


No Turning Back

by Syrus



Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-05-25
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-10-19 18:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 59,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/203988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syrus/pseuds/Syrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can Loki achieve what he's always wanted after he's lost it all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**  
Chapter 1   
**

From a very young age, Loki always knew he was different from the rest of his family. His father, his mother, and especially his brother, Thor, all had this light about them...a kind of exuberance and energy that just radiated from them into all those around them and everything they touched. Loki never felt that.

His hair was dark, his eyes were always haunted, and he was brooding. He had none of Thor’s easy self confidence and self assurance, so he supposed it was no wonder that Thor was able to garner all of Odin’s attention while he fell to the wayside. 

In current times, it was incredibly rare to coax a smile out of him, though Thor was still able to manage it. He was probably the only one able to consistently triumph where most others failed. Loki wasn't all that surprised since this seemed to be somewhat of a trend with his brother, being so much more bullheadedly stubborn than most people he knew.

He often looked into his mirror, trying to figure himself out, trying to figure out his place and purpose, trying to figure out how he fit into his family, but he never was able to come up with a satisfactory answer. The simple fact was that he was his family’s black sheep, and though he was an Odin-son in name, he wasn’t sure that he felt it in his heart.

Odin was always kind to him, but his pride and praise was more easily given to Thor, his golden son. He wanted Odin’s approval and support, but as long as Thor was around to get his attention through his antics, Loki was fairly certain that he would hardly be spared a second glance by his father. 

This hurt him deeply, but he couldn’t find it in himself to resent Thor for it. He and Thor were always close since childhood, and he felt as though he was his brother’s best confidant. He wished that he could say the same about Thor in reference to himself, but he often felt as though his brother would just laugh at his worries about not fitting in, and simply not understand.

That thought pained him more than most of his other worries, since all he wanted was someone to relate his troubles to, and for them to give him a definitive answer about who he was. Thor wasn’t the person to go to for something like that. As supportive and close to him Thor was, he definitely wasn’t someone to speak to about emotional troubles, as much as Loki privately wished him to be.

With his brother being the way he was, he was doomed to an existence in the shadows of Asgard. The one thing he had in his favor was his magic, something he had trained with since he was a small child. It was the one thing that he had a talent for and that Thor could not overshadow him in. His few treasured memories from childhood were the times he’d used his magic to play pranks on people and made Thor laugh.

But, power in magic and trickery wasn’t really what was valued in Asgard, it was strength, valor, and honor in battle. Loki was made aware of this quite early in his life, and as he had little choice, he accepted this and allowed himself to stand behind Thor in his pursuits, whether they were foolhardy or not. His words of advice and wisdom were often ignored by his brother, even when he knew he was right. Just as well. It wasn’t as though Thor would ever do anything that would cause him to lose their father’s favor, so what reason was there for him not to do as he pleased?

It was a sad realization to come to, with him always putting careful considerations into all of his actions in his life and to not receive one word of praise for this from either his mother or his father. He found that it was just something they came to expect from him. So the good son he was for many, many years, just thinking on his situation and waiting. For what, he wasn't all together certain. Most likely for things he never could have.

Was it all just because of being the younger son? Or was it because he had little skill in physical hand to hand combat? He supposed that the actual reason didn't matter really since things were about to change. He had decided to act on the day Odin had planned on handing the throne down to Thor, since he was sure that he would only fall further into the shadows when Thor was king.

If Thor would do nothing on his own that would have him fall out of Odin's favor, he would help him along. It wasn't as though he wanted his brother to suffer in his quest for acceptance, it was just that over his years of thinking, he saw no other alternative. He wouldn't be content to stay in the shadows any more.

Everyone in Asgard would know him and they would give him the respect he deserved.

* * *

A simple force of self preservation caused him to grab onto Thor's wrist when they were tossed over the broken connection to what was once their Bifrost portal, hanging perilously over a gaping void. Loki's mind raced through the events of the last few weeks and found himself in utter turmoil over it. 

He had done what neither his father nor his brother was able to accomplish, and yet...they both were trying to stop him. As his heart felt crushed under his growing sense of self doubt and his own guilt at having betrayed his family in the way he had to, he made one last plea to his father for just a single word of understanding, but it was rejected with a simple, “No, Loki.”

Loki couldn't help but let out an almost silent choked sob at that. After all he had done, he would never be the golden son. He would never be Thor, or at least some kind of equivalent in his father's eyes. It broke him that Thor was looking at him with such worry as they dangled from Odin's hand, and it was Thor that was the source of all his trial and tribulation.

What a paradox, to only find solace in the one that really was the source of all his self hate and self doubt. At the succinct rejection from his father, he wasn't sure he could bear this kind of existence anymore. He felt empty, and there was nothing now that could save him from the downward spiral he knew he would fall into if he stayed in Asgard a further second. He sucked in one more deep breath and his resolve was strengthened.

Loki looked up and met eyes with Thor, and it was as though his brother knew exactly what he was going to do. He was sure that if he could still feel, it would crush him all over again to see that look of desperation in Thor's eyes at being unable to stop Loki from making this final self destructive decision, but he was not moved.

He didn't reply to Thor's pleas, and finally, he just let go. As he fell into the void, he was just thankful that this would be the end of his suffering. Maybe now he could give his family what they wanted with his end. No longer would his parents have to treat a frost giant child as their own and no longer would he have to compete with Thor for a spot that he never had any right to.

Feeling himself slipping from consciousness, he felt as though his end was rather bittersweet.


	2. Chapter 2

**  
Chapter 2   
**

 

Loki was plagued with a sense of confusion when he slowly cracked open his eyes.  He wasn’t sure where or more importantly _who_ he was.  He coughed as he sat up, seeing that he appeared to be in some kind of desert…hot, sweltering, and sandy.  As he looked down at himself, he decided that his garments were rather odd, though that was the last thing he was worried about.

  
He shakily stood, finding his legs to be rather weak, stumbling a few times before he was able to walk steadily.  He turned around slowly, finding nothing much to be around him to give him any clues about the identity of his location, but he finally spotted some buildings in the distance.  As he had no sense of direction, he decided to follow that.

He was worried.  Something bad had to have happened to him to make him forget everything about himself, and he was certain that he shouldn’t be here.  Wherever here was.  He just kept walking, hoping that he would meet someone that could give him any bit of information that would help him figure it out.

After many minutes of walking, he saw that he was at the edge of some small city.  It didn’t appear as though the population in this area was very high, as there seemed to be very few people milling about.  The few people that were there seemed to give him strange looks, but since his mind was overwhelmed with suddenly finding himself in this new surrounding, he paid them no mind.

He caught a glimpse of his reflection in one of the building windows and he stopped for a moment to look closer.  The person that looked back at him was completely alien.  He knew it was him since when he moved, so did the reflection, but he was filled with the disconcerting feeling that he’d never seen that person before.

And, now that he’d gotten a good look, he could see why he was getting all the stares.  He wore something that looked like it was armor and there was a richly colored velvet green cape billowing behind him.  In a quick and easy comparison with the other people around, it was even easier now to see that he did not belong here.

As he turned to keep walking, since there was little else he could do in such a state, he nearly bowled over a dark haired woman.  She began to yell at him for having impaired eyesight, but when she got a good look at him she abruptly stopped midword, just starting at him in shock.

For a long moment, she didn’t say anything, and neither did he, not sure what to do in such a situation, when she finally broke the silence, “You…you’re another one of _those_ , aren’t you?”

Now Loki just tilted his head in pure confusion at that and said, “Those?”

She looked at him with critical eyes then and added, “Yeah…it must have been you that caused those strange readings on our machines!”

He couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow and reply, “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She cut right to the chase, in spite of his obvious confusion, “So, what’s your name?”

He took a long pause to try to figure out the answer to her question, knowing that it would benefit him in the long run, but he still was coming up with nothing.  Finally he said, “I…don’t have an answer to that question.”

She scrunched her eyebrows at him and looked at him in concern and suspicion, finally saying, “Okay, yeah.  You need to come with me.  If we were able to pick up your readings, so was Shield.  Oh, and…I’m Darcy, by the way.”

He wondered if he should so easily listen to her, especially when she gave him the interesting tidbit of information of some other group of people interested in him or his whereabouts, but he couldn’t deny his own curiosity.  Perhaps she would be able to tell him more and this would allow him to make a decision on how to ally himself.

He slowly nodded and said, “Alright, Darcy.”

* * *

 

She led him to her vehicle, and then drove the two of them away from the small city to a suburb.  Loki felt as though this place he’d landed in was rather unremarkable, though he wasn’t sure why he thought that.  It wasn’t as though he had anywhere to compare this place to, though something in him told him that he’d been witness to places far grander than this.

  
She parked the vehicle in front of a house, and then ushered him inside, looking suspiciously over her shoulder as she did so.  He pondered her paranoid behavior for a moment, wondering if it was a mistake to hope for reliable information from her, when she said, “Okay, we’ll be safe in here for a while.  Now you can tell me your name and stuff.”

Loki just raised his eyebrow at her and said, “I have already told you.  I do not have an answer to that.  I do not have any recollection of who I am or why I am here.  I was hoping that you would be able to provide me with some of this information.”

Darcy just made some noise of disbelief and shook her head, saying, “Of course you don’t know who you are.  That would have made things far too easy.”

She paced around the room they were in for a moment and then said, “I’m sure Shield is on their way over here to investigate the readings caused by your arrival.  We have to figure out what to do with you until then.”

It was Loki’s turn to look suspicious as he said, “Who is this ‘Shield’ that you keep mentioning?  Why would they be interested in me?”

Darcy looked at him as though he’d sprouted another head and replied, “Well, I don’t know who you are, but from the look of things, you’re probably one of those god things like Thor and his friends.  And Shield…they’re sort of this bastard secret organization that takes whatever they want from you and tell you nothing.”

Loki’s eyes widened, “A… _god_?”

She gave him a half smirk and spoke, her tone humored at first and then turning hard, “Yeah, I really didn’t believe it either.  I still have trouble, even after everything I’ve seen.  I keep feeling like the whole thing was some weird kind of dream, but I know it’s real because Shield took all of our data and research, except for one of Jane’s notebooks that Thor was able to get back from them.”

Loki was silent as he thought this over.  The name Thor…it struck something in him, his soul felt as though the name, the person, was familiar.  And the fact that Darcy thought he was some kind of god…was it possible that though he looked like the people around him, he was not one of them?  This would give some reason for people and organizations to show interest in him, he supposed.

Perhaps he should be as wary of this Shield organization as Darcy was. His thoughts were interrupted by someone bursting through the door.  He looked up to see another female with light brown hair and brown eyes.  Perhaps this was the 'Jane' that Darcy briefly mentioned.

 

"Why weren't you picking up your phone, Darcy?  Shield is on my ass about--" Jane stopped in the middle of her irritated tirade as she laid eyes on Loki.

 

He looked back at her with curiosity as she looked back in absolute shock.

 

She blinked and just said, "...Another?"

 

Darcy just tilted her head almost noncommittally and replied, "Yup."

 

Jane made another irritated noise and said, "And I thought I had enough to deal with as it was.  Oh, Erik is going to love this."

 

Darcy moved toward her and added, "It gets even better.  This guy says that he has no idea who he is."

 

Jane plopped down in a chair and slapped a hand to her forehead, "Why is it always me that gets the crazies?"

 

But when she removed her hand, Loki could see the hints of a smile just touching the edges of her lips as though she was slightly amused over the situation rather than completely annoyed.  Loki watched her curiously, but said nothing, knowing that he was completely out of his element here.

He wasn’t sure _what_ his element was, but this obviously wasn’t it.  He looked down at his rich and odd clothes, in comparison with his company at least, and then said, “If you wish to conceal me from this ‘Shield,’ perhaps a change in wardrobe is in order.”

Jane blinked and then exchanged a look with Darcy, then getting up from the chair she sat in and said, “Oh, right.”

She motioned to Loki to follow, and behind them Darcy came, and she continued speaking, “Maybe I should just make a Goodwill or something, with all the people coming to me needing new clothes.”

Her tone was sarcastic, but once again touched in humor.  She led the three of them to a room upstairs in the house, and she began to rummage through a closet, muttering to herself, “I’m glad I’ve finally found a good use for Donald’s old clothes.”

Jane kept glancing over to Loki to get an idea of his size and then choose out a pair of pants and a shirt for him.  Darcy then moved over and made a change to her shirt choice saying, “No, not white.  I think dark colors would suit him better.”

Darcy then gave him the shirt and pants, and Jane added, “You’d better change now, since there’s no telling when Shield is going to show up.  I have no doubt that they will.  Then we have to come up with a story for you.  And probably make you a fake ID.”

Jane shook her head and said, “The things we go through for you god people.”

Jane then ushered Darcy out of the room with her, though she seemed reluctant to leave for some reason, and then he was alone again.  What an odd group of people.  Would they really have the information that he sought about himself, or was this a lost cause?  Nothing but time would answer that question, so he quickly hurried to change.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

** Chapter 3 **

 

When he joined Jane and Darcy back downstairs, they quickly set their plan to keep him concealed in motion.  They informed him that he was to tell everyone that he was Darcy’s brother Lloyd, and that he was visiting from Darcy’s family home in Connecticut.  He committed the details they gave him about this brother of hers to his mind, since it was possible they may ask him personal questions about himself that he might not know unless he was this man.

Sure enough, when some Shield agents arrived, they asked him a lot of questions, but he was able to give them confident enough answers that they accepted them.  For the time being anyway.  On Jane promising to tell them everything she would be able to find out about the new readings they had gotten on their machines, they finally left them again.

Both Jane and Darcy seemed to exchange a look and let out sighs of relief at their departure.  They had him take a seat again with them.  Jane turned to Darcy and said, “Go and call Erik, we need to tell him about…this.”

Jane motioned to him at that, and Loki still found it unnerving that they kept referring to him as some otherworldly being.  But who was he to say any different?  He still had no idea who, or possibly what, he was.  When Darcy left the room to do that, Jane turned back to him.

“We think you’re someone like Thor because your clothes look a whole like the ones he wore…well, when he got his powers back anyway.”

When Loki gave her a curious look at that, she quickly explained Thor’s sudden appearance in their lives and how that changed everything that they thought they knew of their universe.  How it opened up doors to new research and ideas that they’d never thought possible before his arrival.  Though she didn’t say anything in words, he could also tell that she had a special kind of fondness about Thor from the way she spoke of him.

And the more she talked about Thor and his friends, the more he felt as though he should know what she’s talking about.  The ideas of Asgard and Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three felt familiar and almost comfortable, especially with him having nothing else to align himself with.

“Look, we have this book that might tell you more,” She handed him a book of Norse lore, “When we first found Thor, we used this to find more about him.  I know it looks like a children’s book, but the information was valuable.  It’s not just a story…we saw it with our own eyes.”

“I see.” He replied, opening the book to take a look inside.

Jane left him alone to read while she did more work on the readings they had gathered on his arrival.  He found all the tales he read to be interesting, and the day passed without him realizing it, just being bound to finish this book as quickly as possible.  It was as if those memories were just out of his grasp, but maybe the more he put himself into contact with things related to those memories, the more likely he’d get those memories back quicker.

* * *

  
Later in the evening, he’d joined the scientists for dinner, now getting to meet the one they called Erik.  The man seemed a little wary of him, but he supposed it was understandable.  On learning the way that Thor and the others had changed their lives, it was understandable that the man was a little resistant to this change.

Loki couldn’t find much to say during dinner, as there really wasn’t much he could add, having no life experiences to share, nor any memory of people that had been in his life.  Did he have a family out there, wondering where he was?  Had he a partner?  Any children?  It disconcerted him to have no idea.

It was this that kept him from speaking further with them after the meal was over, and he just asked if there was somewhere for him to rest.  They led him to a couch that he could sleep on until they figured out where else to put him, as they weren’t expecting another visitor so soon.  Especially not someone like him, he was certain.

When the lights were out and he lay on his makeshift bed, he just stared at the ceiling.  How empty he felt, without even a real name to attach himself to.  What awaited him with his memories?  That sneaking suspicion that some horrible event took everything from him was growing inside him with the passage of time, and as impatient as he was to regain even a sliver of who he once was, there was an underlying fear about what that information would bring with it.

It was with this thought he’d begun to drift off and dream.

* * *

“You shouldn’t be here, runt.”

It was a cold hard voice, one that caused Loki to feel a low stab of fear inside of him, but he wouldn’t allow it to show on his face.  If there was anything he was good at, it was spinning tales.  And today, it would be a tale of his own bravery spun in his head to give him the confidence to continue this charade with his brother’s friends.  He wondered to himself why he was here, at the Asgardian training grounds, especially when he knew he had little skill in physical combat, but he had to prove himself.

He had to show himself, his brother, and especially his father that he could do this.  How else could he prove himself worthy of one day being Asgard’s king?  He favored Thor, anyone could see it, but he had to show Odin that he was made of the same stuff.  That he was also a worthy contender for this title.

This caused his words to be just as hard in response, “I have every right.   I am an Odin-son!”

The group just laughed at this, and it made a feeling of humiliation press down on him.

“Only in name.  Every day we have wondered how our great king could have sired such a weakling.” The boy’s voice cut straight into him, and he gritted his teeth, his bitterness obvious on his face.

“You have no idea what I can do.” Finally came Loki’s dark response, staring the leader of the group down.

Though the other boy seemed slightly unnerved for a moment at the intensity of Loki’s gaze, he finally just laughed on thinking them to be empty threats, and then took a sword from one of the others and tossed it to him without warning.  Loki caught it unsteadily, ending up nicking one of his boots as he did.

“Then prove it to us.” The boy’s face, along with the group, was filled with a cruel kind of amusement.

If it was in Loki, he’d wipe those looks off all of their faces, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to keep up the charade.  He wasn’t a physical fighter, he knew that.  He put on his best battle face and waited until the other boy readied his weapon.  Again, without warning, the boy struck out and Loki had little time to dodge out of the way.

He was barely able to parry the powerful blows from the other boy, let alone strike forward with any of his own.  He considered using some of his magic to turn things in his favor, but he knew that would make them frown on him, because as much as he disliked them, he wanted their approval.  Wanted his brother’s approval.

He fought valiantly, but he wasn’t any sort of match for the boy.  Far too quickly, he was kicked to the ground and his weapon flew out of reach.  The boy cruelly stepped on his chest with his heavy boot, and made it difficult for him to breathe.  He smiled down on him coldly and said, “As I expected.  Not even worth the time.  Now, I will teach you to stay in your place.”

The boy then raised his blade and began to swing it downward.  As Loki waited for the pain, it never came as a voice rang out, “What is going on here?!”

The sword stopped millimeters away from his shoulder, and the boy looked up to see who disturbed them.  It was none other than his brother, come to stand angrily behind him as he defended him.  It was always as such…Loki getting in trouble with the other boys and Thor coming to his rescue.  Perhaps this is why he never could get the respect he wanted, since he always needed a savior to get the job done.

This caused a deep anger and bitterness to coil inside of him, one that seemed far too deep for someone of his young age, but it was there.  It was always there for almost as long as he could remember, starting on the day he realized that he was different in the eyes of his parents than Thor.

“This runt is trying to stick his nose in places it doesn’t belong.” The other boy sent a glare down at him that secretly sent a shiver of fear through him, but with his brother now behind him, he had the strength to glare right back at him without revealing the fear.

Thor gave that boy a warning look that would let even the most daft of fools know that they would be in trouble if they didn’t heed it, but this boy seemed to be little too stubborn for his own good, adding, “This weakling has no right to be here, Thor.  You know this as well as I.”

“He is no weakling.  He is my brother.” Thor said, stepping closer to them, his anger coming off him in waves that the boy had the nerve to treat Loki this way.

The boy only gave a cold smirk in response and said, “If you insist, then he has to play by our rules.”

He quickly swung the sword again, and the blade was sure to hit him this time, as the boy moved faster than Thor could react, but something started happening to him.  He stopped mid swing and his hands began to tremble.  Finally the sword fell the ground and the boy began to scrabble at his throat looking like he was choking.

Loki had propped himself up on one elbow and had a hand held out toward him, just glaring at the boy as he felt this coldness penetrate his being straight to his soul.  He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he knew it was him.  Thor was looking at him with curiosity and a little bit of surprise, seemingly unsure how to deal with the situation.  Finally the boy croaked something that sounded like, “Cold!” and fell to the ground unconscious.

When the boy fell, Loki felt fatigue hit him like an iron fist, and he gasped as his muscles gave out and he began to fall completely to the ground again himself.  Before he could, Thor had grabbed him and held him protectively, speaking in confusion, “Brother, what did you do?”

Loki couldn’t answer him though, just feeling himself slip from consciousness too.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Loki gasped and sat up. Taking in his surroundings, he found himself right where he was when he fell asleep. On the couch of the three scientists’ dwelling, without even a name. As he woke up more, he realized that he’d just had a dream. He figured that his in depth reading about the Norse gods and lore had extended into his subconscious and had been expressed as this strange dream, though he read nothing about Thor, Loki, or the others as children.

He didn’t think himself to be any kind of expert on the mind though, as he would be the last person able to make such an assessment based on his current condition. He let out a sigh and sat up. The dream was disconcerting though because it felt so real and so tangible to him, so it was extremely difficult to dismiss the images that he had seen.

Thor…the face that his mind had made for him…he wasn’t sure why he thought this, but it was perfect. For someone described as so fearless, confident, and loyal in the stories he read, his manifestation of him was perfect. Perhaps he was actually some kind of author, since his mind was able to make such a perfect representation of a character he read about.

He let out a sigh. Though he was fairly certain that the whole dream was a creation in his own mind, sleep was definitely out of his reach at this point. He smoothed his ruffled hair back, no doubt from the tossing and turning caused by the dream, and he stood up, intending to step outside into the back yard of the dwelling to get some air.

He was surprised to see that he was not alone. The scientist Darcy seemed to already have gotten the same idea and seemed to be looking up at the stars. He approached her and stood by her, finding the sight to be unexpectedly breathtaking. Memories or not, he could not deny the beauty of the night sky in this place, as there was nothing to block view of the celestial bodies above them.

“So…couldn’t sleep?” she finally said after they stood silently together for a moment, just looking up.

“It is…difficult.” Loki admitted, then turning to look at her.

She gave him a half smile and said, “After what you were probably through, I’m not surprised. I’m not much sure what Thor and the others were up to, but it seemed to be some serious shit.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at her colorful language, but said nothing about it. He finally replied, “I did have an odd dream.”

“Oh yeah? What about?” she now looked at him with interest.

“I dreamt that I was the god Loki, but that I was a boy. I was not the only one in this dream. I dreamt of Thor as well, in the same way. I believe the stem of the dream was the stories that I read of those characters, but my brain supplied information that wasn’t provided in there.” His eyes narrowed suspiciously as he thought further on the dream, surprised that the images he saw didn’t fade like dreams had a habit of doing on waking, but they stuck like images he’d seen with his own eyes.

She cocked her head curiously at him and said, “What happened in the dream?”

“Loki appeared to want acceptance with the other boys his age, and was unable to gain it. This led to a confrontation.” He figured that the specifics of the fight and the magic casting was better kept to himself for some reason, strangely feeling a twinge as he spoke about it, as though it was a personal shame somehow.

She smiled and said, “I don’t know much of the lore since I really was never into that stuff. Now that I’ve found out that there’s some truth in it, maybe I will give it a read. But, from what Erik told me, Loki was always the mischief maker, so he probably deserved it.”

Loki couldn’t stop his expression and tone from hardening slightly on replying, “No, he didn’t.”

He wasn’t sure why he was so keen to defend a character that participated in fictitious events in his dreams, but his gut was telling him it was the truth. Once again, his lack of memories disconcerted him, but he said nothing more on the subject, sure that Darcy found him strange enough as it was.

She looked at him strangely for half a second and then laughed, saying, “Alright, I get it. You seem to be a fan of his character.”

Her smile turned a little conspiratorial and she leaned toward him and softly added, “I think he was more interesting than Thor in the stories anyway.”

His expression softened at that, but he still said nothing.

“I wonder what he’s like in real life. Loki that is.” She then looked contemplative as she looked up at the stars, “Thor and his friends were really something else, so I wonder what he’s like.”

Loki then looked out at the stars again and quietly replied, “Indeed.”

They just stood with each other looking out at the sky for a long time together when the horizon began to lighten. It must have been very late in the evening when he had come out, and it now seemed that the sun was due to rise very soon.

“Perhaps we should go back inside.” Loki suggested, looking back to Darcy again.

She gave him a small smile and reached out to touch his shoulder, “Yeah, I guess we should.”

She led the way in and he followed. His future was uncertain, but maybe his quest in remembering may not be as arduous as he feared it would be.

* * *

In the days following Loki’s disappearance and his trip to Midgard and subsequent attachment to Jane, Thor admittedly had a lot on his mind. Due to the urgency of the situation caused by Loki that led to him destroying their Bifrost portal, he didn’t allow himself to think about what he was seeing as the two of them fought.

The ice everywhere cued him to something being off. Loki was indeed skilled with magic, but was he always so skilled with ice? He wasn’t sure about this, unless this was one additional secret that his brother kept from him. He was pained greatly over never really knowing Loki’s suffering.

How he was completely blind to the fact that Loki felt such a deep bitterness towards him their whole lives that it would cause him to lash out in this manner against him? Especially when they always were at each other’s backs growing up. He always thought it to be a healthy kind of competition between them, but maybe Loki saw something completely different in all of it.

After digesting all of this information for a few days, he knew that a talk with his father about everything was in order, since especially at this point, he deserved to know the full truth about it all. He steeled himself for the conversation with his father, since he knew it would not come easy.

Odin was never forthcoming on anything as it was, but on a subject like this that was still rather sensitive, it would be near impossible. But Thor wouldn’t wait. He was stubborn and he had to know the truth once and for all. With this in mind, he took a deep breath and approached his Father’s chambers.

Odin had still not come forth from his chambers, as he had barely recovered from his sleep and still needed some time to recuperate. All that he knew was that a heated conversation with Loki was what put him in the Odinsleep in the first place, so he knew that he couldn’t stress his father too greatly during the conversation. But this wouldn’t stop him from seeking the answers he so desperately needed.

He nodded to the guards that were posted at his Father’s door and walked in. Odin was in bed, but Thor was glad to see that he was sitting up and was awake.

“Thor, you wished to speak with me?” he asked, his voice soft.

He decided that his Father’s voice was almost deceptively gentle in a way that could disarm someone if they let it, but he stayed wary, not knowing if he’d be on Odin’s good side for long with what he wanted to talk about.

“Yes, I did.” Thor was silent for a long moment, feeling the tension rise in the room as he got his mind in order, and then he pushed forward, knowing that he would lose the courage to speak if he didn’t do it right that second, “I wished to speak to you…about Loki.”

Odin’s face immediately became more closed off, but thankfully he didn’t shut the conversation down before it could begin and just nodded to indicate that Thor could keep speaking.

Taking one more breath, he said, “I do not know much, but what I do understand is that Loki is a frost giant and is not…actually related to us. I want to know the full truth about him.”

Thor struggled with how to think of Loki when he found the bits and pieces of information about him out from others and from what he witnessed, and he finally settled on the fact that Loki was still his brother through and through, blood be damned. His face also hardened as he looked to his Father for answers.

Odin let out a sigh and spoke far more evenly than Thor would have had the strength to himself in this kind of situation, and he said, “Loki was the son of Laufey, the Frost Giant king. During the great war, I had found him abandoned in the palace, and so I brought him home with us.”

It was true Thor had some kind of inkling of this truth of Loki, but to hear it plainly from his Father’s lips sent a chill straight through his body. His surprise showed plainly in his eyes and his face, and he could say nothing for a long moment. Odin took this opportunity to keep speaking.

“I have always thought of him as my own, Thor, you must know this. I wished for him to be the answer to our never ending struggle with Yotenheim.”

Thor just blinked, still unable to really take in this huge piece of information, speaking with hesitance, “But…why didn’t you tell us?”

Odin shook his head and said, “I didn’t want Loki to feel different. I didn’t want him to be hated.”

Thor stood silently again for a long moment, leaving the, But he still was, hanging between them in the air. It all made sense now that the truth about Loki was obvious and undeniable. The way that he always seemed more likely to be hot than cold, the reason why he never saw him shiver once in his life, the reason he had this uncanny ability for magic, the reason why water seemed to be the element he had the best control over.

Thor closed his eyes and took one more breath to keep calm, his knees getting a little unsteady from the gravity of the information he was just fed. But Loki was his brother. His little brother that was his best confidant, his closest friend, his greatest support…his little brother that he completely failed.

Sure, he tried to protect Loki from anyone that would try to harm him, but he was often too worried about how the others saw him to realize the depth of Loki’s pain before the recent series of events. How could he have been this big a fool? How could he not be everything for Loki that Loki was for him?

He knew that there were times that Loki seemed that he had something to tell him, but since he was never too interested in heart to heart conversations, he didn’t encourage him. Now he wished that he had. What must Loki have gone through as they grew up, not knowing why he got so much more attention from Odin than Loki did.

He used to be proud of getting most of the attention from Odin that he did, thinking that he earned it…that he was worthy of it. Now he found it was due to the fact that Odin always meant for him to take over the throne, as it was unlikely that he wished for Loki to take that place, though it always seemed to him that Loki was the far more thoughtful one. The realization made him slightly sick.

Loki was able to set a whole plot into motion that almost brought Yotenheim down all alone and right under everyone’s noses, so it could never be said that he was not clever. He was in fact the cleverest man that Thor had ever known, and it made him rue the fact that he’d never let Loki feel comfortable with opening up to him even more.

Thor finally shook his head and said with a glare, “He didn’t deserve to be left in the dark. I lost a brother, you lost a son, and Loki lost everything. How was this fair to any of us?”

Odin just met his gaze and his voice didn’t even tremble as he said, “I acted for the best of our family and kingdom. I regret that events did not play out the way that I had wanted them to.”

Thor’s eyes widened in shock at his father’s callus words.

“That can’t be all Loki meant to you, Father. I know he’s still out there, somewhere. We have to find him…we have to bring him home!” Thor made his heartfelt plea to his father in spite of everything Loki did to him and against him, because he understood now.

He knew that it all was his fault and that he just need to speak to Loki again. He needed to fix this. It wasn’t a small problem that could just be patched with a single conversation, but he would at least extend the hand to Loki that he’d always wanted. He wouldn’t fail him this time.

But his mouth almost fell open at the single shake of his head that Odin gave him in response, and the king said, “No. Loki made his choice.”

Thor just looked at Odin soundlessly, but from the expression on his father’s face, this conversation was over. He knew better than to try to argue at this time, so he just grudgingly nodded and quickly left the room. He might have grown so much during his visit to Midgard, but his devotion to Loki would never change. As much as he was willing to change to one day become the ruler of Asgard, he would never do it at the cost of losing Loki for good.

He would bring Loki back one way or another, if it was the last thing he’d do.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Loki had taken to reading, since it was hard to have conversation with the people around him with so few life experiences to share, and until he had something to share about himself, he would stick to learning more about these Norse gods that Jane, Darcy, and Erik thought he was one of.

If it wasn’t for the clothing that he’d found himself in when he’d woken up, he’d never have believed it.  What reason was there for him to think so otherwise?  He didn’t look or feel remarkable in any way, and he certainly didn’t feel anything like a god either. 

So, while the three of them conducted their experiments, Loki read about his suspected kin, wondering just how much of what he read was truth and how much was fiction.  He wasn’t foolish enough to think everything of the lore was based on true events, especially when most people thought them to be fiction anyway.

He didn’t want to believe it was all true anyway, since many times Loki was painted as the trouble maker or the villain of the tale, and that troubled him.  Why?  That was not something he could answer, but he was sure it had something to do with his odd dream that felt far more personal than it should have.

Perhaps he was just the kind of person that took pity on such characters, and so this would explain even the dream he had.  But, somewhere deep down, he was sure that wasn’t the case at all.  His chain of thought was broken suddenly when Darcy quickly entered the room.

“Put down the book, _Lloyd_.” She spoke playfully, emphasizing the name, “We’re getting some ice cream.”

Loki closed the book and stood up to join her.  He supposed that some time outside this dwelling would not be hurtful, and that the change of scenery might be good for him.  He felt slightly disconcerted at Darcy calling him Lloyd, since he just knew that it was not his name, but being given a name did make him feel more like a person rather than just a warm body taking up space.

She led him to the van that the four of them would take to the place, and on entering, Jane said with some humor, “So we’ve actually decided to call you Lloyd until we figure out your actual name?”

“It appears that is the case.” Loki said, glancing at Darcy, his lips twitching in the slightest of smiles at the teasing grin on her face.

Jane just smiled and kept talking, “Okay, Lloyd…I notice that you’ve been doing a lot of reading on the Norse gods lately.  Have any guesses of who you might be?”

“Not at this time.” Loki quickly said, though his sneaking suspicions told him that the answer to that question was right under the surface of his conscious, just waiting to burst forth unexpectedly.

“But he does seem to be a fan of Loki.” Darcy teased dryly, her grin growing a little bit.

Loki just raised an eyebrow, but he said nothing. It was not as though he wanted to share the strange dream he had with the whole car, since the sympathy he felt for Loki troubled him enough. There was no reason he should feel so attached to someone he didn’t know, but he did, and he had no good explanation for it.

 

Jane just laughed and said, “I guess we all can’t be fans of Thor.”

 

She thought for a moment and her face got a little more serious as she added, “Well, Thor didn’t really have much time to tell us about everyone he knew in Asgard, so we have no first hand information to help you, unfortunately. From what I understand, there was something really big going on, and that was the whole reason Thor ended up on Earth in the first place.”

 

This immediately got Loki’s attention, and the look in his eyes was very critical as he asked, “Do you have any more details about this event?”

 

Jane shook her head as she tried to remember and said, “No, not really. Thor was only here a few days, so we unfortunately weren’t able to exchange too much information. I really did want to learn more from him, but something happened. He wasn’t able to come back like he said he would.”

 

Loki was silent for a long moment, digesting this information. This huge event and his appearance here with the loss of his memory all happening in such a close time frame could not be a coincidence.

 

As they entered the town, they passed through an area that seemed badly damaged with certain buildings in pieces and debris still littering the sidewalks. It appeared that major debris were moved out of the road so that vehicles could pass, but it seemed that full repair of the area was a long time off.

 

Loki was getting that strange sinking feeling again as they drove by the damage, and he asked, “What happened here?”

 

This time Erik answered, his tone angry and hard, “This thing that Thor called a destroyer just appeared out of nowhere. Thor thought it to be under the control of someone else, but since it just started indiscriminately destroying everything and trying to kill everyone, there really wasn’t enough time to chat about it.” 

 

The sinking feeling grew as he replied softly, "That is regrettable to hear."

 

Erik nodded as he made a turn to get to the ice cream place and said with a scowl, "Yeah, but what's more worrisome is the fact that that thing wasn't working on it's own.  It was sent by someone else...most likely one of the gods that wanted to take advantage of the fact that Thor was gone."

 

Jane's angry voice then piped in and said, "That person nearly murdered Thor too. If I ever meet that person, they definitely will regret it."

 

Darcy also added in a dark tone, “Luckily no one, other than Thor, obviously, was seriously hurt. But, it easily could have been worse. If Thor didn't get back his hammer thing when he did, I know we'd all have been finished.”

 

Loki said nothing to this, especially since it was obvious that this event had negatively affected all of them, and he had no condolences that would sound insincere, especially since he wasn't there to experience it with them. He wasn't sure why there was guilt welling up inside of him, so he chalked it up to his confusion over his identity and the part he may or may not have played in this event.

 

Thankfully there was no further discussion on that topic as they had arrived at the ice cream shop since Darcy insisted that the conversation lightened up to fit their surroundings. The four of them took a seat in a small booth near the back of the place, Darcy choosing to sit by him and Jane and Erik sitting across.

 

When they'd all settled, Jane slid out of the booth and said, "I can get us our ice cream. I know Erik and I are getting our usual vanilla bean, and Darcy rainbow sherbet. What about you, Lloyd?"

 

He gave her a curious look at that. He had no idea what kind of ice cream he would like, and his face showed it. Darcy finally decided to speak for him and said, “He seems like a mint chocolate chip kind of guy. I can feel it.”

 

She spoke with complete seriousness, but he could see the barest of smiles touching the edges of her lips. He just nodded his consent, deciding that trying this flavor would not be harmful, since it would help him to begin figuring out his tastes all over again.

 

Jane went to get their ice cream, and the three of them just talked about every day things, such as the research that Jane, Darcy, and Erik were conducting, and their plans for future research. But it was more like they spoke while Loki listened, since, once again he had very little to contribute.

 

Jane finally returned with their ice cream and they all began to eat it. He looked at the green color and the chips in it, carefully taking a spoon to examine it before he ate anything.

 

Darcy just raised an eyebrow at him and said, “Well, go ahead, it's not poisoned. At least it's not... _likely_ to be poisoned.”

 

Loki's brow crinkled in worry at her words, now eying the spoon suspiciously as he pondered the possibility. Jane just rolled her eyes at that and said, “Darcy has an interesting sense of humor. Just ignore it.”

 

“Oh, come on already.” She rolled her eyes, took a hold of his hand, and fed it to him.

 

Loki's eyes widened at her action, but he forgot his worries as soon as the ice cream touched his tongue. It had a cool, crisp and fresh flavor that he enjoyed, and it stirred something inside him, like the sensation is extremely familiar. He knew it was another memory just bubbling under the surface, but he had no choice but to wait for it to come up on its own.

 

“It is...enjoyable.” he answered to the expectant looks of everyone at the table, and he took another bite on his own to assure everyone of the truth in his words.

 

After everyone finished their ice cream, they made their way back to the house and they agreed to turn in, as Jane and Erik informed them that there was an important experiment that they had to conduct the next day. They all bid him good night, with Darcy giving him a little wink, and he was once again left alone at the couch.

 

He lay down and tried to relax himself, pushing down the feeling of anxiousness and trepidation of what he might dream about next.

 

* * *

 

Loki sat alone in the temple where he trained with his magic, lazily manipulating a small stream of water about the air.  Since Thor had gone off to win over his latest conquest, the new, and Loki even had to admit, very attractive addition to the Asgard Einherjar called Sif, he just decided to spend the evening alone.

 

It was true that in recent times, he and Thor had grown closer to the Warriors Three, as they liked to call themselves, but he never felt comfortable spending time with them when Thor wasn't there.  Admittedly, he did not feel comfortable spending time with much of anyone when Thor wasn't around, so he especially felt that practicing his magic was far preferable to that.

 

Really though, it wasn't as though he did not want other friends of his own, it was just that he had trouble interacting with others that weren't Thor.  He certainly didn't have the easy way around others that Thor possessed.  It probably didn't help that he felt as though he was different from the rest of his family either.

 

Loki just let out a sigh and let the water splash to the floor.  It would definitely be a long night.  The more he thought about it, the more he decided that he didn't like Thor going after a different girl every week.  Sure, his brother was always a show off kind of person, and that didn't trouble him much before, except when the person being showed off for was their father, but this whole thing with the girls was different.

 

But he couldn't figure out for the life of him why.  It wasn't as though he didn't have some girls he had his own eye on, but it pained him to know almost surely that if they had a choice between he and Thor, they would go for Thor instead.  Everyone in their life seemed to be that way, so why would they be different?

 

He shook his head and decided not to think about it, knowing that of all the times he tried to think on it, he never was able to fully figure the reasons out.  His brother would always be this way, and it was just something he would have to learn to deal with.  One couldn’t choose family, so all he could do was cope.

 

He vaporized the water that had splashed all over the floor of the temple and then had it rain back down on the pool that it had come from.  After continuing to train with the water for many minutes, he decided to switch to fire.  He made a small flame right in the palm of his hand and stared into it.

 

Fire was something he found to be beautiful in the way it danced happily in front of you if you were at a comfortable distance, but burned if you got too close.  He felt a little like the fire.  Maybe the other Asgardians saw him that way, something better regarded at a distance.  He sighed and let the fire grow in his hand until the flame was almost touching the ceiling.

 

How ironic it was, that he could control something like fire, and yet his talents weren’t valued in the same way as physical strength by his peers.  His flame danced, giving everything a yellowish red tinge.  He was just about to take aim with it but suddenly he heard someone storming into the temple. 

 

He let the fire diminish until it was sitting in his hand again, and he asked, “Who’s there?”

 

He didn’t get an answer, but when he turned, he saw Thor’s face being bathed in the fire’s light.

 

“Oh, brother…back so soon?” Loki tried to keep his amusement off his face at the disgruntled look on his brother’s face, but he wasn’t sure he quite managed it.

 

Obviously this particular conquest did not go well.

Loki just got a glare in response as Thor replied in irritation, "I really wouldn't be here with you otherwise."

 

Loki just had to smirk and gave Thor a 'tut tut' noise and said, "No need to take out your failure in wooing Sif out on me."

 

Thor growled and replied, "It was not a _failure_.  Sif obviously just can't see it when something good is staring her right in the face."

 

Loki couldn't help but chuckle at that and he mockingly responded, "I agree.  Especially when that face is _your_ face."

  
The frown lines on Thor's face got deeper and he spoke in a warning tone, “Do not mock me, brother.”

 

Loki used the fire that was still in his palm to light the torches in the room and then he smirked again, “Never.”

 

Thor just rolled his eyes and shook his head. He knew better than to try to continue arguing on this line, since he never won like that. One of the very few things Loki had over Thor was his silver tongue, as his mother termed it. But spinning stories wasn't something that got the attention he wanted from their father, so he didn't put much stock into this ability.

 

Finally Thor spoke again in a frustrated tone, “Sif isn't like the others. I merely had to flash them a smile and then they would already be on my arm. Sif would not even give me the time of day, and she just told me that she would only talk to me when I proved myself worthy. What does that even mean?”

 

Loki could tell that Sif really had captured Thor's attention, and this caused a strange kind of jealousy to settle in his gut. He ignored this though, letting out a small sigh, dropping the teasing from his tone and saying, “If she will not have you, Thor, I assure you that it is her loss.”

 

Loki reached out to touch Thor's shoulder and in return, Thor gave him a small and trusting smile. Suddenly, Loki felt a warmth unlike anything he'd ever felt before course through him, and that caused him to return the smile he was given. He felt the mood between them change ever so slightly, and he gulped.

 

He didn't remove his hand from Thor's shoulder as he added softly, “I'm sure...she will come around.”

 

Loki felt as though time stopped for this moment, and he took in a careful breath. He could see all of Thor's emotions plainly on his face, and though his brother wasn't one to hide his feelings about anything, it was a fascinating sight nonetheless. Thor was looking into his eyes with a kind of curiosity that made the faintest color come to his pale cheeks, and finally he gave Loki an awkward smile and replied, “Thank you, brother.”

 

Thor then reached out to give Loki's shoulder a squeeze in return, and then stepped back, breaking the strange moment that had passed between them. Loki tried to make sense of the emotions he felt, but he was completely lost. He tried to recompose himself by nodding in reply, but his heart was beating straight out of his chest.

 

Before Loki had the chance to think further on the strange feelings that had suddenly blossomed in him, Thor smiled and said, “So, let's see how you've progressed with your magic, Loki.”

 

The mischievous smile was back on Loki's face as he pulled up some water from the nearby pool quicker than a snap, and shot a stream straight into Thor's face. His smile grew as he said, “You've got to think faster than that, Thor.”

 

Though his head was now drenched in water, Thor just laughed as a competitive look came to his face and he replied, “You'll be paying for that.”

 

“Only if you can catch me.” Loki replied with his own laugh, dodging away as Thor surged forward to grab him.

 

* * *

 


	6. Chapter 6

** Chapter 6 **

****Thor's eyes shot open as he came out of his dream. Strangely, it wasn't a normal dream, but seemed to be more of a memory. It was of the time that he'd first tried pursuing Sif, and when he'd failed, he'd gone to speak to Loki. Though he never properly told Loki that he was thankful for his support in those times, he really did appreciate it.

 

When Thor met him again, he would definitely let him know it now. Letting out a sigh, he got out of bed. Though it still was the dead of night, he knew that he wouldn't be getting much sleep now as his thoughts and guilt about Loki would keep him up. It wasn't just that he wanted to redo so many of the moments where it was obvious that Loki needed his support in return, he dearly missed him.

 

He still had Sif and the Warriors Three by his side, but it wasn't the same. They didn't have the same private jokes that he and Loki laughed at together, they didn't often call him out when he was obviously in the wrong, and though they would fight with him to the end, he didn't quite feel the same emotional connection to them.

 

Thor didn't even bother asking himself why Loki never came to him about all of his feelings. He knew the answer to that question, and that fact pained him more than anything. He dressed and then wandered into the castle, hoping that a walk would help to clear his head. He milled around the castle garden for a while, and then he decided to head over to where the Bifrost portal once was.

 

It helped still his mind to know that Jane and his other friends on Midgard were doing okay, so he went to do this now. Heimdall, as always, was standing at the edge of the void, looking down to watch over all of the realms. Thor sometimes wondered what it was like to have the power to see all the way that he did, but he was sure that it would be far too overwhelming for him to deal with.

He joined the other god near the edge and though Heimdall didn’t look at him, he greeted him, “You’ve found your way here at an unusually late hour, my Prince.”

Thor chuckled almost mirthlessly, “Sleep is something not often in my grasp as of late.  I worry too much for those that I have lost.”

Thor didn’t mention Loki or his worries for him since he knew Heimdall didn’t exactly rue his brother’s fate, and being who he was, it was better to keep those thoughts and feelings to himself.  He stood by Heimdall for a long moment before asking, “Can you see her, Heimdall?”

Thor didn’t even have to specify who ‘she’ was, as it was already well established between the two of them now.  Heimdall turned his eyes toward Earth and focused on Jane, saying, “She is well.  Deep in slumber as you should be.”

He just smiled in response and then he asked, “How about the others?  Are they also well?”

Heimdall then looked at the others, and Thor was thankful for his patience with him.  There was no reason for the other to keep tabs on these people on Midgard, but Heimdall did it for his sake without a single complaint.  Finally he nodded and said, “They are as they last were.”

Heimdall almost looked away from them when he seemed to catch sight of one more occupant in their home.  His eyes widened and Thor got worried, since not much seemed to surprise Heimdall, and Thor quickly said, “What is it?”

“Loki.”

Thor’s mouth dropped open as that was the last thing he expected to hear from Heimdall, and disbelief rang in his voice, “What?”

Heimdall’s voice turned harder as he explained himself, “Loki is with your human friends.”

“How is that…what…is he alright?!” all of Thor’s thoughts jumbled into one sentence that fell out of his mouth in a confused tumble, but Heimdall still answered him.

“He appears to be as well as the rest.  Though I cannot say this with much joy.” He replied dryly, then removing his eyes from Midgard to focus back on Thor.

Thor’s mind was much too overwhelmed with relief to listen to Heimdall’s tone in reference to Loki, and he let out a big breath and said, “It is a great weight off of my chest to find this out.”

Thor then bid Heimdall goodnight, moving quickly back to his room.  He ran a hand through his hair and tried to organize some plan of action.  Now that he knew Loki was safe with Jane, he didn’t have to worry any more on the possibility of Loki having perished in his fall into the void, but there was the fact that there was no easy way to get to him or Jane now with the portal still broken.  He wasn’t quite sure how Loki ended up with them, but he was more than relieved to know that Loki was with people he could trust.

It would be a long time before the Bifrost would be fully fixed, and he didn’t want to wait that long to get to them.  He had to find another way.  It wasn’t often that he’d been motivated to read, but now was the time.  He had to find another way to travel between realms besides their portal, knowing that there was no way that he could stumble now that he was so close to being with all of them again.

Though seeing Jane again was a priority to him, getting himself to Midgard would be the only thing he concerned himself with from this point onward.  He would see his brother again, and he would let him know finally just how important to him that he was.

* * *

Loki’s dream from the night before was different than the previous one.  He was thinking it over as he ate a meager lunch the next day.  Thor…obviously this god was extremely important to him, and on putting some of the pieces together, he wondered if he really was the god Loki.  All of his dreams seemed to be from his point of view, and he felt an unduly strong connection to him when he read the stories in Erik’s book.

 

He’d quickly read through all the stories, and so Darcy decided to introduce him to this thing called ‘the internet,’ which seemed to contain a far more vast collection of knowledge than any book ever could.  When he finished with Erik’s book, he’d taken to looking for more information there, though he took what he read with an extra grain of salt, since he was informed by his human friends that not all information found on this internet was true.

It was strange that some humans felt the need to post false information about people and events, but he was the last person that could judge.  He had his own problems to worry about, so he decided to concentrate on that. 

Loki…if his dreams could be trusted as past memories, it was obvious that he did not have an easy life.  Did something to do with this past lead to him ending up here with no memory?  This thought lead to another sinking feeling of something just out of his reach, trying to let him know, but his mind trying to protect him from it at the same time.  It was odd, but he didn’t press himself.  It would be revealed to him in due time.  He just hoped that whatever had happened wasn’t as horrible as he was beginning to suspect it to be.

Someone did not end up in a foreign land with no memory of who they were in a happy situation.  It had to be terrible enough for his mind to want to lock the event away forever and to give him a fresh start.  A fresh start from what exactly?  It seemed that he was lonely and jealous of Thor from what the dreams told him, but surely that was just the tip of the iceberg. 

And another interesting bit of information the dreams clued him into was that Thor was his brother.  Some of the stories he’d read hinted at this, but they did not explicitly say that Loki lived in the same home as Thor, Odin, and Frigga, but his dreams told him that this was the case.  That though he lived with them and they were his family, he felt left out.

He let out a sigh, now wondering if he should share his suspicions and his conclusions with his hosts, but something made him want to keep it all to himself for the time being.  Until he was completely certain as to who he was and why he was here, it was best for him to keep this information quiet.

“You really need to stop looking so serious.  I’m afraid your face will get stuck that way.” Darcy said in dry humor, bringing him out of his deep thoughts.

He turned to focus on her, finding her to be dressed in different clothing than usual, perhaps slightly more dressy and revealing?  He pondered on how to respond to her obvious sarcasm, but she dashed the need, adding, “My friends and I are going to a concert.  Want to come with us?”

Loki scrunched his eyebrows in curiosity, speaking unsurely, “A…concert?”

“Yeah, you know, where a band performs on stage and you have a good time, even if the music could be loud and horrible, since we never get popular bands coming out here to perform in the boonies.” She said, giving him a teasing smile.

Loki thought for a second and then he said, “I do not know if I am suited for such an event.”

“Okay, you’re definitely coming with me now.  You can’t just stay in here all the time!  Even Erik and Jane have gone off to their sciencey conference thing.  I’m not leaving you here to be mopey.” she said, smiling and gesturing toward the door with a tilt of her head.

“I could not possibly…I do not even have the right clothing for the event.” He looked at her clothes a little closer, and if memory served him right, there was nothing even close to the style she was wearing in the closet from which he’d been getting the clothes he’d been wearing during his stay here.

She paid no heed to his weak refusal and tugged his hand to follow her out of the door, saying, “I know Doug will have something for you.  Come with me.”

Loki thought that she held his hand on leading him to her car an inordinately long time, but it was not unpleasant, so he didn’t let go.  They got in, and Loki felt it to be strange to not have the others with them in the car as they drove.  And though he may have been mistaken, he felt as though Darcy was glancing at him far more than was considered normal for an interaction in the car.

He looked slightly puzzled as he tried to figure out just how this interaction between them was different from the rest, but they suddenly pulled up to another house and Darcy told him to get out of the car.  He then followed her to the door of the house, answered by a man with brown hair that was about his height, presumably this ‘Doug’ that she had mentioned.

“Are Nat and June already there?” Darcy asked as Doug let them in.

It was a small home, much smaller than the one he stayed in with Darcy and the others, but he supposed it was quaint enough.  Doug showed them to the living room and had them take a seat as he answered, “Yeah, they’re saving us good spots in the pit.  Who’s this?”

Doug seemed to be studying him with interest, and it made Loki slightly uncomfortable.  Maybe he was only starting to get pieces of his past life back, but he really wasn’t comfortable being the center of attention in this way.

“Oh, yeah.  Lloyd, Doug…Doug, Lloyd.  He’s a friend of Jane, Erik, and mine.” She said, shooting him a small smile, and Loki just looked between them with a vague look of discomfort on his face.

Loki was thankful that Darcy kept talking before things had a chance to get awkward between them, as he certainly wasn’t a good conversation starter and said, “Look, Doug, we obviously need some help.  Do you have anything else he could wear to the concert?”

Doug just shrugged, saying, “I’m sure we can find him something.”

He motioned for Loki and Darcy to follow him and he led them to his bedroom.  He looked through whatever was in his closet and he pulled out a worn leather jacket, saying, “I think this would look okay on him…”

Darcy also stepped forward now to look through what other pieces of clothing Doug had and Loki stood back and watched with fascination, wondering if a concert was so important that one had to wear the exact right outfit before attending.  Doug and Darcy finally agreed upon a tight black shirt and matching black pants to go along with the leather jacket.

“You’re going to look kick ass in this outfit.” Darcy said, ushering him off to the bathroom to change.

“Ahh.  Alright.” Loki just said, not sure how to react to the slang.

He quickly changed and then joined the two of them back out in the living room.  They all walked out to Darcy’s car then, and though Loki was completely content with allowing Doug to take the front seat, it appeared that Darcy wished for him to sit by her on the way to this concert.  He didn’t comment on this as he took a seat, and then they were off.

The concert was about an hour’s drive from Doug’s house, and most of the way, Loki listened to conversation between the other two, deciding to take this opportunity of seeing Darcy interacting with other people that weren’t him.  He found her to still have that dry sense of humor, but she seemed to show a greater amount of patience in talking to him than Doug.

He was also interested to learn that Darcy wasn’t a scientist like Erik or Jane, with her major in college to be nothing even closely related to that science.  He kept this in mind for later, wanting to ask her why she was there if this research wasn’t something that she was interested in for her own knowledge. 

But, they finally pulled into the parking lot of the place having the concert, finding it to be more of a clearing in the desert rather than a building like he was expecting.  They quickly parked the car and then Darcy used her phone to contact her other friends that were already inside.  The closer they got to the area the concert was to take place, he found it to be almost uncomfortably crowded, but he did not say anything to Darcy about his discomfort, not wanting to seem he looked down on this form of entertainment they had here.

As the crowd they were in got thicker, Darcy looped her arm into his and did the same with Doug so that the three of them could stay together as they searched for her other two friends.  Finally, they got to an area very close to the stage, and Darcy tried introducing her other two friends to Loki, though it was extremely difficult to have any manner of conversation with the noise level being so high.

“Hey, Lloyd!  I’ll be right back, just stay here with Doug, Nat, and June, okay?” Darcy yelled over the noise at him, and he nodded in return.

It was not as though he actually wanted to be left there, but he had little choice.  He didn’t really wish to engage any of the others in conversation, but he wasn’t given any choice in that either.

The one that Darcy indicated was called Nat quickly asked him, “So, how’d you meet Darcy?  You go to school with her?”

Loki shook his head and spoke awkwardly, “No.  I…work with her doing research.”

He figured that this fib was acceptable, realizing that telling this person the truth of their meeting wouldn’t be a good idea, as it was sensitive information that could be used to his disadvantage if it got into the wrong hands.

This seemed to be good enough for them, both of them nodding.  Then June spoke, “I met the other people she works with.  They’re okay and all, but they don’t look like they know how to have any fun.  But, the fact that she brought you here is promising.”

June then gave him a grin that made him feel even more uncomfortable with the suggestion that was obviously in her eyes, and so he shifted with unease and replied, “I have never been to a concert, so I hope this experience will be a positive one.”

Loki was glad at this point that there was no more time for the girls to ask him questions as Darcy had finally returned.  It appeared that she had a drink in each hand and she gave him one and said, “Here, drink this.”

Loki watched her take a sip out of her glass and the sniffed his, getting both the smell of mint and a sharp tang of alcohol at the back of his throat, so he asked, “What is this beverage?”

“It’s a mojito and it’s good.  Drink it already!” she replied playfully, tilting her head in a way that encouraged him to take a drink.

Hesitantly, he raised it to his lips and took a small sip.  It really did have an interesting flavor, a mix of sweetness and a touch of freshness and bitterness in the aftertaste.  His second sip was a little bigger and this made Darcy smile.

“So, when are things getting started?” Darcy asked, turning to Doug.

“They’re playing their first set at 8, so just a few more minutes.” He replied, looking up at the stage, obviously not wanting to miss the band’s entrance.

It seemed that the rest of the crowd realized that the time for the concert to begin was drawing near, and the conversation around them began to dwindle.  Suddenly the lights on the stage turned on, revealing what he thought to be a drum set of sorts, and a large cheer came up from the crowd.  He saw that even Darcy had thrown up her hand in a fist to express her appreciation.

He wondered if he was to take part in such an action himself, but he decided to just wait and watch to figure out what social expectations that came along with such an event were so that he could seamlessly follow the next time he might be in such a situation.  The band walked out on the stage and greeted the crowd, leading to an even louder cheer that made Loki raise his free hand to his ear instinctively, and he made a note that perhaps he should ask Darcy if they could stand further back next time.

Quickly then, the band began playing and he noticed that the people had different ways of reacting to the music.  Some jumped up and down, some swayed to the beat of the music, and some made curious motions with their hands.  He then came to the conclusion that one reacted to the music in a way that was indicative of their personality.  This told him that he really wasn’t really suited for this kind of event, since he probably wouldn’t come to such an event out of his own choice.

He would not let this thought cause him to try not to enjoy this event though.  He finished his drink as the band played on, and Darcy obviously noticed, since very quickly got both of them another.  He did not refuse it, though he was starting to feel the effect of the alcohol in his system, his hand/eye coordination and his balance slowly becoming affected.

Darcy eventually pulled his arm to make him lean his ear next to her mouth so that he could hear her over all the other noise, and she said, “It’s okay to act like you’re having fun, you know.”

Loki felt his face redden slightly, though he wasn’t quite sure if it was from the alcohol, or the heat caused by the proximity of the people around him, or Darcy’s comment on his behavior, but he was almost certain it was some combination of all three things.  He said, “I am more interested in observing the people around me to see how they react to this event.”

Darcy then rolled her eyes playfully and said back, “The whole point is to show you’re enjoying the music.”

She quickly downed the rest of her drink and set her empty glass on one of the trays for them near by, and Loki hesitated for a moment before he did the same.  With her encouragement, he started a minute bobbing of his head in time to the beat and she smiled and said, “That’s it!”

He found that even this small bobbing of his head was throwing off his balance further, especially with the quick way he’d imbibed his two alcoholic drinks, but he was grounded by the feel of Darcy’s hand on the small of his back.  He was fairly certain that this wasn’t a normal behavior between two people that were friends, since she didn’t do this at all with any of the others with them, so he thought on the implications of this action in more detail.

Was it possible that Darcy was forming some sort of romantic attachment to him?  This idea both troubled him and made him feel a strange kind of warmth inside.  He didn’t think that he really returned the feelings, at least not in the same way, but he couldn’t deny liking the feeling of being accepted and desired.

If his dreams provided any insight into what his life was like in the past, the moments where he felt those things were much too few and far between.  Especially with the alcohol clouding his judgment slightly, he didn’t stop her.  Finally, there was an intermission in the concert, and Darcy used that opportunity to get them both yet another drink.  

He found that he no longer tasted the bitterness in the drinks and this eased his drinking of it.  When Darcy spoke with her friends as everyone waited for the band to come back out, he watched her carefully.  She certainly wasn’t unattractive by any standard, so accepting her attention was much easier than he thought it should be.  Briefly, he thought back to one of his latest dreams, and remembered the attraction he’d felt in it to Thor.  His brother.

He wondered if whatever was happening here was a betrayal to that feeling, but Thor did not return or even acknowledge these feelings from him in any of the memories, so when Darcy gave him a little smile on noticing his eyes on her, his resolve on the issue was strengthened.  Thor was not here, and so should have no bearing on his interactions with people here.

A mischievous smirk then slowly materialized on his lips in response to her smile, and he found that expression to be surprisingly comfortable.  Perhaps in the past, this was an expression he wore often on his face.  He found himself now hoping that this was the case.  He was also pleased to see the way her face reddened slightly as well.

 

The band finally came back out to continue playing, and Darcy had come to stand a little closer to him as the crowd pushed in to all try to get closer to the stage.  While he did not much appreciate all the strange people this suddenly put him in contact with, he couldn't say he disliked the closeness this caused him to have with Darcy.

He glanced around them and noticed Darcy’s friends looking closely at the two of them, and the two girls giggling to themselves about it, but he paid them no mind.  He also had decided that the loud music was more bearable in this state of intoxication, so he noted that drinking before he left might be a prerequisite for him before he attends another one of these events.

Finally the concert ended and everyone began to file out of the building.  Darcy stayed close to him, even when there was no real reason for her to, and when she grabbed onto his hand to make sure they stayed together, it sent a little shiver through him.  It was a unique experience, not only because of his limited memory, it was just a feeling from deep down that told him that he’d never participated in such things before.

Doug gave them a look and then rolled his eyes, causing Loki to look a little curiously at him, and he said, “And, obviously, I’ll need another ride home.”

“Hey, I didn’t have _that_ much!” Darcy said, slurring her speech enough to suggest that she probably had.

When Nat and June just laughed at Darcy’s response, she pouted slightly and said, “Alright, maybe.”

June then looked between Darcy and Loki, most likely noting how close the two of them stood, and spoke teasingly, “Seems Darcy and Lloyd are ready to get back.  I’ll drop them off, and Nat, you can take Doug.”

Doug nodded, saying goodbye to everyone and then he and Nat quickly made their way to her car.  Darcy walked behind June, letting her lead the way to the car and Loki walked beside her, feeling another shiver when she drew close to him to loop her arm through his as they walked. When they arrived to her car, June just let the two of them in and she quickly drove off. 

 

Though there wasn’t that much conversation, Darcy had chosen to put a hand on his thigh, which continued to send little shivers of anticipation through him.  Loki did not want to assume anything, as his lack of experience and memories could have him interpreting this situation between them all wrong, but when they met eyes and she gave him a little smirk as she ran his hand over his leg to squeeze his knee, his worries were set to rest.

 

He was certain that she would speak her mind if she were not comfortable with anything, because he was well aware of the taser she always seemed to keep on hand with her when she went places.  As he did not want to be the recipient of an attack of that weapon, he decided that it didn’t hurt to be extra careful.

After what seemed like too long, his closeness to Darcy making him slightly anxious, June pulled up to their dwelling.  She allowed the two of them to exit the car and she called to them from the window, “You two have fun!  Don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do.”

 

When she winked at them, Darcy just shook her head and laughed.  June then drove off, leaving the two of them alone.  Darcy led the way to the door to let them in and said, “Let’s get inside.”

 

Loki nodded and stood inside the doorway, taking off his shoes as she locked the door behind them, just taking a careful look at her as she did.  She then turned to face him after removing her own shoes and caught him studying her, chuckling lightly and motioned with her head toward the stairs and spoke in a slightly lower tone, “Come on.”

Loki walked behind her and hesitantly reached out his hand to gently rest it on the small of her back, finding this kind of contact to be exciting in all of its newness.  She led him to her bedroom and shut the door behind them when they were inside.  Now that they were finally locked away and alone, she appeared to drop any shyness she had left and looked at him with obvious desire in her eyes.

Having someone look at him like that both stroked his ego and ramped up his anxiousness.  He elected not to let her see how nervous he felt, his mischievous smirk returning to his face as she took a step closer to him.  She reached a hand up and carefully touched his chest, meeting eyes with him and giggling, the slurring now just barely detectable in her voice, “Your eyes are really green.”

“Ahh…thank you?” Loki replied softly, that smirk staying on his face, feeling his heart rate pick up with her proximity, now wondering if he should reach out and touch her as well.

She giggled again and was careful to keep their eyes locked.  She took in a deep breath and then leaned forward, tilting her head up to lightly brush their lips together.  Loki certainly found it to be a pleasant sensation, and in wanting to extend the kiss, he raised his hands up to rest on her shoulders to hold her close, not parting from her until his breath had run out.

He sucked in a quick breath as she leaned in for another kiss, this time deeper and far more demanding.  His hands instinctively ran up her shoulders to rest at the nape of her neck, trembling just slightly with his mix of nervousness and excitement, and he returned her kiss to the best of his ability.  Her hands were moving slowly over his chest, slowly pushing the jacket open until he got the hint and helped her to get it off of him, allowing it to fall carelessly to the floor.

She then grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in for another kiss, her tongue darting out to lick teasingly at his lips, sending tingles all the way down his spine.  There was no doubt in his mind that this activity was pleasurable, but deep down, it still felt as though something was missing, or that something was off.

His body currently wasn’t much in tune with his brain, far more interested in the sensations coursing through him, and this caused him to push the thought aside as he parted his lips for her, allowing her tongue entrance to his mouth.  She wasn’t doing much, but the way she kissed him made him feel a little weak in the knees, and he pulled her body closer to his by wrapping his arms around her back.

Her hands then moved up to bury themselves in his hair and take a light grip, tilting his head so that she could begin to kiss down his neck slightly, and Loki couldn’t help but make a small noise of approval.  He figured that this pleased her, since he could feel her smiling into the kisses that were moving in direction of one of his collarbones.

His hands trembled minutely as he slid them down her sides then to rest on her hips, using his grip then to pull her body flush against his, his body shuddering to feel that much contact at once.  She hummed and she then met their lips again, working her hands under his shirt to touch his skin.

His breath hitched and he found himself clutching her hips just a little tighter, causing her to rock against him just slightly.  She sucked in another deep breath as she pulled back, looking at him with a deviously suggestive gaze, using her grip on his sides to make him repeat the motion against her.

He was definitely aroused at this point, so the friction caused a quiet but needy moan to leave his lips.  The noise made him feel vulnerable, but he didn’t want to stop.  Even if his brain was protesting more insistently now that he wasn’t feeling the kind of emotional connection with her that usually accompanied activities like this.

She pulled back again, this time pushing him backward until his legs hit the bed.  Since she kept pushing him, Loki let himself fall backward, his eyes now lustful as he looked up her body slowly.  When they met eyes this time, she smirked and she pulled her shirt off and threw it aside, revealing her breasts in a small black bra.  She wasted no time in moving closer to him again and she quickly settled herself in his lap and took his lips in a passionate kiss.

At this point, Loki was completely at a loss of what to do next, as he had no memory or prior experience to give him a clue in this.  But the one thing he was sure of was how he just wanted to touch.  His hands were trembling again to run them up her sides, slowing down with hesitation as they reached just under her breasts.

His breath came out shakily as she tilted her lips toward his ear and whispered a low and hot, “Yes…” into it.

He stopped hesitating with his hands and gave her breasts a soft squeeze, moaning into her mouth as she captured his lips again.  Darcy then hooked her hands under his shirt and began to pull that off of him as well.  He allowed her to do so, and anxiously pulled her less covered body against his bare chest, shuddering when their skin touched.

She moved until her behind was square over his arousal and she gyrated her hips with purpose, creating the most deliciously torturous friction against him.  He panted and gasped, “You…are extremely skilled at this.”

Darcy smiled and whispered into his ear, “Thanks.”

Before she moved again, she darted her tongue out to lick around the shell of his ear, and the sudden rush of sensation through of him caused him to helplessly arch his hips upward into her.  It seemed as though she anticipated him, since she positioned herself over him so that motion would push his arousal against her with more force.

Loki gasped again as she bit playfully at his neck and then added, “How about we both get a little more comfortable?”

She shifted off of him for a moment to push her pants off and she forcefully pushed down on his chest until he was laying backward on the bed, making it easier for her to pull his pants off as well.  Darcy didn’t delay on straddling his hips and sitting on his lap again, and Loki whimpered at the increase in sensation caused by less clothes between them and Darcy even moaned back this time.

She rocked against him again, and now everything was infinitely more intense since so much more rubbing was possible for both of them in this position.  Loki noticed how both of them were gasping for breath, and this only served to make him even more aroused.  She continued this for many minutes before panting, “I…I want you…”

Loki’s body was screaming for it at this point, but his brain finally screamed louder, telling him that if he went forward with such intimacy, it would be an unspoken commitment forged between the two of them that could never be undone without pain to both of them.  Especially in a state when he didn’t have all of himself back yet, he didn’t want to move forward with something like this.  Though it was slightly selfish to think while in such a situation with Darcy, there was still the chance that there was already someone that was in his life before he ended up here, and it wouldn’t be right to betray them by giving all of himself to another person.

Deep down, there was still that attraction to Thor he knew he harbored, and until he knew what became of his relationship with him, he also couldn’t make such a move with someone else.  So, with great difficulty, he reached out to touch her face and pleaded, “I…I do not wish to make such a step so soon…but do not take it to suggest that I…do not desire it.”

Darcy caught her breath, but then she smiled, “Yeah, you’re right, things have been moving pretty fast.”

They were silent for a long moment when the smile on Darcy’s face turned a little roguish as she added, “Doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun though.”

She slid to settle beside him and moved her hand down to take his arousal in hand through his underwear causing him to suck in a fast breath in surprise.

“Y-you don’t have to— ” Loki breathlessly tried to tell her, but she put a finger to his lips.

“No.  I’d like to.” Darcy said, beginning to speed her hand up slightly.

Loki threw his head back and screwed his eyes shut, the sensation making him moan again, a little louder this time, unable to help himself.  She then slipped her hand under his underwear, and now with absolutely nothing between her hand and his arousal, he really could not hold back. 

Within just a few moments of that he gasped out in warning, “I am going to – ”

But before he could even finish speaking, he was there, the intensity of the orgasm washing over him as he spilled in her hand.  He lay back and let himself sink slightly into the bed as he felt her carefully pulling back her hand and get up from next to him.  Before he even had the mind to wonder where she had gone, Darcy had returned with what appeared to be a moistened cloth, and she softly cleaned the evidence of his orgasm off of his stomach.

Loki finally opened his eyes to look at her, and his lips twitched into a small smile on seeing hers.  As he quickly realized that he was having trouble keeping his eyes open and so he figured that his intoxication was finally catching up to him.  Darcy just threw the towel aside and invited him under the covers with her, saying with a soft smile, “Night.”

Loki just let out a small sigh and replied, “Good night.”

With nothing else spoken between the two of them, Loki found himself quickly drifting off to sleep.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

** Chapter 7 **

 

It was running late into the evening once again, but Thor had no intention of leaving.  He was in Asgard’s great vault of knowledge, tearing through tome after tome in search of some information on travel between realms that did not involve the Bifrost.  But to do this day after day for the past week was beginning to wear on him, and he so far hadn’t found any way that didn’t involve a powerful magic user, which Loki ironically happened to be.

He let out a sigh and let his forehead rest on the current page he was reading in a very thick and dense book he would have passed right by if he was in here for any reason in weeks before.  The way the candlelight danced on the pages was beginning to hurt his eyes, but he still couldn’t stop.  Not until he had a way to bring Loki home.

There was the possibility that Loki didn’t want to return after all that had happened, but Thor didn’t even want to consider that.  He just had to find a way to talk to him and he would deal the rest as it came.  He was about to continue reading again when he heard a voice near the door of the room he was in.

“My, my, this was the last place that I’d thought I’d ever find you!” the voice was amused and recognizable anywhere.

Thor looked up and replied in tired amusement, “This week has not been like the rest.  Though I’m wondering what you’re doing here, Fandral.”

“You haven’t been showing up to training for the past few days, so we were all getting a little worried is all.” He said, approaching him and clapping him on the shoulder.

Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun, and Sif all had been worrying about him, he could tell, but he couldn’t talk to them, not when they would not understand.  He internally chuckled at the irony of that situation, as this was probably the way Loki felt most of his life.

“I don’t have time to train right now.  I have…bigger issues to deal with.” Thor settled on saying, pretty sure that though his friends sympathized with him for loosing a brother, they had no interest in finding Loki and bringing him back.

Fandral let out a sigh, and said, “I know that this all has been hard on you…It’s been hard on us all, but you can’t just sit around and beat yourself up about things.”

 

Thor was silent for a long moment because he was beating himself up for a number of reasons.  For not making sure Odin treated them more equally as children, for not noticing that Loki felt so left out, for not supporting him more.  He finally let out a sigh and replied, "I can still make it right, Fandral."

 

Fandral just looked at him questioningly and asked, "How's that?"

 

Thor gave him a hard look, wondering if he should talk to him about what he found out at all.  He wouldn't even dream of asking Sif or the Warriors Three to accompany him in bringing Loki home, but would they support his decision to bring him home alone?

 

But he couldn't hide something like this from them for long.  He was no master of keeping secrets like Loki was.  He finally sighed and said, "Heimdal has found Loki and I plan to bring him home."

 

The look on Fandral's face told Thor that of all the things he expected him to say, this wasn't one of them.  Finally he sputtered, "Thor, that's just madness!  I know you feel some responsibility for recent events, but he betrayed us.  He betrayed you."

 

Thor's expression hardened again and he spoke firmly, "He was wronged by all of us. I just didn't understand until I fought him. It does not excuse his actions, but neither does he deserve to be condemned for it!"

 

Fandral then just looked at Thor like he'd gone completely insane and said, “He nearly destroyed Jotenheim completely! He almost killed you, us, _and_ your human friends! He was the reason that the Bifrost is now lost to us! This is not something do be done lightly!”

Thor would not be moved by Fandral’s argument, just saying, “If we only had treated him better in the past, perhaps he wouldn’t have been pushed to do all of this to get our attention.”

“But he lied to all of us.  How can we know with certainty that he didn’t just fall into the void to rack both you and Odin with guilt over his demise as a form of revenge for taking him down?  What if this all is part of some greater plan of his?  If we’ve learned anything, it is that Loki has a lot more going on under the surface than we ever expected.” Fandral spoke with reluctance, and Thor took what he said as a valid point.

It was true that Loki was far more manipulating and scheming than he’d ever thought, but people did do unthinkable things when pushed past all limits of their desperation and frustration, and so he shook his head, “Be that as it may, I still feel as though Loki felt he had no other choice.  I must speak to him, and with repairs to the Bifrost still many years ahead, I will keep looking for other ways to reach him.”

Fandral considered this for a moment before speaking, “Perhaps it is just as well that you get to him, as I wouldn’t wish for our human friends to unwittingly become entangled into one of his plots.”

Thor said nothing to that, the idea that Fandral would distrust Loki to this extent troubling, but there was no convincing him at this time.  The silence settled between them for a moment when Fandral spoke again, sounding even more reluctant, “I…believe that I might have something that might help you.  Let me get it.”

Thor looked after Fandral curiously as his friend left the room, but he didn’t have to wait long as he returned holding something, and he smiled when he saw it, “Your great horn.  Was it not an ornamental piece given to you by your grandfather?”

Fandral smiled back and said, “Yes.”

Thor smiled a little more as he thought of their childhood days when they’d used that horn in more than one prank, much to the adults’ consternation.

“Though, there were stories my grandfather used to tell me about this, things that I only thought to be flights of fancy he told to entertain me,” Fandral spoke with the smile slowly melting off his face as he continued, “Now learning of Loki finding other ways to travel between realms, perhaps there is more truth to it than I had previously thought.”

"Are you suggesting that this horn would somehow allow travel between realms?" Thor said, finally feeling a little hope in getting to Loki after these many days of searching.

 

It was slightly ironic to get this help from someone who had very little love for Loki, but he would take whatever he could get.

 

Fandral nodded and said, “From what he told me, a magic user has to enchant it, and blowing into it will then call a carriage drawn by mystical rams."

 

Thor raised an amused eyebrow at Fandral's description and said, "Rams?"

 

Fandral just smiled and shrugged, replying, "That is just what I was told."

  
Thor’s expression then got serious as he asked, “How powerful does the magic user have to be?”

Fandral considered it and replied, “Not very I believe.  It magic user would just be activating the horn, not powering it.  I believe it is magic all on its own.”

Thor nodded, silently taking in this information.  He finally shut the book he was holding and Fandral then handed over the horn to him.

“Keep it well, my friend.” Fandral said in concern, and Thor knew he worried for him.

Loki might have acted in a reprehensible manner, but Thor was absolutely convinced that he had no other route of action to take in the situation life put him in.  And though he’d failed in giving Loki the support he needed in the past, now he would let Loki know that he was ready to support him now, no matter what any one else thought.

Thor finally nodded to his friend as he prepared to leave the room, but he reached out and clapped Fandral on the shoulder and said, “Thank you.”

He exchanged a meaningful look with him, and then left the room, knowing that he had much to do, and one unlikely magic user to convince to help him.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

** Chapter 8 **

  
Loki examined the Casket of Winters in front of him.  His plan was already set into motion with Thor having acted brashly and thoughtlessly as he knew he would, and so ending up banished.  He was beginning to feel doubt on everything as a strange revelation came to light, leaving him with too many questions that needed to be answered.

Why, during the fight with the Jotuns, did the Jotun’s touch do nothing to him, as it had to the others?  It didn’t burn, it didn’t feel like anything.  It appeared that even the Jotun was surprised at this, and Loki wanted to know why.  Was everything he’d felt about himself up to this point in his life true?  Was he actually not a part of his family?

And the thought that chilled his blood the most…the one he would rather avoid, but with all evidence pointing in that direction, he had no choice but to think it.  Did the Jotun’s touch do nothing to him because…he was one of them?  Was his hair dark and his outlook on life so grim because he never was an Asgardian?  Was he truly not made of the same stuff as his family and friends and peers? 

This question ate at him as soon as that Jotun touched him, and he now needed the answers before he went any further with his plan.  So he came to the weapons vault to find them, no matter what horrific truth he would uncover in the process.  With shaking hands he reached forward to grab the handles on the sides of the Casket of Winters, and waited to see if there would be any pain in doing so.

He knew, as well as any other Asgardian, that touching the Casket for extended periods would lead to one absorbing the powers of frost held within the casket and so lead to them being frozen as a result.  He waited…and there was nothing.  He was holding tight to the handles and there was nothing.  Not even one shred of cold or pain as he held onto the Casket. 

He blinked in surprise and he supposed he had an answer.  It certainly wasn’t an answer that gave him much satisfaction, as it just left him with even more questions, but his thoughts were broken by Odin entering the room, asking what he was doing here.  Loki didn’t answer, deciding to speak his mind instead, feeling that was a far more pressing issue than his presence in this room.

“Am I cursed?” Loki asked without looking at Odin first, more fascinated by the way his hands turned blue as they absorbed the power from the Casket.

“No.” Odin simply replied.

How could it be that simple to him?  He was able to touch the weapon of their greatest sworn enemy, and he could feel nothing.

“What am I?” Loki then asked, deciding as much as it frightened him, he had to know the truth about everything and that he’d waited long enough.

“You are my son.” Odin replied simply again.

Loki wouldn’t accept an answer that simple, he couldn’t.  Not when he lived his whole life feeling as though he was one with shadows, feeling as though he didn’t have a shred of common ground with anyone around him, feeling as though he was the one puzzle piece that did not fit in with his family.

He put the casket down and turned to face his father, noticing the brief moment where all of his skin turned blue and icy looking.  This made a disconcerted and angry feeling pass through him, but he kept that under wraps for the time being, his tone trembling just lightly as he spoke again, “What more than that?  …The Casket wasn’t the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”

This question was the crux of the matter, and Loki anxiously awaited the response, though it was clear to him what the answer would be. 

“No.  Amongst the rubble I found a baby, small for a Giant’s offspring, abandoned and helpless.  Laufey’s son.” Odin said, for the first time in this conversation, a hint of emotion flashing on his face at his description of him as a tiny infant, and for some reason this felt like a stab to Loki’s heart.

It wasn’t easy to hear that he wasn’t even wanted by his own family, let alone his adoptive one.  He was fairly certain that it was luck that had Odin find him and take him in, but that did nothing to soothe the fury he felt in his heart over being kept in the dark for so long about the truth of his ancestry.

“Laufey’s son?” Loki asked, feeling numb.

Not only was he a Jotun, he was the leader’s abandoned son?  So small that even his own father didn’t want him?

“Yes.” Odin’s reply was soft, and Loki supposed he was trying to break it to him carefully.

It was simply too little too late.

“Why?” Loki said, his emotions bubbling up and beginning boil over, his body beginning to tremble with them as he tried cope, “You were knee deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?”

Odin’s voice was almost infuriatingly calm in response, “You were an innocent child.”

Loki’s rage and pain then came to his face and the words just burst out of his mouth, “No, you took me for a purpose. What was it?... TELL ME!”

He was being blinded by his anger far too much to see his father trying to placate him, beginning to feel crushed by every bit of self hate and doubt he’d felt in his life with this terrible truth pressing down on him, and so he hardly heard Odin’s next words, “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance. Bring about permanent peace, through you.”

Loki was sure he was on some kind of emotional rollercoaster, since this time Odin’s words made his eyes burn with angry tears, “What?”

“But those plans no longer matter…” Odin was trying his best, Loki knew this deep down, but he refused to accept it.

His whole life…it all was a lie.  Was he never truly loved by his father then? 

“So I'm no more than another stolen relic? Locked up here, until you might have use of me?” Loki’s words dripped with poison, letting all the feelings pent up inside him out finally.

“Why do you twist my words?” Odin didn’t seem to be taking this conversation very well, as pain had begun to reflect on his face at Loki’s words, but he was beyond caring for his father’s feelings, now trying to reconcile the idea that he never was wanted anywhere, not by his people and not even by those that took him in.

Did his mother know?  Did Thor?  He wasn’t sure, but they had to have known something.  The way that they looked at him when it was just him and them was a small solace from the disapproving eyes he usually was met with amongst the rest of their people, but was it always just pity?  Was any of it love or acceptance?  So many questions were blossoming forth and he had no good answers.

All he knew was that he had nothing any more, he was no one, as even his identity was a lie.

“You could have told me what I was from the beginning! Why didn't you?” his words rang with his pain and rage, all of his emotions mixing and leaving him absolutely confused with just how he should feel, tearing him apart.

Odin clutched at his heart and Loki thought that it was some kind of emotional gesture to demonstrate him feeling pain over this conversation as well, “You're my son... I wanted only to protect you from the truth...”

Loki tried to keep his tears in, tired of being thought about as weak, but his agony at losing everything he thought he knew about himself made his eyes burn, “What? Because I... I... I... I'm the monster that parents tell their children about at night?”

“No! No!” Odin had doubled over slightly at this point, but Loki was still stuck in his own head, trying desperately to make sense of everything he just learned, so he didn’t notice.

With a feeling like a searing brand being pressed on his heart, he bit out, “It all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all these years, because no matter how much you claim to love me you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on your throne of Asgard!”

Loki hardly could breathe as the truth of the situation violently became apparent to him, his whole body shaking as he fell apart, his tears close to breaking free, but he wasn’t given a chance to think on that note further since all of a sudden, Odin was struggling to speak, stumbling forward and falling to the ground. 

 

This man, though he lied to him his whole life, was still the only one he knew to be his father.  Odin was his father whether Odin wanted him or not, and to think that he might have hurt him crushed him even more, if it were possible.  In a panic, he cried out, “Guards! Guards, please help!”

 

Loki rushed to his side and supported him until the guards came into the room and took care of him.  The god of mischief, who wasn’t even sure he was worthy of such a title anymore, staggered backward and finally let a sob break from his throat.  He might have killed his father through his thoughtless words.  He might have destroyed what little he had left.

Loki felt his knees go weak and he felt gravity pull him down, putting his head in his hands as he let out another strangled sob.

 

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Loki sat up suddenly, choking on his breath as he gasped, realizing that tears were streaming down his cheeks. 

“Lloyd! God, I’m glad you’re awake now.” Darcy spoke, her face tight with concern.

It was hard to make out her exact expression in the dark, especially since everything was blurred by his still flowing tears.

He sucked in a difficult breath and stuttered, “D-Darcy…”

She reached out and touched his arm in comfort and said, “That must have been some dream. I woke up when…well, when I heard you crying. I tried to wake you up, but you were too out of it to respond.”

He blinked as he came out of the dream, shaking his head to chase the rest of it out and come completely back to reality. As he tried to calm himself down and make sense of the dream, he realized that it was another memory of his past. There was no question in his mind now that he was Loki, but he was still in the dark about what he had done to end up here.

He tried to gather his mind enough to respond, but after feeling what he just had through the dream, he wasn’t sure if he could quite manage it so quickly. His body trembled as he thought it over again, now just confusion and pain coursing through him as considered what he learned. He apparently was the son of Asgard’s greatest enemy and Odin had taken pity on him in taking him in when he could have been left to die as real his father had intended.

That thought made him suck in a painful breath and more tears sprung to his eyes. He finally tried speaking, though he was largely unsuccessful, “I…I remembered…”

Darcy kept stroking his arm and spoke in soft encouragement, “Remembered what?”

She didn’t rush him, but he could easily tell that she was extremely curious. How could he tell her what he’d found out about himself up to this point? He didn’t know the most important thing, the reason he’d lost his memory and ended up here. The sinking feeling that he’d done something horrible was stronger than ever now, especially with the memory he’d just regained. 

Loki finally shook his head, meeting eyes with her, his face vulnerable and deathly serious, and words slipped out in a quiet whisper, “Loki. My name is Loki.”

Darcy’s mouth dropped open in shock, “The god of mischief? Wow, no wonder you seemed to like him so much.”

He could still feel tears, and he wasn’t sure he could say any more. He sucked in a quick breath and said, “I…need to go.”

She just blinked at him in surprise, her hand still on his arm, and she said, “What?”

Loki sucked in another breath, still attempting to calm himself, “I…must take a walk.”

Darcy started to look more concerned and said, “Should I come with you? I don’t want you to be alone when you’re this upset.”

He shook his head and said, “Please don’t inconvenience yourself. I really do want some time alone to think.”

She squeezed his arm lightly and then let go, saying, “Okay, but just come get me if you do change your mind. It’s not a trouble at all.”

Darcy then gave him a comforting smile, and he really was touched that someone he’d known for such a short time would care for his well being in this way. He nodded and said, “Thank you.”

He then got out of bed and located the clothes he had on earlier and quickly put them on. He gave her one more thankful nod and said, “I will return later.”

He left then without delay, just walking without direction down the street the house was on, feeling as though the thoughts in his head were just as confusing as they were disturbing. He now had a returning sense of self. He was Loki, son of Odin and Frigga, brother of Thor, and the god of mischief. 

But he had also just learned that though he thought himself to be all of those things, he really wasn’t. He was actually the son of Asgard’s most hated enemy, the frost giant king Laufey. With the strong emotions roiling within him brought as a result of recovering his memory, he could only imagine how he felt the moment he first found all this information about himself out.

It was more than a sinking feeling now…he knew he had to have lashed out in some kind of horrible way on finding this truth out, it was an undeniable fact in his mind at this point. He saw the destruction in town when he was brought there by Jane, Darcy, and Erik, and this last memory clued him into some plot he had to prove himself worthy to everyone in Asgard, and most importantly his father.

What did the plot entail? How was it linked to the destruction he’d seen? More importantly, how was it linked to Thor? He could feel inside of him that the worst was yet to come in his memories, and he actively feared it now. When he had reached somewhat of an overlook over the desert the dwelling was beside, he stopped walking and just looked out over the dark sands.

He didn’t belong in Asgard, but did he really belong here? As comfortable as it was staying with Jane, Erik, and Darcy, something about it didn’t feel right. Something told him that he wasn’t worthy of their kindness. Especially Darcy’s in trying to help him to fit into her world and people she was associated with. He decided that he especially did enjoy Darcy’s company, and given the latest events between them, though spurred on by intoxication, he was faced with an important choice.

He already stepped away from full on physical intimacy with her due to his underlying feelings for Thor, but should he walk away from what was beginning to bud between them due to half remembered feelings? Which were strange enough, since they were for his brother, but there was little use in trying to deny them since it was obvious to him that they were already around for years on end and weren’t just a passing fancy. It was likely that they would return full force with his memories, and it wouldn’t be right of him to string Darcy along until that happened.

But the thought of waiting for something that would most likely never be made him feel plagued with a loneliness that sadly was all too familiar. He was sure he’d felt this his entire life, and even now, without his full self returned, it made him ache in a way that was so deep, he could feel a physical hollow right in his chest. 

He wanted to fill that void within himself, and with an opportunity to do so dangling right in front of himself, it was so tempting to do so. But it wasn’t right, he knew it, and he wouldn’t play with Darcy that way. If he was doomed to loneliness, then so be it. He would never use someone and then discard them when he was done with them. He could never do something to another person that he felt was done with himself.

Now, he wasn’t certain where it left him. He had no where else to go and no one else to turn to, so he had to return. He had to just wait until the rest of the mystery revealed itself to him before he could make a proper move. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, turning his head up to the sky, just wishing that circumstances were less difficult for him, just wanting all of himself back, come what may.

* * *

Thor was pacing around outside of his Mother and Father’s room, hoping to speak with Frigga. He needed a magic user to charm his horn to be able to make it work, and he knew she might just be able to do it for him, the real worry being whether she would or not. Thor was certain that she missed her boy, no matter what he’d done, and whether she’d borne him or not.

Frigga was always extremely loving and nurturing with them as boys, and he knew that Loki was far closer to her than he was, so it wasn’t only he that Loki’s absence hurt, he supposed. But, Loki still had betrayed them, no matter the reasoning behind it, and Frigga could not be caught involved in the attempt to bring him back here. Just for the fact that she was Odin’s wife would he have left her out of it, but there was no one else he could trust with this and no one else that would as easily want Loki back home.

He finally entered the room and found Frigga at her loom, where she often was to pass the time. He dipped his head in respect, and he said, “Mother.”

She looked up from her work and said, “Thor. It is good to see you.”

She got up from the loom and approached him, reaching up to gently take his face in her hands and give him a soft kiss on the forehead. When he pulled back, he gave her a tender smile and he replied, “And it is always good to see you, Mother. I regret that I have not spent much time with you in the last few weeks.”

She gave him a patient smile in return and she said, “I do not pretend that you do not have other issues that you must deal with most of the time. I just treasure the times that we do have together since…such times are never guaranteed in the future.”

Her face got a little sad at that, and Thor knew she thought of the times spent with Loki. This saddened him as well, and it spurred him on with what he was there to speak to her about.

“Mother…” he spoke with difficulty, since as much as he knew he had to tell her, it was still extremely difficult since Loki was still a sensitive subject in their house, “I have found him. Heimdall has located Loki on Midgard, and he is well.”

Her eyebrows went up in shock and she spoke in a quiet, conspiratorial tone, “He was not harmed by the void?”

There was great hope in her tone and Thor wished he had a more sure answer for her, but since he knew so little, he said surely and firmly, “Heimdall was able to see him sleep, and he seemed well in this regard. Beyond that, I do not know, but I intend to find out. I intend to go to him and speak to him. Hopefully to eventually bring him home.”

Frigga looked extremely conflicted as he told her this, but she knew as much as Loki was clever, Thor was stubborn, and there would be no way to convince him away from this course of action, so she stuck to asking him, “But how will you travel to Midgard? Our Bifrost portal is not functional.”

Thor shook his head and smiled, saying, “Do you remember the horn Fandral and I found endless amusement with as boys? He has informed me that when charmed it calls a chariot drawn by rams that can travel between realms.”

Frigga thought back to the past and she smiled, “Yes, I do remember it. And it is the rams that allow one to travel between realms?”

“Yes. And…I was hoping that you could be the one to activate it.” Thor said, sounding just the slightest bit nervous, since what he was asking her to do was bordering on treason, but he knew that he couldn’t give up on this before he even tried.

Frigga looked at her son carefully. Thor expected that she was debating over whether the love for her sons was stronger than her commitment to her people and kingdom, but the decision was made when she spoke, “I will do it.”

Thor just could grin in relief at her words, and then he decided that with her agreement, there wasn’t a second to waste, replying, “I will get the horn.”

She nodded to him, and he quickly went to his room to retrieve it, feeling his hands trembling with nervousness and excitement. He would be returning to Midgard. He would get to see Jane, Erik, and Darcy…and more importantly, he would finally set to rights his relationship with Loki. He couldn’t bear the idea that he’d already put his brother through such pain, and while there was no way to change the past to let Loki know that he cared, he would do so now.

He swiftly returned to where Frigga was waiting for him and he gently handed her the horn. She closed her eyes and muttered some words of charm. The horn glowed a bright gold for just a moment, and then it faded back to its normal color. As she handed it back to Thor, she grasped his hands and said, “Be careful, my son.”

Thor smiled softly and replied, “Yes, Mother. And I will bring him back to you…to us.”

Frigga then smiled genuinely at him, and it made him feel warm inside, because in the weeks following Loki’s traitorous actions and disappearance, such a smile was rarely found on her face. He hoped that his return would cause it to be there far more often. He reached out to touch her cheek, and then he made his way back to his room. Now that he had what he needed to make this work, he just had to put together a plan.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

Loki had eventually returned from his walk, especially since he had no where else to go, but he just sat at the kitchen counter, not much wanting to return to bed, since Darcy was most likely still there. He still liked her, but without the intoxication affecting his judgment, he knew that he could not continue to toy with her since she wasn’t whom he wanted.

All his dream/memories were telling him that he was in love with Thor. In love with a man that was his brother. If that wasn’t sick, wrong, or sad enough, there was also the fact that he had been treated as an outcast his entire life, even by his own father. The person he felt he had only wanted attention, or perhaps even a little bit of praise from. 

What had he done to try to get this attention? That was the last thing he most desperately wanted to figure out. It was at this point that Darcy came downstairs, and with it now being morning, she looked a little shyly at him as she took a seat next to him, saying, “Hey. Interesting night, huh?”

Loki was now uncomfortable, knowing he had to deal with the whole situation, so he just kept looking at the counter and replied softly, “Indeed.”

Darcy finally let out a sigh when things got awkwardly silent in the room, and then she spoke soothingly, “Look, I’m not expecting anything out of what happened, okay? I get it. We were both just having a bit of fun. We don’t have to go get married or anything.”

Loki then turned to look at her in surprise, and he found her giving him a small smile. He knew that she wasn’t just saying this for his benefit since there wasn’t any sign of distress on her face, and this caused him to let out his own sigh of relief, and he said, “This has been a difficult time for me. I thank you for your support.”

She gave him a light clap on the shoulder and said, “No prob. But I’d watch my ice cream if I were you.”

When Loki’s eyes widened a little in surprise, she just laughed and gave him a wink. When he realized it was a joke, he gave a weak smile, still not very good at picking up on her humor, but struggling to keep up with the rest of them. 

Her expression then turned a little more serious as she said, “So…you figured out you’re Loki…the god of mischief, right? I was trying to read up on all that stuff, and that’s one thing I remembered.”

She gave him a small smile as she added, “I tried to read more on him, since from the beginning you seemed to like him. No wonder.”

Loki said nothing to that, now turning his mind back to the last disturbing memory that had come to him. After finding out that he was not truly an Asgardian, what did he do next? This question had continually been haunting him after the memory surfaced, but he had no answers and no way to find out.

No way except wait. He knew the right thing to do would be to distance himself from the three people here kind enough to take him in, because he felt as though he would only end up bringing them pain when the memories all came back, that he would feel completely alone again.

But how could he really save himself when he knew that whatever he remembered would not be good? Perhaps he should tell them whatever he knew up to this point and stop hiding information fro them, but he was afraid. He didn’t want to do the right thing because then he truly would be left with nothing and no one.

He looked at Darcy one more time and this made him hold his tongue. He didn’t want to be alone. He was slowly realizing that was the way his life was up to this point, and he didn’t want to continue that pattern. When the memories all came back, then he would go, when there was no other choice for him. For now, he would wait.

* * *

Days passed by and Loki was glad to find out that Darcy had kept her word about expecting nothing more from him or their relationship, as he was even more hesitant to get even closer Darcy, Jane, and Erik for the inevitable breakdown of everything. There was no question in his mind that they would hate him and that he would be left with nothing again.

He tried to put this out of his mind as Jane suddenly spoke to him over the breakfast table, “So, Darcy tells me that you’ve been able to remember more about yourself. That you think you’re Loki, the god of mischief?” 

She was smiling at him in a friendly way, and that made Loki strangely feel more guilty about everything. Loki swallowed the feeling though, not allowing it to show on his face. No need to let them on to his worries for the time being, deciding to deal with the ultimate fallout when he had his full memory back.

He finally nodded and said, “That is what the memories that have been slowly returning have implied to me.”

Jane thought for a moment before responding, “Well, if you are able to get back all of your memories, maybe we can find out what happened to Thor after he left. There seemed to be something really serious happening, especially with how he was almost killed here before he went. I just want to find out if he’s alright.”

Loki sucked in a slow breath to keep his own emotions under control and said, “I will give you all of the information I can once it returns to me.”

Erik was just silently listening to the conversation up to this point, but he finally piped in, “You know, there might be a way for you to get the memories back faster.”

Loki looked at him and he pushed down his urge to tell him that he didn’t really want the memories to return in fear of what he might remember, instead saying, “Is that right.”

Erik nodded and continued, “I’ve heard of meditative techniques being used in cases where memory loss was an issue. Since the memories seem to be returning slowly as it is, this could be a way to bring them back a bit faster.”

Loki nodded one more time, “I will take this under advisement.”

Erik smiled and got up from the table, saying, “Well, time to get back to work.”

Jane and Darcy also stood up and Darcy said, “I guess we have some work to do. We’ll be back later.”

Loki acknowledged and said, “I will be here when you all return.”

The three of them then said goodbye and finally he was alone. In his time in this house, he realized that the times he was completely alone were few. He needed to make use of this time and finally get to the bottom of everything. Figure out once and for all who he really was and his past. He could not hide from it anymore, especially not after everything that Darcy, Jane, and Erik had done for him.

He went up to his room and took a seat crosslegged on the bed and closed his eyes. There had to be something he could call up on will…some inkling of a memory…hopefully something that would lead to more, no matter what that was. He needed all of himself back, and only then would he be able to make a decision of what he was to do next.

He tried to clear his mind and relax himself, hoping that would bring something to the forefront of his mind. There had to be a way he could access that part of his mind. He was certain that he had not suffered any kind of physical trauma as a result of his fall, so there was only the emotional trauma that caused him to block the memories.

He had to bring the wall down in his mind and get there. Nothing was forthcoming, so he decided to think about what he knew already, hoping to jog his memory that way. Thor…thinking about his so called brother stirred the strangest emotions within him, and there was no denying that those feelings were the root of many of his actions that brought him here to Earth.

He wouldn’t deny he was scared, but the truth was more important. He knew it was, and so he considered everything he knew. He loved Thor, obviously in a way that wasn’t exactly appropriate to love a brother. He also knew beyond a doubt he hated him with everything he had, since Thor received everything that he ever wanted. His father’s love, their peoples’ regard…he knew that in spite of his love for Thor, he just wanted the acceptance he never knew his whole life more than anything else.

And if his last recovered memory meant anything, it was because he wasn’t his parents’ true child…wasn’t Thor’s brother. And he…he had done horrible things due to that…he knew it. What he saw here in New Mexico hinted that to him without a doubt. Letting himself sink a little further into his mind, a memory began to surface. He didn’t fight it, hanging on to the thought that the truth was the only thing that mattered.

* * *

Everything was going according to plan. Loki was able to summon Laufey to Asgard with the seduction of killing Odin himself, but he didn’t allow it. He waited for the right moment to finish Laufey off himself, so that his father could clearly see his savior. He might be a Frost Giant, but he wasn’t raised that way. Whether he fit in with them or not, he was forever Asgardian, and so he would now prove his worth.

Killing Laufey wasn’t the only thing he had in mind. He wanted to prove to everyone that he would be able to finish what both his father and Thor had started once and for all. His train of thought was broken when his mother rushed forth to hug him on stopping his father’s would be killer.

“Loki, you saved him!” she cried as she held him close.

His mother was always so loving with him and he was so thankful for that. She provided him with warmth when all he got from is peers was rejection. He wasn’t only doing this for himself. He was doing it for her too, to prove to her that he was just as worthy of her pride as Thor was. He knew his mother loved him regardless, but he wanted more. He always wanted more than he got.

“Mother!”

Loki’s attention was drawn to the other side of the room by the last voice he wanted to hear. He was certain that the Destroyer had done its job when he’d sent it after Thor on Earth, but obviously his dear brother had somehow found a way to escape. Deep down, he felt a bit of relief that Thor wasn’t dead, but he couldn’t have him showing up here, not now.

He let his mother run to Thor to welcome him home and he once again felt his brother steal the attention from him, right under his nose. Right after he’d saved his father from certain death, she would still run to Thor? The feeling of bitterness and jealousy at this just strengthened his resolve. He would not be stopped, not even by his brother. When he was done, no one would deny his worth.

When Thor finished hugging his mother, he turned his accusing eyes on Loki and said, “Why don’t you tell her how you sent the Destroyer to kill my friends, to kill me?”

Loki felt a sensation of guilt shoot through him at that, but he schooled his face into one of indifference. He always doubted himself, always second guessed. The time for all of that was over. He had to see his plan through, otherwise he would forever be considered the failure of a younger brother and a child he always was. He would not stay in the shadows any longer. It was his time to act, no matter the consequence.

Thor was unbearably dear to him, but all of this was far larger than his surely misplaced feelings. Feelings that had no chance of being returned anyway. Giving Thor a mock innocent look, trying to ignore his mother’s look of shock at Thor’s words, he responded coolly, “I must have been enforcing Father's last command.”

Thor just gave him a hard look then that made his heart clench and Loki knew he wouldn’t be talking his way out of this as his brother said, “You're a talented liar, brother, you always have been.”

With Thor, it never was just talk. It was always fighting and action and glory. Well, this time, Loki didn’t plan on disappointing, since he was sick of just laying down and letting Thor overshadow him and take what he felt he deserved. No matter his true lineage, today he would prove that he was Thor’s equal and deserving of all the love and respect he never was able to garner before this time.

It was with this in mind that he flippantly responded to Thor, turning the Odin Spear on him, “It's good to have you back. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotenheim.”

Before Thor could respond, he blew him straight out of the wall and moved to secure his destiny.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

Loki’s eyes shot open. It was true then. All the horrible damage he saw done to the town, the stories he heard from Erik, Jane, and Darcy…it was all due to him. He’d almost killed them all and destroyed an entire race. All to feel…acceptance? It was easy to justify such an extreme act when he didn’t know those that his actions would affect, intentionally or unintentionally. But meeting Erik, Jane and Darcy changed him. It didn’t feel all that justified any more. It was not as though he had any love for the frost giants, but he felt different about the three of them.

They helped him even before they knew who he was and he felt comfortable just being himself around them. He never felt that way living in Asgard. He was hardly spared a second glance from his family and his people, only getting some attention due to being the prince. He was certain that if he wasn’t a part of the ruling family, he wouldn’t have gotten spared a second glance.

But, here with the three of them...he felt valued and accepted. Darcy actually found him attractive, interesting, and desirable. No other person felt that way about him. He was considered a trickster at best by everyone in Asgard, but he was forgettable. He didn’t want to be forgettable. But at this point, he was sure that he didn’t have a choice. After what he had done, he knew he wasn’t worthy of any of their kindness.

Letting out a sigh, he got up from where he was sitting and tried to set himself to doing something so that his guilt wouldn’t eat him up alive. He decided to use one of the computers in the home to read more of these so called ‘Norse Legends’ to find more about his and his people’s pasts. Though he read the words, they didn’t exactly register with his worries clouding his mind.

This didn’t change the whole time that Erik, Jane, and Darcy were gone, and he just half heartedly returned their greetings to him as they came in. He continued to be similarly mute as they tried making normal conversation with him, only giving short answers if he absolutely had to speak. Darcy started watching him with a concern that just made him uncomfortable and guilty, and while Jane prepared something for them to eat, he informed them that he would be outside while he waited.

He couldn’t stand knowing that Darcy was worried about him and that Jane and Erik unassumingly had just accepted him into their lives without knowing just how much he deserved quite the opposite from them. He let out a sigh and put a hand over his eyes and forehead, trying desperately to think of some solution, but being quite aware that there was none where anyone would win. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that he was followed outside and only when he was spoken to did he become aware. 

“So, remember something else?”

Darcy’s voice jarred him out of his self depreciating thoughts, and he blinked as he tried to put together some kind of response, “I…yes. I was able recall a little more of my past.”

She looked at him expectantly, but there was no more forthcoming, since he didn’t even want to reveal that much. Something about her easy way with him disarmed him. He almost had to remind himself not to tell her about any of this, and while it comforted him to have someone like this in his life at such a time, the very nature of the information he hid would take his confidant away from him.

When she realized he had nothing more to say, she smiled with some sympathy and she asked, “You know what we do here when we’re down, don’t you?”

Loki shook his head, and she gave him a little smirk as she playfully lifted an imaginary glass to her lips, “We drink our troubles away. And that’s just what we’re going to do tonight.”

He raised an eyebrow and just as he was about to refuse, she shook her head and said, “No argument. We’re going.”

He let out a sigh and reluctantly agreed, “Alright.”

“Now that’s the spirit. Come on. Let’s go see if what Jane made tonight is edible.” She joked as she led him to the kitchen.

The flavor of the food was the last thing on his mind. He was more concerned on how his days with the only people to ever have made him feel a part of something were numbered.

* * *

After they all had finished their dinner, Darcy explained to them that she would be taking Loki out, to which Jane raised an eyebrow at and Erik fixed a hard look on Loki as he told her to try to bring them back at a reasonable hour. Loki was bewildered by that for a moment, as Erik had only treated him with a friendly manner before, but he quickly realized that Erik most likely considered himself somewhat of a father figure to both Jane and Darcy, and this reaction was one of protection, so Loki assured him, “We will return as expediently as possible.”

Erik’s expression relaxed slightly as he said that, and then Darcy took this opportunity to tug Loki to the door. The two of them said their goodbyes and she drove them into the town. A good portion of it was still in ruins, but it seemed that the establishment she took him to had survived. Just barely from the look of things, but it was standing while its neighbors were in a much more sorry condition. Loki felt one more stab of guilt at this, but he gulped it down, not wanting to worsen his mood even more and worry Darcy as a result.

He allowed Darcy to lead him into the building and she led the two of them to a small booth near the back. Loki attempted to sit across from her, but she pulled his hand to sit next to her. He looked at her curiously, but he couldn’t deny the closeness was nice with his uncertainties about everything. It was likely he wouldn’t feel this much longer, so he would take what he could get.

She gave him a small smile and moved her mouth by his ear and said, “It is a little loud in here…this makes it easier to talk.”

She accompanied her words with a small stroke to the back of his hand, and Loki tried to digest what all of this meant. She assured him that what happened between them had no emotional significance to her, and yet, she still wanted to be near him now when neither of them were intoxicated presently. He now realized that whatever was going through her head was far more complex than ‘just a bit of fun’ as she had called it.

He was also certain that their non intoxicated state would not last long, as she was suggesting this drinking away of one’s troubles. He let out a small sigh, deciding not to think on this too deeply, letting the cards fall as they would. He had issues to deal with that were far more complicated than whatever this was with Darcy, so he left this alone.

“I’ll just go get us something.” She took a look at his morose face, and some concern flashed in her eyes as she added, “Something a little strong, I think.”

Loki had no input to offer on drink choice, so he nodded and replied, “Whatever you think is best.”

She gave his hand a little squeeze and then went off the get the drinks as Loki waited. He remembered the last time they both drank and what happened, so he wondered if this was going to become some kind of pattern between them. It wasn’t as though he had much experience when it came to love, any interactions he had in the past due to the fact he was one of the princes of Asgard. 

And he also knew that he was ‘the next best thing’ since usually Thor already had the lady of his current choice on his arm, and these girls obviously accompanied him to any events they held with the intention of getting closer to Thor. It hurt Loki at first that anyone he had his eyes on, always looked to Thor, but he got used to it.

As much as it irritated him to see all of the empty headed girls go after his brother, because of his own confused feelings, and the fact that he thought Thor deserved better than that, he let it happen, since Thor seemed to be happy. At least…before he visited Earth. Loki felt a sinking feeling suddenly, but now he wasn’t sure why. What was it about Thor’s visit to Earth affected him so?

Another mystery he could do nothing but wait to find out. He was tired of waiting. He knew that now he at least had a tool to bring the memories back faster, but he was tired of getting himself back in pieces. Especially when the more he found out about himself, the more he hated himself. He lived his life in the shadows, only to make a bid for attention by bringing his entire world on its head. He even failed in that endeavor, that much was obvious. 

He almost wanted to give up on the memories and on the self that he was remembering. He couldn’t be that person anymore if he wanted to survive with any measure of self respect. It was hard to absolve himself of all that he’d done though, especially now that he felt that nothing justified those actions. He let out another sad sigh as Darcy came back with two wide and shallow cone shaped glasses in her hands, and she said, “I got us some martinis. Strong but good.”

She sat back next to him and said, “It just looked like you needed it.”

Loki looked at her seriously and said, “Perhaps your assessment is correct.”

After a few moments of silence sipping their drinks, Darcy finally asked, “So, your last memory. What was it?”

Loki looked at her curiously since she never asked him exactly what he remembered before, and then he looked away and said, “I’d prefer not to talk about it.”

She reached under the table to take his hand softly and said, “Bad one?”

“You could say that.” He answered shortly, not sure what else he could say.

It was bad enough that she asked him so directly, but the fact that she was being so nice to him as she did was enough to make the guilt in him rise infinitely.

“Hey, that’s why we’re here. This is supposed to make it feel a little better.” She said, lifting up her drink glass and gulping down whatever was left. 

She encouraged him to do the same, and perhaps the sudden rush of alcohol loosened his tongue just slightly, “I doubt that will be true in my case. I would need far more than just a few glasses.”

Darcy then gave him a sympathetic look, still holding onto his hand as she then called a waiter to get them more drinks, and she replied, “No one is perfect. We all end up doing things that we’re not proud of.”

As soon as their next drinks arrived, Loki took his and took a big gulp immediately. If he was going to partake in this ritual, he would do so properly. After another long moment of silence, he said in a sorrowful tone, “It is far more than ‘not proud of.’ What I have done…it is unforgivable.”

She squeezed his hand and gave him a tender look, “If you feel sorry for whatever it is, then it can’t be unforgivable.”

Loki just stayed silent at that, accepting her comfort, but feeling guilty all the same. If she knew the truth, she wouldn’t be giving him this comfort at all. He held on to her hand though. Since this wouldn’t be lasting long, he didn’t want to let go. Even if this meant that something was happening between them, he would take this much, his feelings for Thor aside. Thor wasn’t here now, so he took this.

She didn’t ask him any more questions as she sat with him, and for that he was thankful. After a while, she informed him that she would be going to the bathroom and would be right back. Loki nodded her own, and then sat alone at the table. He then gulped down the rest of his second drink, having nothing to distract him from his thoughts when she left.

As he tried to keep his mind down the road that he should leave the three of them before he took too much advantage, suddenly, near the back of the bar there was a lot of confusion. He hurriedly looked up from the table and saw that everyone was panicking due to a fire that had started inside the bar. Loki located one of the bar employees that was trying to maintain some order as everyone was led out of the building, and on attempting to ask him what was going on, all he was able to get out of him was that they had some kind of electrical fire due to the destruction of the neighboring buildings, and since this bar was made of the equivalent of tinder, they all had to get out of there as quick as humanly possible.

He was about to file out with everyone, but he suddenly remembered that Darcy was in the bathroom right near where the fire originated. He felt a thrill of fear run through his body at the thought of her being trapped in a burning building, and he knew he couldn't let that happen. People attempted to pull him back as he began moving inside again, but he shrugged them off. He would not be stopped. 

Especially not when Darcy's life hung in the balance. He tried covering his mouth with his sleeve as the smoke got thicker, but he pushed on toward the bathroom, knowing that was where she was likely to be. On entering the hallway the bathroom was located in, he could even feel the flames licking at him through his clothes. He tried calling out Darcy's name, but opening his mouth just made him cough. Loki was about to leave and search elsewhere, but he heard a small cry for help over the roar of the flames.

He saw that part of the bathroom wall had caved in, and in the wall happened to be some electrical wires that had broken due to the disintegration of the wall. Along the same wall were the water pipes for the bathroom, so the water from those pipes was spilling dangerously near the live wires. The fire was quickly spreading, and there was no clear way to get to the corner Darcy hid herself in.

“Darcy!” Loki yelled, trying to move, closer, but he found there was nowhere for him to even move without feeling the burn of the hot flames.

“No, just get out of here, Loki! I don't want--” Darcy was cut off by a coughing fit, trying to push father into her corner to stay away from the electrified water.

Loki knew he had to act and it had to be now. He hadn't even tried to access his powers since remembering that he had them, but now he had no choice. He closed his eyes and ignored the blaze behind his eyelids and he reached within himself, trying to call up the power that used to be at his fingertips.

The power just rushed through him as he extended a hand toward the flames, getting ever closer to Darcy, calling the fire toward himself. Darcy’s mouth had just about dropped open as Loki pulled the fire and caused it to dance around him. It was a large strain on him, as fire was one of the hardest things to control, but he wasn’t done yet. The water was still too dangerous for Darcy to touch, so he reached out his other hand and cleared a path by pushing it against a wall. 

It was a strange sight to watch and hear the water crackling as it moved so unnaturally, but Loki was more concerned about maintaining his control over all the elements long enough for Darcy to move to safety. He grunted with effort as he spoke, “Darcy…come to me.”

His hands trembled to hold these elements that desperately wanted to escape his control, but he held strong as he watched her edge toward him, awe and confusion warring for dominance on her features. He supposed he would explain it all to her later. Right now he had to just make sure there would be a later for both of them. He might be a god, but he wasn’t invincible. The combined destruction of both of the forces he was attempting to control could easily injure him badly if they didn’t kill him.

When she finally made her way to him, he pushed both the water and fire away from them and kept them there as he backed them out of the bathroom. When they made their way out to the main bar area, he saw much of it was already engulfed in flames, but luckily there seemed to be one clear path to the door. He didn’t waste a second, scooping Darcy up in his arms and running for it, feeling the flames licking at them at every turn. He kept her as close to his body as he could, wanting to protect her the best he possibly could, and he barreled right through the open door to the fresh air outside.

Darcy clutched to him for dear life, and even when Loki had distanced both of them enough from the building to be safe, he didn’t let her go, only allowing her to stand on her feet. He clutched her protectively against his side as the both of them caught their breaths. In the background he began to hear some kind of sirens that seemed to be nearing them, but he didn’t ask Darcy what those were, only concerned for her well being. He realized that he could have just lost her, and that made his heart clench. 

He wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if that happened. If someone who trusted in him so much, as misplaced as this trust was, died, it would have been extra weight on his soul that he wouldn’t have been able to handle. He refused to lose the one person that seemed to accept him and that comforted him as he remembered the horrible things from his past. It may be that when he finally told her what he was and what he had done, this would be over, but for now, he felt great relief at her being safe in his arms.

Even after many minutes, he still clenched her against his body. It was a kind of comfort in feeling the warmth of her body against his, reminding him that, yes, they both were alive. Before his fall to Midgard, he felt such little care for his own life, and frankly, anyone else’s, but now everything was different. He was different. Loki finally looked down at her to meet her eyes, and seeing the combination of awe, gratitude, shock, and fondness all on her face stirred something inside of him. 

No one ever looked at him that way before. No one ever noticed him before, even if he was right there with Thor and the rest. No, Thor always garnered all the attention, but here…it was just him and her. He ignored the humans that came in the large red vehicles to fight the fire, and the confusion as other patrons of the bar tried to explain their escapes of the fire, only looking into her eyes. He was just as lost now as he was when he fell into the void, but this time…it wasn’t the loss of himself or an emptiness in his soul. It was the gain of something meaningful and significant, and something he absolutely couldn’t ignore. It was true that he often let his emotions get the best of him, but now, he had no choice.

Perhaps she felt as overcome as he did, since she bit her lip and reached a hand out to softly lay on his chest, and she whispered, “Loki…I’m glad you’re here.”

To hear her words and his true name on her lips with her looking at him that way made him feel so taken that he sucked in a quick breath and shut his eyes for a few beats. He’d never felt so touched in his life. Most people he knew, except perhaps his mother and Thor, just wanted him around to use him or his abilities. He never was simply appreciated. People never wanted him to be with them just to be there. But now…after committing perhaps the first selfless act in his life, he knew what it felt like to be truly wanted.

He took a shaky breath as his heart hammered in his chest, and mostly out of his control, he bent his head down to kiss her. This wasn’t like the lust driven intoxicated kisses they had engaged in before. No, this felt so much deeper than that, and even this simple kiss made him feel a bit weak in the knees. He held the kiss as long as his breath held out, and even then he was hesitant to end it. 

He let out a sigh of comfort as he slowly opened his eyes to look at her and softly reply, “And I am also glad that you are here.”

It didn’t matter that they were around so many other people while the fire was still being valiantly fought, all Loki could see was her. The genuine smile she gave him in return warmed him right from his core, and he easily accepted when she tilted her head up for another kiss, tightening his arms around her just a little more, hoping against hope that there was a way to pull her just a little closer, even if they were pressed right up against each other.

After that one was held as long as it possibly could, Darcy finally pulled back and reached up to tenderly caress one of Loki’s cheeks as she said, “Let’s go home.”

He just nodded, knowing that he would likely follow her anywhere at that point.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

Thor knew that the time to leave on his search for Loki would come, but he stood on the edge of the Bifrost, still jagged and broken, looking down into the endless depth of the swirls, holding the horn in his hand as he prepared to begin the journey. He let out a sigh as he thought on the events that had caused such destruction of the bridge, wishing so dearly now that he had been able to speak to Loki before everything had gotten so out of hand.

It was true the two of them were very close as boys, but now Thor really wondered if he understood Loki at all. He mustn't have if things spiraled out of control the way they did if Loki would even go as far as vehemently taking the throne of Asgard from him. Loki told him during their last fight that all he wanted was to be his equal. That he never wanted the throne or its power. Was Thor always so blind to Loki's needs? This set his mind back to times they spent together as boys. Thor had always known Loki didn't much get along with their peers, and he always assumed it was because he wished to hone his skills in magic, while most lads honed their skills in physical fighting.

Growing up, Thor had very little interest in Loki's passion with magic, only recently figuring out just how skilled his brother was. If only he had taken more interest, Loki might not have continually felt as though he was in his shadow, continually striving for his acceptance and acceptance from their peers. This loneliness and frustration must have turned to bitterness over the years, so it was no wonder Loki lashed out at all of them, wanting to take everyone's respect by force.

Thor didn't understand any of it until he was holding Loki up from falling into the void, and to see the look of absolute heartbreak on his face when their father rejected him, it killed him. He understood Loki in that moment, but it was too late, or so he thought. He was certain that he would never see Loki again, and that he would have to live with his guilt of driving Loki to such actions to win something he never should have had to fight for.

He let out a regretful sigh as a particular memory from their youth came to mind. They were but young men, barely having left childhood, and he believe now that those years were the roughest for Loki, when all of them attempting to become the men they thought they wanted to be. With no acceptance to be found with him as a group with his friends, Loki had no choice but to become an outsider.

And, now, Thor knew how deeply the torments of those boys had hurt Loki…how deeply he himself hurt Loki either because he didn't know or simply didn't care, believing Loki to be far too sensitive for his own good. Loki really only seemed to be sensitive on matters that involved him, and now he wished one more time that he told Loki there was no need to feel that way, since he had his love and respect always.

In the situation he remembered, he was spending time with his other peers, with Loki reluctantly in tow, as he usually was, and all of them had decided to have an impromptu competition of sorts. Thor thought it was all in good fun, since all the lads were trying to spar and build their skills more frequently at that age, but on making the suggestion to the group, he saw the look of displeasure that crossed Loki's face.

Thor didn't pay that any mind, knowing that usually Loki turned down those opportunities in the past. He saw the disdainful and patronizing looks the other lads gave Loki on noting his, and it appeared that his brother saw it too, since, unexpectedly he suddenly insisted that he be included in the sparring as well. Thor was about to assure Loki that he didn't have to if he didn't want to, but the other boys seemed to be pleased as they shouted their agreement. But, immediately most of the boys chimed in that magic needed to be restricted from the competition, and only hand to hand weapons would be allowed.

Thor thought he saw a split second flash of worry in Loki's eyes at those terms, but he nodded his own agreement, appearing to look brave. How brave his brother really was, and Thor wished he knew it then. Going against others in a fight that one knew he would not win? But, at the time, Thor believed it was Loki attempting to finally fit in with him and his friends, and he approved of this, not wanting the other lads to feel as though his brother was a strange one that did not deserve to be another prince of Asgard.

For a long time, he knew that was the general agreement among the young men, although no one said it out loud to him, with the rightful fear that he would defend Loki's and his family's honor verbally as well as physically, if it was needed, it was still spoken about quietly among them. He wanted Loki to prove himself to them, and so if he would take part in what they regularly did, it was the right step. He smiled and had clapped Loki on the shoulder at his agreement, but, even that little show of friendship seemed to make him unsteady on his feet.

Thor then had tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in his gut as one of the boys then immediately challenged Loki. He thought that since he was the top contender to beat, he would be able to take most of the challenges from the group, but this lad, he had it out for Loki since they were young boys. There had been many confrontations between the two from that time, and more than once, Loki had used his magicks on him to fend him off. Thor would not interfere though, knowing that this was the way disputes were solved among the boys of their society, so it was a matter of honor and pride that he not say anything.

Thor wished he did though, since now in their teenaged states, this boy toward over Loki and exceeded his strength by at least two times. Thor took in another difficult breath as worry passed over Loki's face, but he nodded, still trying to keep on his brave face. Thor had then thought it to be Loki attempting to claim his rightful place in their society, so he supported that. He wished well for his brother, so he let him do this.

Thor set the rules at one being claimed the victor when the other was incapacitated, and he leant Loki his heavy broad sword since the other had no weapons that were appropriate for this challenge. Loki depended on magic, so there was no need for large weapons, but he did train some with them just as a matter of tradition, since all boys in Asgard were trained with hand held weapons from a young age. But he knew Loki paid little attention during these lessons, far more interested in training with his magic. That would leave him at a disadvantage in this fight, but he trusted that Loki would hold his own. He would have use of his powerful and well balanced weapon. It was easily considered the best sword in Asgard, and he trusted to the core that Loki would be able to wield it successfully. He was an Odinson, after all.

Loki appeared to be straining under the weight of the sword, Thor could see that, but he still let Loki walk to the center of the small circle they made for the fight. He should have known better. Asking Loki to fight like this would be like asking him to cast magic. He then just watched, hoping for the best. The other boy sneered at Loki struggling slightly with the blade, but Loki, as always, put on his hard face, no matter how unsure of himself he was. Thor knew it was a great deal now.

The boy gave little warning as he ran forward with a powerful blow, and Loki was just able to dodge with a counter swing of his own. Naturally, since Loki never trained with such a heavy weapon, the blow was easily sidestepped by the more experienced boy, and he slammed the butt of his sword against Loki's chest, earning a grunt from his brother as he was sent to his knees by the powerful blow. Some pain flashed on Loki's face, but he did not make a sound as he rolled away from the next powerful blow that was aimed at his head.

Loki kicked his leg out to trip up the other, but since the other weighed so much, the kick did little more than make the lad stumble, and in response he brought his sword down to Loki's chest, and it glanced off Loki's armor, causing his brother to almost fall backwards. Loki counter balanced by swinging hard with his sword but since he was so inexperienced with the weapon, his swing wobbled severely and was easily parried.

The boy then did a round house kick and caught Loki's shoulder, rocking him sideways. Thor then was trying not to cringe at how easily Loki was pushed around by the other boy, not understanding that wasn't this kind of fighter and never would be. Though Loki stumbled as a result, he tried to jab outward with the sword, but it was clear that he almost lost his hold with the force of the swing.

The boy then kicked the sword out of Loki's hand so that it clattered by their feet and he slashed out with his own. The strike ended up slashing right over Loki's cheek, and blood ran down his face as the boy shoulder butted his brother to the ground. Thor had to cringe at that, since it appeared Loki fell at a strange angle on his arm, but his brother didn't give up, reaching his other hand out to scrabble for the fallen sword.

The sword was swiftly kicked out of reach by the other boy, and that arm too was almost injured when he tried to stomp on it. Luckily Loki was able to yank his unharmed arm out of the way and used it to yank the boy's foot and pull him off balance enough to stumble, but when the boy fell forward, he used his momentum to fall hard on Loki's body and then swung a fist to punch Loki's face.

Loki struggled to get the boy off of him, but he wouldn't let up on the punches. Thor could see that Loki was really suffering now, and finally he couldn't take it any more, finally yelling at him to stop. Thor couldn't take the sight of Loki defenselessly laying there while he was beaten, not making a single sound. The boy took one more punch before he moved off Loki, and it seemed that not only was Loki injured, but he was dazed as well, letting his head loll to a side as he let his good arm fall to the ground when the beating stopped.

Thor naturally approached to see if Loki would be okay, but, to his great surprise, Loki opened his eyes and used his good arm to haul himself up, very unsteadily, yes, but quite a feat with the kind of injuries that Thor suspected he suffered. At first, Thor thought Loki to be fine when he spit aside some blood in his mouth when he was back on his feet, informing them that he had far better things to engage himself in than to stay with them, and without another word, Loki moved away from the group with a staggering pace, quickly rounding a corner into a building that lined the courtyard they were training in. The other lads jested about Loki's easy defeat in battle, but Thor refused to say a word on the topic, unable to have one bad thought about his brother.

He continued to train with the other boys for a few minutes, but the arduous way Loki shuffled away stuck in his mind. Thor knew just how stubborn Loki was, and in such a situation, he suspected his brother let them think that he was far less injured than he was, so finally he bid the other lads good bye, deciding that he needed to personally check on Loki to make sure he was alright.

Thor was shocked to find Loki unconscious in the neighboring corridor just hidden from the courtyard, presumably just collapsing there from his injuries. Thor hurriedly scooped Loki into his arms and rushed him to the healers, then only thinking Loki to be a fool in not calling off the fight the second that he felt that it was getting out of hand. He felt a stab of guilt on recalling how he'd rubbed it in further by scolding Loki the second he woke after the healers finished on him.

Loki had looked so happy for the split second when he found him waiting by his side in the healing room, but that look was replaced by a bitter kind of resignation the moment he gave Loki his thoughts on Loki's situation. After Jane opening his eyes to the fact that other people's point of view had to be considered in an assessment of a situation, he knew just how wrong of him that was.

Loki wasn't a fool, far from it. Thor knew now that Loki fought in a battle he knew he could not win because he wanted to be Thor's equal, and since this was the easiest way that he could change Thor and the other boys' view of him, he did it. He was too prideful to admit that his strengths lay elsewhere. It was no surprise now then that Loki refused to see or speak to him for a good week after that event, and Thor realized that it was just one more event on top of a large pile that caused his brother to be even more lost to him.

Thor let out one more sigh, knowing that now was finally the time to set those wrongs to right. He would not give up until Loki knew just how sorry he was for everything and for how much he wished to make it up to him now. It would of course be Loki's choice at that point to forgive him or not, but the least he could do was tell Loki that he now understood.

With this in mind, he lifted the horn to his lips and blew hard, creating a loud sound that seemed to echo outward into the void, and after a moment, causing a bright flash of light. From the light emerged the rams and fine chariot as promised, and they moved toward him, as he was the origin of the sound. If the situation he was about to face wasn't so serious, he might have been amused at the horn actually working, but now his mind was on seeing Loki again.

He got himself settled in the chariot and then ordered the rams to travel to Midgard. They seemed to know where to go without much direction, so he let them take him where they would, trying to keep the words he would say to Loki when he saw him again straight in his mind. He could not afford any more mistakes, because what he said now may determine if Loki would be lost to them forever once and for all. He felt the weight of this knowledge pressing down on him, but he stayed strong. He had to do this both for his and Loki's sake.

* * *

Loki immediately rode to the Bifrost gate and activated it using Odin's spear, pouring all of his energy into freezing the gate open to Jotenheim, wanting to end all of the conflict between Asgard and Jotenheim once and for all. All in Asgard, his father and his family included, would know of his greatness and would never again be able to look down on him. Whether he was a frost giant or not, he felt he was an Asgardian, even for all the poor treatment he'd received over his life.

It was all he'd known, and now that he was so close to fulfilling his plan, he would not stop. He watched as the Bifrost shot to Jotenheim, hopefully for the last time. It wasn't long before Thor made his entrance one more time, but Loki was prepared, speaking coolly, "You can't stop it. The Bifrost will build until it rips Jotenheim apart."

To underline his words, he shot Thor with Odin's spear, not with enough power to harm him, but more as a warning. Thor would be forced to see him as an equal this day, and he would do what he must to make that happen.

"Why have you done this?" Thor spoke to him both in anguish and confusion, and Loki almost wanted to scoff.

His brother could honestly be so completely oblivious about things, and Loki spit out, "To prove to Father that I am a worthy son. When he wakes I will have saved his life, I will have destroyed that race of monsters, and I will be true heir to the throne."

To Loki's surprise, though he held that in well, Thor fervently replied, "You can't kill an entire race!"

Loki couldn't help but feel slightly confused on this coming from Thor of all people, so he just laughed and spoke as he approached him, "Why not? Now what is this new found love for the frost giants? You, who would have killed them all with your bare hands."

Thor just gave him a sad look to that, "I've changed."

Loki was unused to this sort of sentiment from Thor, so he tried to provoke him out of this thoughtful mood by warningly striking Thor across the face with his spear, "So have I. Now fight me."

Loki then hit Thor with force to send him flying across the floor, and he felt his bitterness beginning to bubble up inside of him. Thor slowly got himself up and Loki stalked up to him, speaking the most truthfully he had with Thor in years, I never wanted the throne! I only ever wanted to be your equal!"

"I will not fight you brother!"

Something about those words from Thor brought up his memories of Thor always feeling as though he had to protect him because he was weak and he almost wanted to laugh at the irony of being the progeny of their most hated enemies, and this caused him to speak darkly, "I'm not your brother! I never was!"

The pain that Thor looked at him was almost enough to break him as he said, "Loki, this is madness!"

Loki felt his voice beginning to crack as all of his hate and bitterness found its way to his tongue, "Is it madness! Is it? Is it? What is it on Earth that has turned you so soft? Don't tell me it was that woman!"

Tears were running down his face uncontrollably as he voiced his greatest fear. He was fairly certain that he would never receive Thor's attention in the way he desired most, but the glare he got in return from Thor confirmed it. This woman on Earth had so easily taken what he had wanted for almost his whole life and that caused more tears to squeeze out of his eyes as he replied in a bitter and cutting tone at the realization, "Oh. It was. Well, maybe, when we're finished here, I'll pay her a visit myself!"

That finally was enough to provoke Thor into attacking, and he finally fought him on what he felt was equal ground. Loki never was looked upon by Thor as a worthy opponent, he knew that, so now if it took him becoming a villain in Thor's eyes to gain that view, so be it. The fight went on, but ended abruptly when Thor stunned him with an energy blast from Mjolnir.

Before Loki could shake it off, Thor was upon him and put the hammer right on his chest. He sucked in a breath with trouble, given how heavy the hammer was to someone 'not worthy,' and this caused his bitterness to boil even more. Maybe he wasn't worthy of any of anything after all, but this didn't stop his mouth from running, long having become his coping mechanism for his self doubt, "Look at you. The mighty Thor. With all your strength! What good does it do you now, huh? Do you hear me brother? There's nothing you can do!"

Thor seemed to think a moment before summoning back his hammer, and Loki sucked in a large breath, wondering just what Thor was up to, but he was horrified to see that he began to break the bridge that held up the Bifrost.

"What are you doing? If you destroy the bridge, you'll never see her again!" Loki screamed at Thor, feeling anger at his plan so easily being foiled and hurt that Thor would rather do this than see the woman he loved again.

Did Thor think so little of him that he would rather put his feelings for this woman on Earth aside just to make sure he was foiled? It was a disturbing question that flitted through his mind with a thousand other thoughts as he ran forward, trying to stop Thor from preventing what he had planned for so long.


	13. Chapter 13

Loki sat up like a shot in bed, feeling his heart clenching painfully, sucking in breaths that sounded suspiciously like nearly silent sobs, feeling the emotional aftermath of that memory as clearly as if he was there again. Darcy stirred next to him in bed, also slowly sitting up, but he found that she was just on the periphery of his vision now as he tried to keep himself from falling apart completely.

After he’d pulled her from the burning building, she’d insisted that he stay with her during the night, and Loki naturally wouldn’t refuse her that, liking the closeness himself. He knew, contrary to her earlier words about what happened between them after the concert just being for fun, Darcy probably wanted more. He wanted more than anything to be able to give in, but he just couldn’t, not after all the secrets he’d kept from her.

“Loki, are you alright?” Darcy asked in concern, but Loki couldn't say anything, completely speechless in face of the crushing guilt and sadness rushing through him.

When he said nothing, Darcy threw her arms around his shoulders to pull him close, whispering small comforts into his ear and promising to make him some nice tea to make him feel better. Loki just teared up at that. He didn’t deserve this kind of care from the other. He took strength from the warmth of her embrace though before he pulled back slightly and spoke in a quiet and ashamed tone, “Darcy, I must speak with you. I must tell you many things.”

She cocked her head at him slightly in curiosity, and then she nodded, replying, “You can tell me anything.”

Sucking in one more breath to keep calm, he said, “I doubt you would like to hear this, but you must know.”

She looked even more intrigued at that, and Loki didn’t keep her waiting, immediately beginning to speak about everything he remembered, starting back from the earliest memories he recalled, working his way slowly and painfully back to the present. Loki had to have been speaking for hours, not realizing any passage of time as he recounted his life to Darcy, and for much of his story, her face was colored with sympathy and tenderness, stroking his cheek lightly as he spoke.

This caused him to begin to get choked up, never feeling this cared for by anyone, save for perhaps his mother, in his life. But he kept speaking, knowing that when he got to the present, the worst parts of what he had to say, he had to stay strong. He would let her know everything exactly as it was. There was no masking here nor any kind of justification. He knew there was no rightful reason for what he had done, no matter what he’d thought before.

When he got to the parts on how he manipulated Thor into getting banished from Asgard and to fall onto Earth, how he sent the Destroyer and was in fact the cause of all the destruction in the town, and how he nearly caused the death of Thor and she, Jane, and Erik multiple times, it was the first time that any uncertainty began to show on her features, and her hand dropped from his face.

“…I am so very sorry, Darcy. I never meant for everything to get so out of hand, and…I know can’t be forgiven for what I’ve done.” Loki finished, his voice extremely hoarse from all the talking and all the emotion that passed through him with every word, tears running down his face now both in relief and in shame and bitterness. Relief at finally being able to relate his entire story to someone else, but shame and bitterness at how he actually committed such acts in the name of pride and vanity.

He did not deserve her love, nor anyone else’s for the acts that he committed. Darcy just blinked at him, appearing to be in some shock at all the information that he gave her, and he waited patiently for her to speak. She hadn’t set much of anything for all the time he was talking, and she finally put a shaky hand on his chest and spoke carefully, “I…I don’t know what to think. I just…I don’t hate you, but…I need some time.”

Loki just nodded his head, knowing that he didn’t even deserve that much from someone like her, and then he carefully got out of the bed to dress fully, speaking quietly, “I will leave now.”

Feeling his heart clench one more time as he looked at her, he whispered, “Good bye.”

And there was so much more he wanted to say to her, but he was fairly certain that this would be the last time that they’d ever speak. As it should be. He didn’t want to pollute her life by being in it.

* * *

Darcy could just stare after Loki after he made his exit, feeling her stomach turn at that absolute pain and misery she saw in his eyes just as he turned away from her. This was all too much for her to digest, and he had just told her the story of his life. She couldn’t even imagine having to live it. But could she say that she wasn’t a little upset or frightened? She wasn’t sure on that account.

She actually wasn’t sure on much of anything about him, given that this all was hidden from her and the rest of them right in front of all of their eyes. Over the time that Loki was staying with them, it was easy to say that the two of them had grown closer. Darcy briefly wondered if Jane felt that way with Thor the short time he was with them. With Loki, he was there much longer, so it would then follow that she felt even closer to him. Jane seemed to be practically over the moon about Thor, but she was still trying to figure out exactly what she felt about Loki.

From the beginning, she could admit feeling drawn to him. It was true that Thor was attractive, anyone with eyes would agree to that, but Loki…he was just as much so, but it appeared that he didn’t really seem to know it. He was so thoughtful and downright unsure about so many things he did, and Darcy found that cute for some reason. She wanted to get to know him and help him remember who he was. 

But then, she felt as though their relationship began to gain a new dimension. Something excited and unexpected. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t had a boyfriend or two in the past, but whatever started happening with Loki was different from all of that. It was like a gravitational pull that brought her to him, and it made her want to be near him even more. It was true that when they almost slept together after the concert, she assured him that it all was just a bit of fun, but to her, it was still a little special.

She knew how boys worked though, and laying it all out there suddenly was just the way to scare them off. She didn’t want to scare him off, not when he still was so interesting. It was true that Loki seemed to carry a lot of burden and had a lot to deal with, but she never had any idea it was to this extent. He bore it all well though, since she was sure she wouldn’t have been to survive with all of that guilt and ashamedness over her entire life.

He was both strong and brave, and she could even attest to that herself. Who in their right mind would jump into a burning building to save someone otherwise? It was true that most people didn’t have the power to bend the elements like he did, but still. It still meant a lot to her. And from the way they kissed after he’d pulled her out, she was certain that it meant a lot to him too.

But where did this leave them now, in wake of what he had done to where he had come from and what he almost had done to all of them here on Earth? Darcy wasn’t sure. She just could run a shaky hand through her hair, and she instantly knew that she would not be getting any sleep that night. The thing that troubled her most was that broken look on Loki’s face as he said good bye. His good bye was said with such finality, that now she had organized her thoughts enough to analyze it, it chilled her to the bone.

She pulled herself out of bed and dressed herself. No use just laying there to stare at the ceiling. This would definitely be a long night.

* * *

Loki stayed out the rest of the night, not really sure what to do with himself, but just knowing he couldn’t go back to the home of the people who so kindly took him in when he had done nothing but hurt them. Nothing justified his actions, no matter how much he wished it was so. He now had all of himself back, but he could hardly say that made him better off. The sting of his father’s rejection was now ringing through him again, and the hopelessness of his situation had returned. He truly belonged no where, and he would leave Erik, Jane, and Darcy’s lives now that he realized that he could not stay with them a moment longer.

But, he had one more thing to do first. He told Darcy the truth, but he had to tell Jane and Erik. Jane especially had to know everything. She was the one Loki had marked as his rival, and she was the one that changed him for the better. Loki never was able to get through to Thor about anything, and just a few days with her and he was a changed man. Loki couldn’t compete with that.

They all deserved a better man than him. Letting out a sad sigh, he finally made his way back to the house after wandering about the cold dessert the whole evening as the morning light began to peak over the horizon. Perhaps it was one advantage of being a frost giant. He didn’t feel the cold at all. In fact, he didn’t feel much of anything, though he was sure that was more due to his emotional state than any ability given to him through being a frost giant.

When he returned to the house, he came into the front door, finding Darcy sitting at the counter, presumably a cup of coffee sitting next to her. She appeared to have dozed off at the counter and the coffee appeared to be cold, indicating she was probably there for a while. Loki felt even more guilt at now finding that he’d given her a sleepless night over him and he carefully approached her to softly brush some hair out of her eyes with a lightly trembling hand.

He thought she was lovely and even more strongly now he felt that she deserved so much better than him. He carefully moved away from her, since she stirred at the soft touch, not wanting to disturb her more. He needed to talk to Jane and Erik right away. He felt an anxious and guilty pit in his stomach as he approached their lab in the building, not enjoying the knowledge that what he had to say would upset them too. He took a deep breath and gathered his courage, walking into the door.

The two of them were gathered by their computer screens, tracking their data as usual. Loki gulped and approached the two of them, clearing his throat to get their attention.

Jane gave him a kind smile that made Loki’s heart clench, and she said, “Hey, Loki. What’s going on?”

Erik was in his own little world, trying to interpret the data coming in on their various machines, but Loki looked at both of them and spoke seriously, “I must speak with you both.”

Both of them looked at him curiously and he shakily continued, “There is something that you both must know.”

They looked at him in concern as he began to talk, but that didn’t last long. Quickly their looks turned to shock, and then outright anger as he related his whole plan to take over Asgard to them. 

When he finished talking, he could barely meet their eyes for the shame he felt over committing all the horrible acts, but it wasn’t as though they could be undone now. But on finally looking up, he found both Jane and Erik fixing him with intense glares, especially Jane. He of course expected that, given how he knew both she and Thor felt for each other. The fact of him expecting it though did not prepare him for yet another stab of guilt going through him.

“How dare you come here, stay with us, making nice, when it was you that nearly destroyed everything in this town, destroyed all my work, and nearly killed Thor and all of us!?” Jane seemed just as flabbergasted as she was outraged, and it seemed that Erik agreed with the way he was nodding along.

Loki let out a small and regretful sigh, “I do not intend on continuing to trespass on your kindness. I just wanted you to know the truth.”

Jane looked on the verge of slapping him, shaking a little in her anger, “You just need to leave.”

Erik was still glaring at him, and Loki nodded replying, “I will stay no further.”

He wished there was a way to express how he wished things didn’t have to be this way, but he was well aware that he would just sound insincere. He then moved out of the building without a further word, and walked out of the door. He had nowhere to go, but now he had no reason to care. He just wanted to stop hurting the people close to him, but it seemed to be an ingrained character flaw with him.

Just wanting to remove himself, he closed his eyes and concentrated. The next moment, he was gone.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

In took Thor some time to exercise complete control over the rams, but when he succeeded at it, he tried to get them to move as quickly as possible.  He’d already waited long enough for this.  In what was probably quick time, since all time to Thor seemed to pass infinitely slow with a time sensitive goal on his mind, Midgard finally came into view.  Once he was close enough to touch down on the planet, he directed himself to the last place he’d seen Jane, now not only feeling anxiousness and anticipation for seeing Loki gain, but now it all doubled at the thought of seeing his Jane again.

He had been so focused on finding Loki that he had not spared himself a moment to really think on her since he left Midgard the first time.  He really had missed her, and now, just underneath his worry for Loki, he felt excitement at the prospect of seeing her again.  It was true that the two of them had spent very little time together, and not in the best of situations, but she managed to change him in a way that no one else could.  He opened his heart to people in ways that he never thought necessary before, since he was far too focused on himself to realize that the people in his life could never be taken for granted.  He hoped she knew just how special she was to him, and that he thought the world of her.

This excitement grew as he brought the rams down to the ground and approached the door of the dwelling.  He could see that many upgrades seemed to have been done to the place since he last visited, and he attributed these changes to success in Erik and Jane’s research.  Not only was he fond of Jane, he thought the both of them to be absolutely brilliant, given their limited view of the universe.  He did not fault them for this, since they had no way of knowing what lay beyond their own realm before.  He hoped now that his visit had been able to change their way of looking at things.

On approaching the door, he knocked and he couldn’t help but hold his breath.  Within seconds, it was his Jane opening the door and absolute surprise colored her face.  Thor gave her a dazzling smile, and finally she snapped back to herself and made a little squeal in excitement and cried out his name as she jumped and threw her arms around his neck.  Thor could just laugh in joy as he wrapped her tight in his arms.

“I knew you had to be coming!  The readings…I told you I would be watching the skies for you!”  There were happy tears in her eyes as they finally broke their hug, but Thor was definitely wont to let her go.  
   
He was still smiling as he replied, “And it is wonderful to see you again, Jane.”  
   
She was beaming at him as she took one of his hands and led him inside, yelling, “Erik, get out here!  Its just like we thought!  Thor’s back!”

Jane didn’t let go of his hand as Erik came out to meet them, also giving Thor a bright smile as he held out a hand to shake and said, “How are you, my boy?”

Thor took his hand happily and gave it a vigorous shake and said, “Erik.  It is good to see you as well.”

Erik shook his hand a little after that shake, but he was still smiling, “I’m glad to have you back, we both are of course.  I just hope this time we’d have time to talk over all the different realms you know about this time around…you know, now that I actually believe you’re a god and that our world isn’t crashing down upon us.”

He said it as a joke, but Thor could even tell that the attack by the Destroyer sent by Loki still had Erik shaken.  On glancing at Jane, he could see the same went for her.  This caused a tiny crease of worry as he realized that perhaps Loki did not tell them the full truth since he was staying with them.  He didn’t like the fact of his friends being lied to, but he would not have them hate Loki either.  Thor needed to see him as soon as he could.

He let a half smile come to his face and replied, “It is no problem.  I will speak to you at the next soonest convenience.”

He glanced at Jane again to give her a small smile, and Erik seemed to redden slightly as he added, “Ahh, I should go to compile that data before we talk.  So, uhh, Jane, don’t worry, I’ll be fine on my own.”

Erik made a quick exit, but before Jane could even say another word to Thor, he heard someone coming down the stairs behind them.  He turned and found that it was Darcy.  Surprise was written all over her face as she made the remaining way down.

Thor’s smile got bigger on seeing her, knowing they had a bit of a rough start, but he felt that she might have made a formidable warrior if she had been raised in Asgard.  He found he genuinely liked her, and that was obvious from the fondness in his voice as he greeted her, “Hello, Darcy.  I trust you will not use your taser device on me this time.”

She smiled in response to his joke, but he could obviously tell that she was troubled since there were worry lines all about her face, and it seemed as though she had not slept well the night before.  

“Not until I start feeling threatened, no.” she responded playfully, but her voice was far too flat, making Thor a little concerned.

“Is something the matter?” he asked, cocking his head at her, but when no answer was forthcoming, he looked to Jane for some kind of explanation.

Jane said nothing either and her face seemed to flush with anger.  Thor looked back to Darcy, and now joining the sadness was a hard look at Jane.  Obviously this was a complex conflict that led to a disagreement between the two women.  Usually when two women fought, it was best to steer clear, since Thor found that it never was to one’s benefit to interfere in such a conflict.  No man was ever known to survive such an encounter, and he had no interest in figuring out if he would be the first.  
   
Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he said, ”I wished to ask you both something.”  
   
Before he could say anything else, Darcy's hard look at Jane turned to a full on glare and she spoke as though she was reading his mind, ”If you're looking for Loki, he's not here.”  
   
The surprise on Thor's face was clear as he replied, ”But he must be, Heimdall, our watcher and gate keeper told me he was.”  
   
Jane let out a sigh, but anger was still obvious on her face as she replied, ”He was here, he just left.”  
   
Thor now wasn't sure what was going on, trying to put all of the pieces together, ”Where did he go?”  
   
Darcy spoke again with some indignation, ”He was here, but now he's gone to who knows where.”  
   
Her worry showed more obviously on her face, but before he could respond, Jane bit back at Darcy, ”I couldn't allow him to stay, not after what he almost did to us, to Thor!  You know damn well that he wouldn't have cared if we died when he sent that Destroyer thing!  He nearly killed Thor!”  
   
”You haven't seen how sorry he was when he told me everything himself!  He was so guilty...I can't hate him after seeing him like that.” Darcy's face showed a mix of emotions then, but Thor couldn't discern them all.

Jane just shook her head in disbelief and replied, “He is the god of mischief and all.  How would you be able to tell if he wasn’t just telling you those things to get himself your favor after the horrible things he’s done?”

Thor finally frowned at that and added, “I understand that Loki has done some things that have affected all of us negatively, but I do not believe in this case was to deceive.”

Jane’s expression turned a little unsure at his words, and she looked away from Darcy back to him and said, “I can’t just pretend that he didn’t almost kill all of us in his whole bid for power.  So I asked him to leave.”

Darcy then not only looked angry, but worried and pained as she softly replied, “You didn’t see his face when he left my room, Jane.  I don’t think anyone could make up a face that looked so…broken.”

Darcy’s worry made her voice crack, and to hear this worried Thor greatly.  He could not lose Loki again, not when he was so close.  Thor carefully looked to Jane, realizing that the knowledge of Loki’s actions had upset her, but he knew he could not find his brother without her help, so he said, “Jane…I must find him.  You must help me.”

Jane’s mouth dropped open in shock, most likely at the fact that he was asking her to help him find someone she’d just asked to leave in anger.  Thor understood that, he really did, but he couldn’t waste time now.  Jane was his best shot, his only shot.  After she got her mind together, she looked at him critically and said, “You want to find him even after everything he has done to all of us?  After all of his scheming, plotting, and planning?  After how he likely would have killed you if he had the chance and then destroyed us all?”

Thor shook his head slowly and said fervently, “It is true that Loki has done things that are terrible, but I feel as though he never meant for events to unfold as they have.  No on locating him here on Midgard, I feel it is vital for me to find him and speak to him.  I do not wish to lose him again.”

“Once again, as I’ve tried to explain to the both of you,” Jane paused to give an impatient look at Darcy again, “He is the god of mischief, and in a way, deceit.  I don’t put it past him to tell either of you anything he had to in order to get you both on his side.”

Thor’s expression was sad but resolute, “He is my brother.”

Jane let out a small noise of disgust when he saw Darcy giving her yet another stubborn glare, and Thor’s look of plea, and she replied, “Fine.  I’ll see what Erik and I can do to track him.  You’re lucky Shield is now funding us, since we have equipment good enough to scan the globe for various power signatures.”

Thor let out a sigh of relief and gave Jane a grateful smile, saying, “Thank you, Jane.  This means very much to me.”

Thor reached out to lightly touch Jane’s cheek, loving the way her irritation with the situation melted into a soft smile at the touch, and he then always wished to bring her happiness because his Jane deserved no less for how good she was.  Thor was content to keep looking into her beautiful eyes, but Darcy finally cleared her throat, causing a look of sweet embarrassment to come to Jane’s face, and a look of amusement to come to his own as the two of them stepped away from each other.

Jane then took a deep breath and said, “Alright, we have to get to work right away on scanning for his power signatures, since he very well could leave Earth if we don’t work quickly.”

Thor was disconcerted to hear the tiniest bit of hope in Jane’s voice, but he knew she would try her best to find Loki.  He knew she could see how important this was to him.  When Jane moved back to her lab to get started, Darcy then approached Thor and spoke with just as much urgency as he felt, “Please, bring him back.”

She didn’t say anything else, but her eyes said it all.  Thor wasn’t usually very good at reading emotions, but this was as clear as day to him.  Darcy seemed to care for his brother deeply, and this made his own urgency grow.  He would bring him back.  Just as much as he wanted to show Loki that he cared for him himself, Loki now had someone else concerned for him.  He knew his brother deserved this, as much as Loki felt he didn’t.

Thor nodded and said, “I will bring him back.”

She nodded and then moved away, going up the stairs again, presumably to wait, and he decided to join Jane in the lab.  It was true that he would be of little help to Jane and Erik, but he wanted to just feel a part of the search, sure that he would drive himself crazy if he was doing nothing.  There was also the fact that he could act immediately when the information about Loki came in.  He was already beginning to feel impatient and jumpy with all of his worry building, knowing that he never was very good with waiting in the past.  He knew that had to change, given the trouble that his impulsiveness had gotten him into in the past.

But, the one saving grace was that fateful impulsive action had caused him to meet Jane, and for that he could be nothing but thankful, even with everything he went through on falling onto Midgard.  He was certain that he would never be able to repay her for all that she had done, and all she continued to do, but he would definitely try. 

* * *

Loki’s legs dangled over the tall and steep cliff he found himself at the top of when he teleported away from Darcy, Jane and Erik, knowing that it wasn’t a moment too soon.  He came to this remote place since he read about it on the internet.  It seemed suitable for him, somewhere he could be away from all people to keep himself from hurting them.  All he seemed able to do was hurt others, that was something now painfully obvious to him.

The looks on Darcy, Jane, and Erik’s faces haunted him most now, though the look on Thor’s face as he found out about his lies was a close second.  He put his head in his hands, not knowing what he could do now that he’d found that he truly was suited only to a lonely and solitary existence.  He then thought of Darcy, still telling him that she didn’t hate him, even after he was certain he saw doubt and fear in her eyes in response to the later half of his life story.  That was the main deciding factor in his leaving.  He could not deceive her a further moment.

Not someone that had tried so hard to bring him back to himself, to find a group of people to fit in with, to show her support through all the difficulties of remembering many of the horrible incidences in his past, and someone who appreciated him just for being himself.  He didn’t have to prove anything to her; all he had to be was what he wanted.  The brief feeling had been so liberating, and the moment he pulled her out of the burning building with no care for his own safety and focusing solely on her own, he knew that she meant something to him.

Whatever feelings that he had for Thor were still there, but Darcy…she found a way to bewitch him far more thoroughly than any spell he’d used in his life, and this realization is what hurt him the most.  Loki knew that he did not deserve her, and he would not allow himself to be in her life knowing that, no matter how much he wanted to.  It was a sad irony of his life, that he would always want all the things that he could not have.

He would never have them.  He looked down the cliff, viewing the waterfall the cliff protruded over, and the river that went down the valley that lay in front of him.  The trees were a deep shade of green and the sun was such a bright orange red as the sun began to set.  He then continued to stare at the water far down below him, feeling tempted to just jump, but he even knew how futile that would be.  He didn’t even die falling into a void of space and time.  How would a small fall down a cliff, in comparison, even hurt him?  Loki let out one more sigh, finally resigning himself to a life of emptiness, knowing that he had no other options ahead of him.

He conjured a small mirror from the misting water right below him, and he charmed it to let him look at Darcy one more time before he tried to forget everything and everyone.  He would throw it all away, since there was nothing about himself that was worth keeping.  He gave himself just one last look at her to give him some balm to the horrible pain of knowing that he was not good enough for anyone. 

Her image was sad and he let out a painful sigh knowing that it was him that put that expression on her lovely face.  How could he have allowed her to fall for him?  How could he have let himself do the same for her knowing what he was?  His heart clenched with enough force to make him suck in a quick breath that sounded somewhat like a sob.  He would let her forget, as he would try to do the same.  He knew that would never be, even after she was long gone, given the fact of human years being so short in comparison to theirs.

He would keep her memory in his miserable heart, a private reminder that no matter what he became next, he would have to work to become a man half worthy of the attention and affection she so easily bestowed on him for no other reason than the pure draw she felt to him.  He would take her memory and let it give him the strength to leave everything once and for all.

As he sat there, just gazing at Darcy for an untold amount of time, he was paying little attention to his surroundings.  But when there was a step near him and right behind him, Loki didn’t even turn, knowing immediately who it was.  He was shocked, yes, that Thor had found a way here, even with the Bifrost destroyed, but his sadness, guilt, and plain bitterness was enough to dampen the surprise, making him speak flatly as he let the water turn back to liquid and fall over the cliffside, “Have you come to finish the job, Thor?”

“No.  I have come to bring you home, brother.”

Thor’s voice was so soft that Loki had to turn and face him.  How could Thor speak to him in such a gentle tone after all that he had done?  He got up from where he was sitting, the emotions brewing inside of him, suddenly becoming a torrent as he tried to make sense of this situation.  His eyes showed his confusion and pain as clear as day.

“And where will you take me?  Straight to the dungeons of Asgard?” Loki said, his expression turning a bit resigned then.

He really didn’t deserve anything else.  What surprised Loki then is the fervent way Thor shook his head and said, “No, never!  I would never allow that to happen.”

“Because you’d rather deal with me yourself?” Loki couldn’t accept Thor’s kindness, especially when all he felt he deserved was the other’s contempt and distrust.

He had after all manipulated the other into getting himself banished and being stripped of his powers, nearly killed him twice, and had snatched Thor’s claim on the throne through his deceit toward Thor himself and his mother and father.  His list of offences against those he’d once called friend were nearly too numerous to be counted. 

Thor’s brow then furrowed in frustration as he said, “No, I don’t want to fight you!  I never wanted to fight you.”

Thor ran a hand through his hair, obviously just as conflicted by this situation as he felt, but Loki didn’t allow his curiousness at that to show on his face, just as a force of habit.  At this point, there really was no reason to hide anything.  He had done enough wrong with secrets, and he wanted to stop, but something about Thor just brought this side of him out.  He figured it had to do with protecting himself from the other’s disapproval and ridicule.

Thor finally continued speaking, his tone switching from frustration to an entreating one, “Please, Loki, listen to me.  Mother, Father, and I all want you home.  You are part of our family, no matter your origin, and no matter what happens or what you do, you are still one of us.”

Loki’s eyes teared up instantly and he shook his head and hissed out, “As hard as I’ve striven to be ‘one of you,’ nothing has ever come of it.  That will never change.”

Loki didn’t say it out loud, but his tone and his face made it quite obvious, that he felt this was because he wasn’t good enough.  Thor looked more deeply into his eyes then than he’d ever in his life, and he slowly approached him.  Loki couldn’t see a shred of hate, bitterness, or distrust there, and for the life of him, he couldn’t fathom why not.  His eyes widened as Thor wrapped his arms around him and squeezed so tightly he almost had his breath pressed out of him, and Thor softly said, “I know I made many mistakes when we were young.  I mean to make it up to you now.”

Loki could only let out a shaky breath as Thor held him close, the warmth he felt at the action rushing through him, and he whispered, “Would you want me back, even knowing that I tried to take everything that you held dear?”

Loki could feel Thor’s breath against his neck, shivering as he replied in the same tone, “I would.  I would because you were entitled to all of those things just the same as I was, and you were never given what was rightly yours.”

Loki felt his stomach twist and his heart clench at Thor’s gentle words.  It was the first time he’d heard any of this kind of sentiment from his brother, and he felt more tears coming to his eyes.  This time, they were tears of relief and disbelief, that his brother so easily forgave him, even after all he had put him through.  He knew Thor was a relatively simple man, but he wondered if he was being a fool with his kindness.

He finally let his head come down to carefully rest on Thor’s shoulder, finally allowing the other to support him and he let out a long breath.  Maybe he wasn’t quite ready to face his parents or the people of Asgard, but he would accept this.  He wanted this for who knows how long, and with Thor accepting him now with open arms, he couldn’t refuse.  Loki slowly and hesitantly reached his arms around Thor as well, and he felt the other reach a hand up to stroke in his hair.

Loki let out a small sigh at that, and let his head rest in the juncture between Thor’s neck and shoulder.  In a time he felt so vulnerable and useless, this warmth and comfort was just what he needed.  Loki wasn’t sure what to say, so he just stayed silent.  This moment seemed perfect without words, so he kept it that way.  It appeared that Thor was content with this silence as well, since he did not speak either.

For a long time they stayed that way, Thor’s hands being uncharacteristically gentle in their small strokes, his arms squeezing tightly around him, and Loki held on just as tightly, wanting to hold on since times such as these were so rare in his life up to this point.  He would not give it up easily now. 

Finally, Thor pulled back with reluctance, giving Loki a small and encouraging smile, and he said, “So will you come home with me?”

Loki could only give Thor a small nod, the nervousness and anxiousness at the daunting prospect of seeing Odin and Frigga again rising in him, and replied, “Yes, I suppose I will.”

Then Thor grinned and pulled Loki into one more quick hug, pulling back and adding, “We will leave shortly.  First we must return to Jane and Darcy.  Darcy is worried greatly about you, and so I thought it best for you to return to her and ease her out of this worry.”

Loki felt a stab of guilt at hearing that, quickly nodding again with more fervor, “Yes, that would be best.”

Thor’s grin faded when he saw the guilt on Loki’s face at worrying Darcy, so he reached out to put a hand on his shoulder and say, “She awaits you, so we will not keep her waiting.”

Thor then quickly began to lead Loki to his chariot.  Loki looked at it in shock when Thor explained just how he had obtained this device, also thinking back to the times he’d helped Thor and Fandral play practical jokes on people with the very same horn.  Those memories brought just the smallest twitches to the edges of his lips as he boarded the chariot with Thor.  Thor wasted no time in getting them into the air and back to those that were waiting for them.

As the air rushed through his hair, he felt a kind of freedom he’d never known.  He was finally free to be anything he wanted with no one looking down on him for simply being.  The situation was far from perfect, but he could see that perhaps he was worth something to at least some of the people in his life.  He thought that he had nothing and no one to live for.  Now he knew the truth.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

Darcy had paced around in her room for a whole day, extremely worried about Loki’s safety when Thor left to find him, hoping dearly that he would be alright. When the next morning had come, and she had not slept a single wink, she knew she had to just get out of this house and do something before she drove herself crazy.

She kept telling herself that Thor would bring him back here before they left the Earth, but what if Loki didn’t want to come back? What if Thor just got so excited on finding him and whisked him straight away? And the worst thoughts kept edging her consciousness: What if Loki had found a way to really remove himself from all of their lives and they never saw him again?

Those never ending streams of horrible questions made her leave the house and jump into her car and drive to her school, hoping that drowning herself in reading and work for her college classes would take her mind off of all of this. It wasn’t likely, but she knew that she had to try, otherwise it literally would eat her alive.

This was how she spent her day, holed up in her school’s library, trying to bury herself in books and working on the computer, but her mind always went back to the horrible thoughts. Finally, when she saw that the light was beginning to wane outside, she gave up. She knew that all she would be thinking about was Loki. She let out a defeated sigh and slammed closed the book she was looking at, packing up all of her things to go to her car.

She kept a loose hold on her bag as she trudged her way to the parking lot, her mind refusing to give her any reprieve from her worries. Her car came into view, but something else just made her stop in her tracks. The object of all of her worries and fears was leaning on the passenger door, dressed in a fine outfit similar to the one he was in the first day she saw him and when he met eyes with her, he gave her a small smile.

“Hello, Darcy.”

Her eyes widened. She had to be dreaming, but she didn’t stop herself from dropping her bag to the floor and running forward, throwing herself at him as she wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing into his ear, “Loki!”

He nuzzled his face into her neck, and she could feel that he was smiling as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. She couldn’t help but laugh with pure joy at the relief that he was alright, and he whispered to her, “I am sorry I left you the way I did.”

“I don’t care…you’re back, and that’s all that matters.” Darcy said, gripping to him just a little bit tighter.

Loki just hummed softly in response and reached a hand up to stroke her hair, leaning his head down to place a soft kiss on her neck. Feeling that far too soft brush ignited something in her and she reached up her hands to bury them in his hair and bring him down for a far more satisfying kiss on the lips. 

She felt Loki shiver lightly and he kissed her back with just as much fervor, gasping just lightly when the both of them broke the kiss to breathe. A smile was just touching his lips as he spoke breathlessly, “Darcy…please allow me to take you somewhere.”

She didn’t even think about it, knowing she wanted to be with him, so she nodded and said, “Anywhere.”

Loki just smiled as she picked up her book bag to lock it in her car, then approaching him again, and asking, “So, uhh…how are we going to…?”

She glanced at her car, and Loki’s smile turned a little mischievous as he replied, “I had an alternative form of travel in mind.”

He moved close to her to pull her into his arms again and he closed his eyes, seeming to concentrate. Darcy gave a small start as she felt her whole body begin to tingle, instinctively grabbing tighter to him around his waist, and the next thing she knew, the two of them were someplace completely different. She gasped when she looked around, seeing that they were standing on a cliff over a waterfall that offered a beautiful view of a forest. 

She saw that wherever they were, it was night, everything looking just a little ethereal in the bright moonlight. Darcy finally met eyes with Loki again, and found him giving her a tender look that brought tears to her eyes with how deeply it touched her. He seemed something straight out of a fairy tale or a myth looking the way he did in a place like this, and she smiled lightly and reached out to touch his chest, almost certain she was dreaming now.

He reached out to pull her into his arms again, and she went quite willingly, unable to have enough of him close to her, realizing that someone like him could never be taken for granted. As he just held her, seeming to be just as content with her closeness, she softly said, “Gosh, I just feel so out of place here with you.”

He pulled back slightly to look at her with curiousness, “How do you mean?”

She just chuckled and said, “I mean, look at you. You’re dressed like this and we’re in a place straight out of a picture book, and me…well, you can see exactly what doesn’t belong.”

This caused Loki to smirk at her, raise a hand to rest at the top of her head, and when she looked down, she saw she was in a blue gown that matched Loki’s in all its finery. Her mouth dropped open in shock and she stepped away from him to investigate the dress, unable to help doing a little twirl as she did, the fabric softly swishing about her as she turned. Darcy grinned at him and said in humor, “Well. I could get used to this.”

Loki grinned in return, and he finally brought her in for another kiss. Darcy felt herself melting in his arms and kissed him back passionately, sure that no one she’d ever known making her feel the way Loki did. She supposed it made sense with Loki being a god and all. If anyone had told her a few years ago she’d find herself involved with a Norse demigod, she’d have laughed them off as crazy.

But now, she could see that just about anything in this world was possible. Her thoughts were broken as his hands began to softly move down her back, and the movement made her shiver. Darcy took a soft grip in his hair as their kisses deepened, and she pressed her body even tighter against him, feeling little shocks of sensation everywhere his hands moved on her. She eventually began to kiss him down his neck, delighting in feeling him shudder, knowing that he wanted her just as much.

The first time they’d done this, he’d seem to hesitate when they were together. She couldn’t sense any of that hesitation now, and that made her happy. She hoped that this meant something to him the same that it meant something big to her. She was fairly sure that it did with the gentle looks he gave her whenever they met eyes. Darcy now was also sure she never felt quite so treasured as she shared an intimate moment with someone in the past.

She let her hands now move over his body in the same way, not wanting him to be the only one having any fun here. Their kisses and touches continued for many minutes, until the both of them were breathing deeply and Darcy was trembling with her arousal, just wanting more. She was sure she would never be able to get enough of him, but now she could only think of how much she wanted him.

“Loki, please…” she panted softly in his ear as he nibbled softly and teasingly at one of her collarbones, “I need you.”

He gave her a few more feather light kisses up her neck and he murmured against her skin, his hot breath making her shudder softly, “As I need you.”

Before Darcy could even utter the question of how they were going to do this, he stepped back from her and unclasped his cape, laying it across the ground. He then pulled her back into his arms and kissed her again before she really could feel any absence, slowly bringing the two of them to the ground to lay back on the cape. Darcy was about to ask just how the cape felt just as soft as any cushy bed over the hard ground, but she quickly remembered that magic was most likely Loki’s specialty.

She’d seen enough of his talents in that area to be thoroughly convinced. As she lay back and got comfortable, she looked up at him with a soft smile, to which he returned his own as he ran one of his hands slowly down her side, while he gently cupped her face with the other. Darcy reached up to begin undoing the clasps on his outfit, just wanting to get her hands on that skin. She remembered what it was like to touch his skin the first time, but her mind was then clouded with intoxication. Now, there was nothing but clarity as he helped her divest him of his armor, and she her gown. The air was pleasantly cool on her skin, and she then realized that she’d never made love outside, deciding that she was so glad to share such a first with Loki.

“You are so lovely.” Loki breathed in the most honest tone she’d ever heard in her life, and that made her cheeks color as she grinned.

If anyone else said that to her, she would have thought they were flattering her. When Loki said it to her now, she knew that he meant it absolutely. She replied softly, “And you…you’re unlike anyone I’ve ever known.”

His smile turned a little playful at that, “I would hope so.”

Loki leaned down to press soft kisses down her chest and she reached up to cradle his face in her hands. He kept the soft kisses going as he began to run a hand up one of her legs, causing her to shudder obviously when he met his mark. Darcy knew just how aroused she was, and he confirmed it by rubbing her tenderly and murmuring, “You are so eager.”

Before she could say anything in response, he brought his lips up to lock her in another passionate kiss. Darcy could tell that Loki was no less eager with the way she felt him pressing against her thigh, and she begged softly, “Please, I want you, now.”

Loki then pulled back to give her a deep look, and Darcy’s breath was taken with the way the moonlight reflected in his green eyes. He moved both of his hands to her stomach and closed his eyes, seeming to concentrate again for a moment, and she again felt a tingle course through her as a result. He slowly moved his hands down to rest on her hips, and she asked, “What did you do?”

His lips then twitched in a wry smile and he said, “I just ensured that no children would result from this union. I believe such a responsibility would be premature.”

Darcy’s face reddened and she responded with a sheepish look, “Oh, yeah. Good thinking.”

Darcy could feel him still smiling as he leaned in for another kiss, repositioning himself to be between her legs, and she easily made room for him, not wanting to wait much longer. As he kissed her, she reached out shyly to touch him, letting her hand glide extremely lightly over the surface, shivering lightly when she heard him gasp and felt him twitch in her hand.

His hips thrust lightly forward as she kept going, addicted to the little pained expressions she saw cross his face as she touched him, and the small, but completely arousing noises he made. He finally fixed her with a look that found a way to simultaneously be so hot with desire at the same time as being filled with the deepest affection, and he whispered huskily, “My beautiful little minx.”

Those words made her shudder and she let her hands go to his hips as well, pulling lightly forward to indicate that she was more than ready for him. Loki didn’t keep her waiting, moving forward carefully to keep from hurting her. Darcy could feel the care he was taking with just how tensed his thighs were as he pushed in. Darcy shuddered as she took the whole length of him, deciding then that there was no better feeling in the world, and she whispered hotly, “Yes, I’m ready.”

He pulled her body against his as he started moving slowly in her, deliberately keeping all of his movements patient and shallow, appearing to not want to rush this. Darcy was more than okay with that, no one in her life ever wanting to just take this time with her to appreciate her and to allow her to appreciate them. She was so happy that this was another first she got to share with him.

He kept moving at the slow pace until Darcy felt like she was being driven mad by her desire, and she gripped tightly in his hair to tug him down into another deep and hot kiss, just wanting to show him how much she wanted him, and it caused his hips to stutter slightly. She felt a small kind of joy knowing that she could get to him like this, and a small smirk twitched on her lips as she whispered, “Come on…I want more.”

He smirked right back at her and replied, “As you wish.”

Loki rewarded her with a strong thrust she could feel straight to her core, and she moaned loudly and unashamedly at that, not remembering a past time that she thought sex felt so good. She could tell he was still trying to keep his movements measured, but she nudged him along by moving one of her hands from his hair to his hip to keep a strong hold, ensuring that he’d keep up the deep strokes.

Loki appeared to have caught on to her intentions, giving her the most attractively devious smirk imaginable as he then let himself move with abandon, just now wanting to bring them both to completion. Darcy gasped loudly at the sudden change of pace, but she appreciated it, not wanting to draw this out any more. Her pleasure built until she couldn’t take it any more, and she came with a soft moan of his name, gripping tightly to him as she rode out her orgasm.

He was only able to give her a few more thrusts until he was coming himself, shuddering on top of her, and Darcy loved the absolute look of ecstasy on his face, pulling his face down to kiss him deeply one more time. She held him close for a long time, content with his closeness, not wanting much to let go.

Loki gave Darcy a small smile, reaching out to tenderly stroke her cheek. She sighed back softly, just feeling so happy and fortunate to have experienced this with him. He finally pulled back and closed his eyes for a moment, and both of them were clothed once again. Darcy was trying to get used to this, feeling like this would now be a regular occurrence around him, but she was only human. Her eyes still widened, and to this, Loki chuckled good naturedly, moving forward to give her a kiss on the forehead.

“You’re so amazing.” Darcy whispered in some awe as she ran a hand into his soft hair, smiling back at him, feeling more happy than she’d felt in a while.

Loki sighed at her touch and he replied, “It is you that is amazing, Darcy. For you to have forgiven me after all I have done…I…I count myself incredibly lucky to have won your affection.”

Darcy’s expression then turned serious and she shook her head, “I know who you are. You didn’t mean for any of that to happen that way.”

She stroked his cheek affectionately, so wanting that look of sorrow and regret on Loki’s face to go away. It was true that she was shocked to hear the truth about his past and about the things he had done, and while she didn’t condone much of what he did, she could find it in her heart to understand and to put the past behind them, especially since Thor seemed as ready to forgive as she was.

Jane, obviously, was another story, but Darcy decided to think about her later. She didn’t want to think about her now and ruin this moment with Loki. She looked back into his eyes and leaned in to kiss him like it was a promise. She knew that she would always support him no matter what happened between them. 

Loki finally sighed and murmured, “Thank you.”

He then pulled her back into his arms and held her close for a long time. Darcy wasn’t sure how much time passed, but she was sure that a long time had. She didn’t mind, just nuzzling against him and sighing contentedly. Finally she whispered back to him, “We can go back to my place now if you like.”

Loki looked at her in some confusion, “I thought you resided with Jane and Erik.”

She smiled slightly and said, “I do sometimes, when I’m helping out in the research. I’m their intern through the school after all. I may not do much, since none of it is my field, but I try. But, yeah, I don’t actually live there. I do have my own place near my school. Glad I’m not there too often though. Both of my roommates get on my nerves.”

Loki’s lips turned upward in amusement and he replied, “Now that is something I can understand.”

He then stood up and helped her off the cape, then picking it up, giving it a little dust before he put it back on. Darcy just wondered how he could manage to always look so perfect no matter what he was wearing. She decided it had to do with the magic. 

“Shall we go?” Loki asked and she nodded.

Suddenly then, her stomach grumbled loudly and Darcy blushed. She then remembered how not only she didn't get a wink of sleep while Loki was gone, but she also didn't eat a bite, her appetite leaving with her worry. She chuckled sheepishly when Loki raised an eyebrow at her and she replied, "Maybe we should get some food first. I know just where to take us, if you can get us back to my car."

He must have realized that they would be around other people again, so he closed his eyes and the two of them were in normal clothes once more, and he said, "Ready?"

"Yeah." agreeing with a smile, Darcy moved closer to him, now slowly getting used to this drill.

In a second, they were gone.

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

Darcy decided to take Loki to a small place called Monroes. It was a family friendly kind of place, and though it was far from glamorous or trendy, it was just a nice place that she liked to go to after school or work after a hard day. The food was just the right amount of comforting and filling, and it was something she wanted to share with Loki.

When the two of them arrived, she got them a table for two and, as it was most time she came to this place, they were seated immediately. She hated waiting to eat, especially now that she’d worked up quite an appetite. When they sat down in the small booth they were taken to, she smiled at him and said, “Yeah, I know this place isn’t all that fancy or anything, but I like it.”

Loki gave the place a quick glance, but he looked right into her eyes with a small amused smirk just touching the edge of his lips, “I like it too.”

Darcy couldn’t help but feel a little warmed to see that smile, sure that in the time that he had been staying with them, he’d never smiled all that much. She hoped that it would be different from this time on. But that got her thinking on the future.

She knew that Thor had come to take Loki back to Asgard, and that they would leave very soon. Would he leave her here for good? The sudden thought troubled her, and it even showed on her face. Loki appeared to have noticed, slight worry furrowing his brow as he asked, “Is there something wrong?”

Darcy took a breath and reached out to take his hand, giving him a small, but slightly anxious smile, “I just wanted to ask…where do you see this going?”

She used her other hand to motion between them, and then added, “I know its been a bit crazy with you getting back your memories, and I was so glad to be able to help you through it. But...do you see this as...something long term?”

Loki was silent for a long and nerve wracking moment before he said, “I do not want to be separated from you, but I cannot pretend that the events following my return to Asgard are not uncertain.”

She knew Loki was just being honest with her, but she still couldn't help feel a little hurt at possibly never seeing him again. He gave her hand a squeeze and added softly, “Leaving you is not a choice I would easily make.”

Darcy just let out a small sigh, squeezing his hand back and saying, “I know.”

After a pause, she added partly in humor to break the tension, “Well, I know you’ll be back by my summer break, especially since then we can have you pop us to the Caribbean to lounge out on the beaches there.”

Loki’s lips twitched upward in response to her statement and she smiled. She decided to put thoughts of the future out of her mind, knowing there really was nothing they could do about the uncertainty now, so it was best to enjoy the time they did have. After a long moment, Darcy said, “The potatoes and gravy here is the best. So bad for you, but tastes so good.”

To that, Loki only smirked and said, “Most things that have a pleasing taste are. Perhaps I shall try that dish, since you give it such high recommendations.”

Darcy grinned back, and from there the conversation turned light. Let them deal with tomorrow when that came. Tonight, it would just be them.

After some time, their food had been ordered, and they talked over dinner as they ate about their interests and where they grew up. It was true that Loki had far more to talk about in that area than Darcy did, having just grown up in a rural town just south of where they currently were, the most exciting thing being the supermart they happened to have in their town.

She loved listening to everything he had to say, and whenever he asked to hear more about her, she was almost disappointed, wanting him to just go on and on about the fantastical world called Asgard. It wasn’t just a myth anymore, she knew it now, so it just blew her mind about how majestic the realm he came from must have been.

“I want to visit there one day.” She said, awe obvious in her tone, and this brought another amused but tender smile to Loki’s lips.

His look turned even more tender as he spoke meaningfully, “Perhaps you shall.”

She blushed slightly at the affectionate look he gave her, wondering at how a single look from him could get her like this. No one else had this effect on her in her life, and she was sure even more now that this was something special. That Loki was definitely someone special. 

Finally, the two of them finished eating, and as Darcy paid the check, she said, “Now we can head to my place, but I should prepare you for my roommates?”

When Loki raised an eyebrow at her, she responded, “I’m not joking. Both of them just have a way of getting under your skin if you let them.”

His eyebrow went up even higher, “Is that right?”

Darcy nodded and decided to try to give him the abridged version of why he should beware both of them, “Chloe is nice enough, but she is really super nosy. If she decides there’s something she wants to know about you, she won’t stop until she gets that information about you, no matter what it took.”

She began to lead the two of them back to the car as she kept talking, “She’s way too interested in your life and every little juicy detail in it. Watch what you say around her, especially with your special situation.”

Loki’s expression turned more serious as he nodded his head and entered her car. When the two of them were in, she began to drive. She continued in a dry tone, “Sandra, on the other hand, is a little less crazy like that, but she still tries her very best to ‘help’ you in your love life. Trust me, I’ve suffered enough because of it, and I quickly learned not to take any of her suggestions.”

Loki appeared amused at the end of her warnings, “What a interesting group of people you’re a part of.”

She grinned back as the pulled them into her apartment complex and said, “Tell me about it.”

Darcy took Loki’s hand as they walked up, both getting used to the fact that they were trying this thing out between them and also taking some strength from him before they stepped into that apartment. She took a deep breath and unlocked the door for them, hoping that they wouldn’t be home, but there was no such luck since the both of them were lounging about the living room as she came in.

“Hey, Darc. Long time no see.” Sandra said as the two of them came in, looking up from the book she was reading.

Chloe’s eyes immediately went to Loki, giving him a quick look over that Darcy was sure made him slightly uncomfortable, though she couldn’t be completely certain with the perfect poker face always seemed to have, and she said, “So, Darcy, who is this?”

Chloe’s eyes then centered in on their clasped hands for a long moment, coming to some kind of conclusion in her head about that that made her then look back up to Darcy with a special smile on her face as she waited for an answer. Darcy gulped as her mind raced to come up with some kind of explanation. Lloyd was the name she’d given to Shield to give him an identity when he had none, and she’d told them that he was her brother.

That story wouldn’t work with these two. They’d met her brother when he’d helped her move here, so she couldn’t pull something like that. What was she going to tell the two of them now? She knew the story had to stick since Loki would be a regular in her life, not just someone her roommates would never see again. She supposed she could just tell them the truth about his first name, since sometimes people did have strange parents that gave them strange names. 

After a moment that was almost too long, Darcy smiled a little sheepishly and said, “This is Loki. I…uhh…met him through work.”

Both Chloe and Sandra were studying him closely now, so Darcy unconsciously gripped his hand tighter with her own discomfort. Sandra finally spoke, “So you’re another one of those scientist types?”

Loki’s lips twitched upward in the slightest of mischievous smirks, and he said, “You could say that.”

Darcy’s roommates’ cheeks colored at that look from him, and she quickly added, “So, uhh, yeah. We just got to talking, and found that we hit it off pretty well.”

She laughed internally at how ironically simple she was making it sound. But she didn’t exactly want to give Chloe a field day by slipping up and saying something she didn’t want to. Less was definitely more in this type of situation.

“You got lucky this time, Darcy, and without my help! I’m surprised.” Sandra said in a teasing tone, and Darcy couldn’t help but laugh dryly, exchanging a private look of humor with Loki quickly without either of the other girls noticing.

Chloe’s smile then turned teasing and suggestive as she said, “Well, I’m sure Darcy has better things to do than talk to us. Let’s get out of here, Sandy.”

Sandra laughed at Darcy sputtering slightly at Chloe’s implication, and she nodded saying, “Yeah, I bet you’re right. Don’t worry, Darcy, we’ll get ourselves out of your hair.”

The two of them picked up their purses and got out of the apartment, Darcy just giving them looks of disbelief as they left, knowing for certain that the two of them would be hounding her for details about the evening and about Loki when she was alone with them again, and she definitely wasn’t looking forward to any of that. But, she wouldn’t let that ruin her evening with him, especially now that they were suddenly alone. Instinctively, she brought their clasped hands closer to herself, and she said, “Can we just lay down a little while? I’m actually really tired. I didn’t get much sleep when you…when you went.”

The amusement left Loki’s face as he let go of her hand and then pulled her into a warm embrace, stroking her back lightly, “Of course. I am sorry to have caused you such worry.”

Reluctantly, Darcy moved back from the embrace to take him by the hand again and lead him to her room, gesturing around and saying, “Yeah, I know it isn’t much, but I hardly had anything when I first moved here, and soon after I got the internship with Jane and Erik, so I was hardly here anyway.”

The few things in the room were her small bed, a desk, and one bookshelf. Darcy now felt that it looked a little sorry to bring Loki to visit, but her tiredness over the last day or so was hitting her hard, and she couldn’t help but yawn slightly. Loki noticed this, and he gently led her to the bed and invited her to sit on his lap as he wrapped his arms around her. Her face was cuddled into his neck and she let one of her hands lay on his chest while the other wrapped around him as well.

She never felt more warm or more comfortable and this caused her to smile tiredly as she murmured jokingly, “You feel pretty warm, you know, for being a frost giant and all.”

She felt his return smile softly against her skull, since his face was buried in her hair, and he responded, “The Allfather gave me the gift of this warmth. I now know just how much I owe to him, and how poorly I repaid him for all of it.”

His voice turned sad by the end of his sentence, and she rubbed his chest softly and said, “The Allfather…another name for Odin, right? I think I remember that being one of the alternative ways of referring to him from the stories.”

“Yes, it is.” Loki replied softly, letting out a small sigh into her hair, appearing to appreciate her closeness.

She couldn’t stand feeling so much sadness from him, so she said, “I know that what you did wasn’t the best of ways to get the attention you wanted from him, but he’s your father. I know he understands now that he had the chance to think everything over.”

Loki sighed again and looked into her eyes, and the deep sorrow she found there made her gasp softly and she felt her own eyes beginning to tear up. 

“Darcy…” he spoke apologetically, raising a hand up to stroke her cheek, “Odin is a hard man, because he has to be. He must rule over all of the realms and bring peace the best he can to all. I took over his responsibilities for an incredibly short period of time, so I didn’t understand, especially with my own selfish goals in mind. I know now that I was wrong. For all the cleverness of my plan, our people are at the verge of war once again with Jotunheim.”

“He can’t think so harshly of you, especially with the way he told you that you were adopted.” Darcy started speaking in a defensive tone, but it softened slightly as she kept speaking, “He probably didn’t know the best way to say it, since some people just aren’t good at this kind of thing. I know my own dad isn’t. My dad usually means well, but he never knows just how to deal with emotional situations.”

“Perhaps.” Loki replied simply, but he didn’t elaborate further, and Darcy knew it was because winning his father’s affection and attention was a long fought battle since childhood. She couldn’t blame him for having mixed feelings toward the man now, but Darcy could tell from the look in his eye, in spite everything, he still loved his father.

She hoped that one day he would be able to resolve this with his father to give him the peace inside he so needed. She realized that day might be sooner than anyone thought, with Thor suddenly showing up to bring him home. And, take Loki away from her. Darcy pushed herself closer to him and gripped a little tighter. She was trying so hard not to think about it, but it just was staring her in the face.

Loki made a small noise and pulled her just as tight, and he whispered to her, “Sleep.”

“But…” Darcy tired arguing, but her eyes were beginning to close in her exhaustion. 

“Do not worry.” He murmured softly as he cradled her body, “I promise I will be here when you wake.”

“Okay.” Darcy sighed back and she let herself fall into sleep.

* * *

Loki held Darcy the whole night as she slept, but he didn’t sleep at all. He just watched her with gentle eyes, wondering if this was truly one of his last moments with her. Though Thor was very forgiving, and his mother was likely to be, he knew that Odin would be far less so. He knew that his father loved him in a way, since he would not have taken him in to the family so easily otherwise, but he had caused far too much trouble to be welcomed back to Asgard with open arms.

It was not as though he expected such, but the idea of most likely being imprisoned for the rest of his life made a strange kind of anxiety rise in him that he’d never known before. He never felt this way about having to leave someone behind, to know that someone would be thinking about him, worrying about him, missing him, waiting for him. He didn’t want to leave Darcy behind that way, but he also didn’t have the heart to tell her that he most likely wouldn’t be able to return.

Loki had let his head rest against hers, trying to commit to memory just how she felt against him, knowing that he would have to keep this memory bright to help him through whatever he would face on his return, and as the morning sun began to stream through Darcy’s window, he let out a sigh and knew it was time. He gently woke her with a kiss to the forehead and he told her he would be returning them to Jane and Erik’s to meet with Thor to return to Asgard.

Sadness flashed momentarily on her face, but it was quickly replaced by a look of grim determination. Loki pulled her close and transported the two of them back to the lab. On arriving, they both found Jane and Thor already exchanging their goodbyes. Loki felt just the slightest bit of bitterness then. Thor would be able to see Jane again whenever he chose, but his future with Darcy was far more uncertain.

He hesitated at first to touch Darcy, knowing the enmity Jane felt toward him, but he looked into her eyes and couldn’t help but think that this could very well be the last chance to touch her. He still had to pay for his betrayal of both Thor and Odin, no matter how forgiving either or both could be. Their society would accept no less, and to maintain the strength of his rule, Odin would have no choice but to act, no matter what he personally felt toward him. He would most certainly be imprisoned for a long period. Impossibly long by human standards.

Darcy would be long dead and gone before he would be freed, and he would never be with her again. He looked into her eyes and suddenly out of his control, he began to feel the burn of tears in his eyes. Never again would he look into her lovely blue eyes and feel so appreciated or wanted. Never again would he feel her touch. Never again would he experience her curious sense of humor, her sharp observations or her wit, or sweetness toward him.

His heart clenched and he closed his own eyes finally to squeeze out some tears, finally opening them again to focus on her now worried face, and he softly said, “Darcy…”

Loki then forgot about Thor and Jane standing but feet away, and he continued whispering through his tears, “I’m so glad to have met you…”

There was a kind of finality to his tone that made tears spring to her eyes as well, and he instantly felt the heaviness of regret at having caused her even more sadness, and he knew then he would do anything to make that look of sorrow leave her face. He didn’t have much time left with her, so he pulled her into a deep and passionate kiss where he poured every bit of emotion and feeling he had for her, and left the both of them gasping when it finally ended.

“This is just the beginning…we have so much to do when you come back.” Darcy looked at him, her eyes begging him not to leave, and how much he wanted to assuage her grief.

But, no. He already made a promise, and he knew he had a penance to pay.

“I will come back.” He promised her brokenly, but his eyes said something else entirely.

He didn’t think it, so all he could tell her was a beautiful lie that neither of them actually believed. He leaned forward to kiss her deeply again, their tears giving the kiss a salty tinge this time. More tears ran from his eyes as he realized this would the last memory he would have of her, this sad and desperate kiss. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and his body tried to promise his return as much as his words did, knowing this was the only comfort they could afford each other in such an unsure situation.

Finally he stepped back from her, knowing that it would do neither of them any favors to just delay the inevitable. He reached out to caress her face one last time and he spoke in a meaningful tone, “You will be in my thoughts.”

He turned to see Jane and Thor looking at the two of them, and it seemed that their goodbye seemed to have affected his brother at the least, since the other’s eyes seemed extremely sad as well to have witnessed such a thing. Loki wondered at the fact that he wasn’t used to such sadness yet, since much of his life was spent experiencing it. He gave her one last look of farewell and then moved closer to Thor, “I am ready.”

Thor just gave a return nod and gave Jane one last kiss goodbye himself, and he then he blew the horn to summon the rams. Loki could hardly bear to look at Darcy as the two of them flew off, feeling much like an open nerve. Thor was silent for a long time, before finally reaching over to clap a hand over his shoulder in comfort and say, “All will be well, brother. I know even father will be glad to see you again.”

Loki didn’t look at Thor, secretly feeling slightly warmed at Thor’s clumsy comfort, but that was not enough to dispel the truth of his fate.

“All will not be well, and both you and I know that.” Loki said definitively, looking down in the general direction of where Darcy and Jane were standing, unable to see much of anything in a positive light with what he was sure he would face.

Thor appeared unable to think of anything else to say, so he just stayed silent after that as they rode back to Asgard. Was that truly his home anymore? He wasn’t so certain. He now suspected that his home was a little town on Midgard, since that’s where his heart obviously decided to stay. Perhaps where it always would stay, no matter how many years would pass.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

Darcy stood very still, watching Loki and Thor fly away into the distance, standing and staring long after they were out of sight. She felt her tears drying on her face, but she still couldn’t move. As she watched him leave, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. She loved that man, god, whatever, more strongly than anything she’d ever known, and her breath hitched with a sob that she tried to keep down.

Crying now would not help her, but her emotions seemed to be in a rebellious mood, feeling tears running down her face again. She didn’t even notice Jane coming up slowly behind her, only noticing her when she felt the other’s hand on her shoulder, turning her head to look at Jane sadly.

The other seemed to take some pity on her state, and she spoke in a soft tone to her, “Hey, don’t worry. We’ll see them again. Thor promised he’d be back before, and he came back. I don’t think it’d be different this time.”

Darcy had nothing to say, unable to stem her tears, just trying to breathe and stay calm in face of the fact that even if Loki told her that he would come back, he fully believed that he wouldn’t be. And she could tell that it wouldn’t be by choice. Would he truly be punished on returning to Asgard? Darcy knew just how Loki loved his brother, so obviously with Thor asking him to come back, he wouldn’t hesitate, even with the cost to himself that he would face.

After a long and rather uncomfortable silence between them where Darcy just helplessly sobbed softly, Jane turned her body to pull her into a hug and she said, “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. Let’s go inside, hmm? We’ll get you some tea.”

Darcy just accepted her comfort, not knowing what else to do when she felt so hopelessly sad. She thought she knew what it felt like to miss people, with her parents both working all the time and when her friend June went on her long summer vacations with her family, making her feel like she was alone. No, this had to be a million times worse than any of that because she had no idea if she’d ever see him again.

Jane led her inside and sat her down at the counter, quickly starting up some tea for both of them, and bringing it over while it was nice and hot. While Jane at least attempted to sip at hers, Darcy just stared into the cup, watching the steam come up from the transparent amber liquid, the smoke even reminding her of the amazing things Loki could do with the elements. The amazing way he risked his life to save her own. The way he looked into her eyes when they made love.

She just gripped to the hot mug harder, not caring that the cup was hot enough to burn her hands. It didn’t hurt any worse than her heart did at that moment, so she hardly noticed. Jane was watching her worriedly, but she didn’t notice that either. She was rather inconsolable at the moment, and she wasn’t sure when that would change.

Jane put a hand on her back and said, “It’ll get easier after some time.”

Of course Darcy knew that. Everything did get easier over time. But figuring out the love of her life right when she most likely would never see him again…that had to be some kind of record low. Even with Jane awkwardly trying to comfort her, Darcy was fairly certain that she didn’t understand just how she felt with him having left presumably forever.

This was confirmed when Jane finally broke the silence again, “So, uhh…I wanted to talk to you. About Loki.”

Darcy just had to raise an eyebrow at her, and carefully kept her voice calm and non-defensive, “Yeah?”

Jane seemed to struggle slightly with her words, “So…you two…seemed to have gotten close.”

“I guess we have.” Darcy was waiting for the bombshell, knowing that a conversation with Jane about Loki would lead no where good.

“But, uhh…” Jane’s voice found a way to get even more awkward, “I want you to be careful with him, okay?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Darcy’s brow scrunching as he look turned a little harder.

Darcy knew just what Jane thought of Loki, but it didn’t mean she wanted to hear it, especially not now.

“It’s just…I know he’s fond of you, that much is obvious, but…he’s already hurt a lot of people, and I don’t want you to be on that list.” Jane said softly, looking like she was really trying not to get her more upset, but she was failing miserably as Darcy returned with a glare.

“He won’t. It’s as simple as that.” Darcy said, glaring at Jane some more, not feeling as though she should not have to justify her emotions for Loki to her.

It wasn’t as though someone could control who they fell in love with, but even more than that, she knew that Loki was a good man, even with what he had done.

“He’s even hurt the people in his own family.” Jane was attempting to reason with her, but Darcy knew no matter what she said, she would not budge, “If he could hurt people so close to him, what would make you any different?”

Darcy’s glare intensified, “You just don’t understand why he did any of it. He wanted their love and attention because he wasn’t getting it. I’m not excusing his actions, but I’m definitely not condemning him for them either.”

She just wanted to scream at Jane that she loved him and that was enough, but it would just lead to more arguing she was sure. Without even having taken one sip out of her cup, she wiped her face of the last tears that managed to escape and stood up from the counter stool.

“Look, you can feel whatever you want about him, but don’t expect me to agree with you. And just like you waiting for Thor, I’m going to wait for him, as long as it takes.” Darcy added fervently as she walked out of the house, deciding she needed a walk to clear her head.

There was the distinct possibility that she would spend the rest of her life waiting for him, but she would continue to hope. It was all she had left.

* * *

The ride back to Asgard was largely silent as Loki thought over what was likely awaiting him. He hoped that the chains and shackles would not come right away, but he had a feeling that was very likely in his future. He knew how optimistic Thor was for his return, and he hadn't the heart to tell him just how unlikely that was. It wasn't as though he was as well liked as Thor, leading him to know beyond a doubt that his return would go a little differently.

On pulling up to Asgard, he saw that Heimdall, as he always did, was standing at the edge of the now broken Bifrost bridge, and he nodded to Thor in greeting as he and his brother exited the small chariot. He was welcomed with a hard glare himself, but thankfully, he did nothing. Thor must have informed him that he would be returning with him. Loki couldn't blame him, given their last encounter with each other. He did nothing now though, since there was nothing he really could do to make it up. He could only now accept the consequences of his actions.

Thor led him to the palace, but thankfully was thoughtful enough to lead them about the back where not many knew an entrance existed. He knew that before Thor would have thought nothing of bringing him in through the front gate, but with him walking freely behind him, he was sure that the general populace would be less than pleased. Loki found himself unintentionally holding his breath as he walked into the palace doors.

Thankfully, at this time of day, there were few people in the back halls of where he once called home, and he found Thor leading him directly to their mother’s chamber. She could possibly be the only other friendly face he would find here, so looked forward to seeing her at least. He knew that she felt just as betrayed in his schemes, but dearly hoped she would be able to accept his paltry apologies, since that was all he could give her. 

She was at her loom as she usually was, as Loki remembered as far back as childhood. Frigga seemed completely absorbed in her work as she weaved, not even noticing the two of them had walked into the door. Loki didn’t much want to break her peace, but Thor had other ideas. He got behind Loki to push him toward her with an encouraging half smile, so Loki let out a small sigh and spoke softly, “Mother.”

Her head was up like a shot in his direction, and her eyes were wide with shock. She rushed to stand up, leaving her work right in the middle, and she moved with practiced grace toward him, “Loki, my son!”

She enveloped him in a tight hug and Loki kept her close, always having take comfort from her embraces. He would easily admit that her love and affection for him was one of the more positive parts of the times he was young.

“It is good to see you, mother.” Loki softly said, keeping his hug tight, knowing that his mother would not want it to end very soon.

“I’ve miss your mischief making dearly, Loki.” She said, finally pulling back and meeting him with gentle eyes.

Something about that look from her broke something in him, and he felt some tears come to his eyes as he replied, “I am so sorry for what I’ve done. I never wanted to cause you and father such trouble.”

Frigga just shook her head and said, “I know you did not act out of malice, my son.”

She reached up to lightly stroke his cheek in comfort and said, “We will deal with the consequences as they come, but I treasure every moment I can have with you and Thor.”

Loki hugged her one more time, and felt her rub those same comforting circles she used to in his back to calm him when he was upset as she did when he was a child. This small sense of familiarity was enough to comfort him, at least for the time being, and he whispered, ”I will never put you through such pain again.”

”You are a good son. I only wish that your father and I had stressed it more.” Frigga said with some sorrow in her tone, but her eyes were filled with nothing but love.

Loki didn't feel deserving, but he still have her a small smile, ”And I couldn't have had a better mother.”

She grinned back at him, and when Loki looked behind himself at Thor, he could see him smiling as well. He wished that his meeting with Odin could proceed in much the same way, but he certainly knew better than that. His mind was taken away from that dreaded meeting when Frigga spoke, ”You must be very tired, Loki. Please let Thor take you to your room.”

Though she was smiling, Loki could see some worry in her eyes. Even his mother’s love couldn’t blind her from the fact that he wouldn’t be well accepted back here, and it was certain she wanted Thor to accompany him for the simple fact that he might run into someone on the way there and it would lead to an instant confrontation. He couldn’t disagree with her sentiment.

He nodded and said, “I am tired.”

Loki gave his mother one last hug and then made his way out of her chamber with Thor. He realized more and more that he had made an awful mess of things, but in spite of that, he couldn’t say that he regretted it. He wouldn’t have gotten to know Darcy the way he had, and now he wouldn’t trade that for anything. Just thinking about her was enough to send a pang of longing through him for her, and he’d only been away from her a short while.

He felt his eyes sting as he turned over the possibility of not seeing her again for the thousandth time, but he pushed those thoughts away. He would not even let himself fully consider the idea until that truth had been realized. She meant far too much to him, he realized that now.

Loki didn’t speak much to Thor as the two of them walked to his rooms, all of these halls so familiar, but feeling so foreign now that he wasn’t a part of it any more. Perhaps Thor wanted him back, perhaps his mother, but anyone else? How could he be a part of something no one ever wanted him to be, and now would actually go out of their way to make sure he never was again? He felt it best to keep such thoughts to himself, since he was rather certain Thor would not take well to hearing him think like this.

He couldn’t help it though, he had the perspective of an outsider, and very little would ever be able to change that, especially now. Finally his chamber came into view, and so he led the way in opening the doors to let the two of them inside. On entering, he waved his hand and let his magic shut the doors behind them. He looked about the room and found it to be just the way he had left it.

Loki just let out a small sigh and took a seat at the fine marble table in his room, and invited Thor to sit across from him. They both were awkwardly silent now that neither of them had anything they were doing, and finally Thor decided to break the silence, “Mother was overjoyed to see you. You need not worry so much of reactions to your return.”

Loki knew how much Thor wanted him to be accepted back among the Asgardians, but he couldn’t share in his optimism, saying, “It was not mother I worried about. I fear it will be father who will be far less accommodating.”

Thor remembered what Odin said to him before he went to bring Loki back, so his expression sobered slightly as he said, “He is your father, the same as he is mine, no matter our actual lineages. He will also welcome you home.”

Loki wanted to believe that was true, but he just couldn’t, not with everything the way it was.

He finally let out another sigh and said, “I just hope he will not be too harsh.”

Odin’s wrath was certainly something to beware of, if you were the rare, but very unfortunate recipient of it.

Loki then looked away from Thor and said, ”I really am sorry for all I've done against you. I let my emotions get the best of me. That made it very difficult to see the true consequences of my actions, and...I never wanted to hurt you or our friends, but all I could see was a means to an end.”

Loki was silent for a moment before continuing with a mirthless laugh, ”Though, I am absolutely certain I can no longer call any of them friend now.”

Thor's eyes were sad as he responded, ”It was I that pushed you to such actions, Loki. You would always listen to me no matter what I had to say, but I never did the same for you.” 

Loki couldn’t help but give Thor a slightly sad and bitter smile at that and he replied, “It was not your fault, Thor. I never was able to fit in, no matter where I found myself. I just had to learn to live.”

Thor seemed to get upset by this and he replied, “But why? I should have been more attentive. You always led me to the right decisions with your sound advice and you always were able to lighten my dark moods with your jesting. I feel as though…I never really tried to understand you, while you…you knew me like the back of your hand.”

Loki just let out one more sigh, “Things for you were simple, Thor. They always had been.”

“I should have been a better brother. You deserved better, Loki.” Thor insisted, reaching out to touch one of Loki’s hands.

The tender motion from Thor made a warmth grow in his chest and it reminded him again of just how deeply he felt for him. He loved Darcy beyond a doubt, but his love for Thor would always be there, and with it having become such an integral part of him, Loki couldn’t even imagine how he would be without it there always in the background.

Loki didn’t move his hand and neither did Thor. It pleased Loki on some level that Thor seemed to enjoy this kind of closeness as much as he, so he didn’t want it to end so quickly. He knew the two of them would have to come back to the real world very soon, so he’d hang on to this as long as he could, adding this memory to the ones with Darcy he would keep as soon as he was imprisoned, likely forever.

He knew that he should get out everything he had to say now, before it was too late.

“I want to apologize, during our last meeting, for my words about Jane. It did not sit well with me that she was able to reach you in a way that I never was. I should not have reacted that way.”

Thor shook his head and said, “Jane is an amazing woman, but you are no less, Loki. You are very important to me, and I regret that I never was able to convey that to you. You were always far more talented with the tongue than I.”

Loki's lips twitched upward out of his control in a wry way, ”I suppose that would depend on whom you ask, don't you think?”

Thor laughed straight from his belly at Loki's tease, and he replied, ”Aye, I suppose it would.”

Loki’s expression turned serious again when Thor’s laugh ended, and he continued, “I mean her no harm, I want you to know that. Living around her let me see just how good a woman she is and how good she is for you.”

The corner of Loki’s mouth turned up just slightly in humor again, “She is the sense that you have always lacked.”

Thor just chuckled in response to that. His brother's face sobered slightly as he then said, "I have missed you here, in the time that you have been gone."

Loki wasn't quite sure what to say to that, since he spent most of his time on Midgard without his memories, and on getting his memories back slowly and painfully, he had mixed feelings about it all. It was true that he felt strongly for Thor, and he did enjoy being in his presence, the short time he had no idea whom he was, was a short time of bliss. Now, with all his memories back, he had no choice but to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Thor seemed to have realized the dampening of the mood by his comment, so he decided to switch gears, obviously not enjoying seeing his discomfort, "So, I have seen you have grown close to Darcy."

Loki's face reddened slightly at Thor's sudden and blunt statement, but he supposed it was no shock, since Thor was probably one of the most direct people he knew. He gave a slight nod, since it was absolute truth that he had no reason to hide from his brother, "Yes, I have."

Thor's mouth then curled up in a playful and teasing smile, "I believe she suits you, brother. She is quite feisty."

Loki couldn't help but make a small noise of amusement at that, and he replied with the slightest smirk, "I do enjoy that about her."

Loki could then see curiosity in Thor's eyes, so after looking at him suspiciously for a moment, he said, "I can tell you want to ask me something. Go ahead."

Thor chuckled and said with some hesitance, "You do know me too well. I wished to know..."

When Thor paused for a moment, he tried pushing him along with a questioning eyebrow, "Yes...?"

Looking away, he continued, "On returning from Midgard, I have often thought of having Jane by my side...not just for the span of her short human life, but for as long as we live. I wish to...make her one of us. What do you think on this?"

Loki's mouth dropped open in shock, but then his mind flashed to the wonderful thought of having Darcy with him the same way. That would be a boon beyond anything else, since he missed her dearly even now. He did not see Odin taking to such requests kindly though, so he replied cautiously, "As great a desire for this possibility it is on both our parts, I am sure, I do not see the Allfather agreeing so easily. Certainly not on my part, anyway."

Thor nodded, thinking deeply on this for a moment, and then he fixed his eyes on Loki again, "You want the same with Darcy too?"

Loki reddened again, but he did not deny it this time either, "I do. She has shown me such capacity of unconditional love, I do not think I can ignore that fact."

Thor nodded one more time, and this time gave him a small smile, "I am happy for you, Loki."

Thor then smiled to himself, "Is it not odd we have both found those that we wish to spend the rest of our time with on Midgard? A place where time seems so short in comparison to our own?"

"It is odd." Loki agreed, looking away and thinking more about Darcy.

"There was no one here that caught my attention, in spite of the many fine maids we do have here." Thor observed.

When Loki said nothing to that, remembering just how many maids Thor chased when they were young, and he felt that mild burn of jealousy again. He was unable to control it. Thor seemed to notice something slightly off with Loki’s expression, so he asked softly and curiously, “Was there someone you…someone important to you here? Before your time on Midgard?”

Loki suddenly was cursing Thor’s new streak of insightfulness and observation, and his face took a slight color as a tense silence settled between them. He knew that was also the truth, that he felt so strongly for Thor before he met Darcy, and he still felt that fondness for him. But was that something he should tell him? Especially when he showed just how strongly he felt for Jane? No, Loki was smarter than that.

Thor was watching Loki’s face carefully with some confusion as he said nothing for almost too long. Loki finally raised his eyes to Thor’s, and he desperately tried to keep the emotions from showing too much in his eyes as he lied and shook his head, “No. There was no one.”

Thor’s look was suspicious for a split second, and Loki wondered if he would actually call him out on his lie. He hoped not. Thor’s face cleared then of the suspicion, and he was glad that he was willing to accept him on his word. Loki was prepared to tell him almost anything he wanted to know, but this was one thing he wanted to keep to himself, for the sake of rebuilding their relationship.

After staying silent for another long moment, Thor finally said, "We will return to Midgard soon to see them again."

Loki nodded, but wasn't sure what else to say. This whole situation was overwhelming to him in the least, and he wasn't even given a chance to really put his thoughts in order, since there was a knock on the door. Loki waved a hand to open the door with magic, this being one of the few plusses of having training in that art.

He felt his stomach instantly sink when he saw that it was none other than Odin behind that door. He knew that he would be speaking with him, but he didn't think that it would be quite this soon. Both he and Thor stood up when he entered, and dipped their heads in respect. It warmed him to see Thor moving to stand in front of him slightly, knowing his brother's propensity to try to protect him. It used to irritate him, but now he was genuinely thankful.

"Father, I -- " Thor began to speak defensively, but Odin just held up a hand to stop him.

"I will be speaking with you later, Thor. Now I must speak with Loki alone." Odin's voice was strong and unwielding as Loki remembered, but there was a distinct tiredness in the background as well.

Thor exchanged a slightly worried look with Loki, but he nodded and moved out of the room. The tension rose significantly on Thor's departure, but Loki didn't want to speak. He knew that Odin deserved his say after all that he'd done against him, no matter what his intentions were. Odin finally let out a tired sigh and began to move toward the table in Loki's room and said, "Come, Loki. Sit with me."

His voice was deadly serious, and Loki knew that there no argument to be brooked by him now. He cautiously took a seat across from Odin, and silently waited for his sentence. 

"Loki, my son. We have much to speak about, and I...have many apologies to give you."

Loki just looked at Odin in shock. He never apologized about anything. His surprise must have been dead obvious on his face, since Odin continued, "You were right. I should have been more open to you about where you came from. I didn't want you to feel different, but it appeared that I failed you on that account."

It took everything for Loki not to just let his mouth drop open at Odin’s words, and he was struck speechless, just waiting for him to go on, not daring to speak and ruin this moment.

Odin looked away and said, “It was true that you were a small and helpless baby out on the battlefield, but it wasn’t out of sheer pity that I kept you. No, when I held you…it felt to me like you belonged there. With me. With us, here in Asgard. I had no thoughts of plots or plans those first few moments you were in my arms.”

Loki’s eyes then teared up out of his control, never having heard Odin speaking so openly with him, or anyone for that matter, about emotion, and finally he quietly and cautiously spoke, “You really wanted a weakling child that your enemy discarded?”

Odin’s eyes reflected some grief at that, “Laufey was a great fool to have left you the way he did. You were quite small for a frost giant, but the moment that I looked into your eyes, I could tell that you were special. I could see that you were of value, and could so easily be loved. I took you home to your mother and she was overjoyed to have you. I knew then that I had made the right decision.”

Tears were now streaming down Loki’s face as he listened carefully to Odin, unable to believe this was happening. How could he have misjudged his father so greatly? He felt more guilt pressing down on him now, and he wondered at just how right of him it was to come back with Thor to Asgard at all.

Odin reached forward and placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder and he said, “I should not have dealt with you so callously. I want you to know that I do love you and I am proud to call you my son.”

Loki shut his eyes for a moment against the torrent of emotion, and he murmured, “Father…I’m sorry…for everything.”

“I know, Loki, I know.” Odin said, giving Loki a little squeeze on the shoulder before he let go, “It is true that I did not understand your actions at first, but now that I have had time to think, I do. It is one of my many regrets that you have suffered the way you have, and I now know that you acted to bring us victory and show me that you are just as worthy as Thor of the same attentions.”

Odin looked away, seeming slightly awkward at such emotional exchange between them, but Loki welcomed it. It was as though there was this wall between he and his father before, so to have it come down now was something he was quite grateful for. After a moment of silence, Odin’s face found a way to get even more deathly serious and he said, “It is true that I understand your actions, but few outside of our family do. Your actions have unfortunately led to much political unrest both on Asgard and on Jotunheim.”

Loki’s face hardened as his fears looked as though they would be realized after all. In spite of the fact that his father did love him, and did forgive him for what he had done, there was no reason for the rest of the kingdom to forgive him for pushing them yet again toward war with Jotunheim, when so little was keeping the conflict from erupting once more before he’d even made a move.

“You then wish to exile me for good? Perhaps then some kind of settlement can be reached with them.” Loki spoke in guilt, realizing that he had nearly wiped them out in all of this too.

He wasn’t liked by the Asgardians for the betrayal of the truce with Jotunheim and their king, and he definitely wasn’t liked by the Jotuns since he betrayed them as well, and killed their king. He let out a sigh. This mess was far larger than he ever anticipated it being. He didn’t think past what he had to do since he didn’t plan to fail. He never thought he would see a frost giant again, but now he would pay for that dearly.

If the other Asgardians didn’t have his head, they certainly would. 

Odin shook his head and said, “No. News of your return to Asgard is surely on its way to them, and when it reaches them, I believe that you will be in danger the moment you leave the gates of the city. You will stay here until an accord is reached with them. Then, once settlement has been reached, both you and I would be bound to those terms, whatever they may be.”

Loki then scrunched his brow in slight confusion, “If I am not to leave Asgard, will I be then sent to the dungeons?”

Odin’s voice got just a little pained at that question from him, and he shook his head again as he replied, “No, my son. I would not wish for that. But I would ask you to stay within the castle walls, at least for the time being. I would not want to raise conflict with our own people over your return.”

“Father…” Loki could not even begin to give him thanks for the amount of kindness he was being shown in spite of all that he had done.

He knew the kind of pressure that his father was under in having to deal with the repercussions of his actions, and so this is what made Loki feel even more surprised at his father’s decision not to imprison him or allow the Jotuns to have him. Odin was a fierce warrior and leader, and if not for him, Asgard might have fallen to its enemies many times over. He was a man that demanded respect and definitely not one to be crossed.

And Loki knew he crossed his father in the worst way. Was Odin only saying and doing all of this to get him to trust him, so that he would be able to cross him in a similar way? Loki pushed that thought away. His father might be hard nosed at times, but he was always honorable. He was certain that his father would never do that to him. Odin would never do what he had done. 

Loki felt again that he’d failed him as a son, but his thoughts were broken as Odin kept speaking, “I did not look for you when you disappeared not because I did not want to find you. I did not look for you because I did not want them to know you had survived. I wished for you to be safe.”

Loki was silent at that, turning that over in his mind. So much he didn’t know was being revealed to him in just these few minutes, and he found it all overwhelming. Odin continued speaking after a moment of silence, but this silence wasn’t uncomfortable or tense as most between them had always been.

“With Laufey now gone, many splinter groups have made their vies for power, having even approached me for help against the other groups for a peace treaty with them. I have heard no word from the actual leading council, and that worries me. Not only must they be in disarray by losing their leader, they now lack a sense of direction. Vengeance for your actions might be all they see now, and I must find a way to stop this at all costs. The first war with Jotunheim almost destroyed us. I must find a way to speak with their remaining leaders, as I will not have us suffer such again.”

Loki’s ever pressing guilt at everything made him lower his head slightly in shame, but he thought carefully of what his father told him. His eyes widened as an incredible, albeit awful, idea came to his mind. He turned it over for a moment, and he knew that there was no other choice for them if they wanted Asgard to come out of this without another war.

“Father, I insist on being a part of these talks. It is due to my actions that we are in this situation, so I must be a part of the resolution.”

Odin’s face turned harder as he replied, “I refuse to allow you. That would surely make you a target to the Jotuns.”

Loki just raised an eyebrow and continued to argue, even when he usually would have stopped with such a look from his father. This was far too important to allow his father’s protectiveness for him interfere with what was right of him to do in this situation, “And what am I now? Our own people likely think I brought these troubles upon them and then fled. This will show both the Asgardians and the Jotuns that I am not a coward, and that I am ready to face my actions.”

Odin let out a tired sigh and said, “As much as I wish to protect you, you are right. You truly are my son.”

Loki let a moment of silence to pass between them to allow them both to digest the enormity of this situation before he dropped the bombshell, “There is also the fact that I have a right to their throne.”

Odin’s eyes actually widened at his assertion, “Do you mean to suggest this to the Jotuns? I do not believe they would want someone of Asgard on their throne, no matter your origins.”

Loki shook his head and said, “Nor do I want to be on their throne, but I believe I could bring order to the chaos I left their society in, and then pass on my rule to someone worthy there.”

Odin silently considered Loki’s suggestion for a long time and he said, “Asgard and Jotunheim have long been at war with only tenuous times of peace between us both. I hope now this would bring a more permanent form of peace.”

Odin finally moved to stand up, and Loki joined him.

“I will leave now to think on what we have spoken. I will relay word as soon as I receive it from Jotunheim.” Odin said and Loki nodded, knowing that both of them would be in for a struggle in this situation.

Odin then gave him a nod and left the room, leaving Loki alone for the first time since returning to Asgard. He wasn’t much sure he liked it. While there used to be many things he would do to spend his time alone, he wasn’t sure if he had the right to anymore. He let out a sigh as a rush of tiredness hit him. Perhaps sleep was the best option at this point. He would think further on how to make amends to the people here in Asgard the next day.

It was likely that notion would be one quite frequently on his mind for many of the days to come.

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

Loki spent much of the following days in his room, reading books that he used to enjoy and training with his magic again, needing it to be as strong as it could be, now more than ever. With things the way they were, he really had to be prepared for anything. Whenever he began to feel cooped up in his room, he would go out to his mother’s garden on the castle grounds, knowing that it was a relatively private place that many either did not go to or did not know of. Either way, it gave him the solitude that he wanted. He wasn’t antisocial by nature, far from it, but this was a time he knew it would be necessary.

He needed to let everyone that used to be around him on a regular basis get used to the idea that he was around again, and to let them decide on their own if he was meant to be among them or not. He would not begrudge anyone for being less than welcoming, since he even thought he’d be imprisoned soon after arriving here. He was walking on a tight rope as it was, he would not provoke anyone into acting on their impulses.

This day, he closed the book he was reading and decided to venture out into the garden a little earlier than he usually did, deciding some time out in the sun would not be such a bad thing. He’d always found it to be quite a beautiful place, knowing that his mother tended it with great love and care. He often found himself there as a child, since he didn’t get along very well with his peers, and it was a solace to spend time with her in this place. He also found it somewhat of a solace now too, so he strolled out there slowly, and took a seat on a chair he could lie back on.

He was extremely tense most of the time, always keeping an eye over his back, but something about this place calmed him, and he was able to lay back and close his eyes. He thought of the people here he used to spend his time with and wondered if he would miss their company now that they would want nothing to do with him. It was something he wasn’t sure of, since he knew that they were only his friends because they were Thor’s friends.

He didn’t have any good friends in Asgard. This made his mind turn to Darcy once more. She was likely his only real friend, since she liked him just as he was, and not because he was Thor’s brother, or one of the royal family, or had something else that she wanted. He sighed and missed her some more. He wished to return to her quickly, this separation unbearable when he allowed himself to think on it for extended periods. 

Even if he was not imprisoned here as he thought he would be, there was the likely chance that he would be taken by the Jotuns and imprisoned or worse there instead. He would likely not see her again, and the idea made his heart clench painfully. He promised her he would return. He hoped beyond all else that he did not lie to her.

Before there was much chance to think on anything else, he thought he heard footsteps behind him.  Thinking that it must be his mother, he did nothing, but the clink of metal made his eyes fly open.  He had no time to act though as he found a sword blade at his throat and there was a low whisper in his ear, “Loki, we must talk.”

In spite of knowing that he deserved such treatment, his expression hardened, and he didn’t make a move to make sure he didn’t get cut on her blade, “There is no need for the threats, Sif.  I am not going anywhere.”

Loki felt the blade being removed from his throat, and he then turned to face her.  He really did want to apologize for what he had done to all of them, but such things weren't in his nature especially not with people not in his family.

Loki instead gave her a dark smirk, ”You have quite the talent for warm welcomes, Sif.”

Her cheek twitched in annoyance, and Loki took a strange kind of pleasure in knowing he was getting under her skin.

She spoke in obvious irritation and disgust, ”Thor's love for you as a brother is keeping him from seeing the truth about you, but I have no such problem.”

”Oh, really?  And what is this so called truth?” Loki challenged her, resisting the fact that he should apologize, something about Sif always rubbing him the wrong way.

Sif just snarled at him and said, "That you are a snake that would prey on any kind of softness or weakness that you find in the people that care for you and then use that to your benefit, no matter the cost to anyone involved."

It hurt Loki to be so plainly stated, but he just returned with a hard look and a voice as smooth as silk, "And these feelings you have about me would have nothing at all to do with the feelings you have for Thor that go completely unnoticed?"

When her face reddened in both embarrassment at being so transparent, Loki had to continue pushing on with a devious smirk, "Oh, how it must burn to know that Thor has chosen a human mortal over you.  How he would bring me back here against your wishes.  Perhaps you are not as valued a friend to him as you thought."

Sif just growled in response to that, bringing the pointy tip of her sword back to his throat and said, "Say what you will.  This does not change the fact that I will be watching you very closely.  One wrong move..."

Loki felt the tip of the sword dig further into his skin, just shy of drawing blood and he replied smartly, "I assure you I understand that it would be far worse for me to cross you."

Her eyes flashed in warning and she said, "Just as long as I am very clearly understood."  

Loki's lips twitched upward in a mirthless smirk as he replied with sarcasm, "Crystal, my lady."

“I would have your head if Thor didn’t love you so.” 

Sif huffed and pushed him backward, stalking away from him without another word.  When she was well away from him, Loki reached a hand up to rub his raw throat lightly and pondered the situation.  He knew that his words were far too harsh and cruel, especially since Sif suffered a similar fate as he in the fact of Thor's regard.  After Thor was done treating her as a conquest, she'd become a fast friend of his, but that is where his feelings for her stopped.

Over time, as Thor was disposed to do, he grew on her, and she found herself falling for his carefree charm and charisma.  Loki, naturally, did not like this one bit, never much liking it if one got too close to Thor, or really had feelings for someone he just felt was his.  Loki realized quickly upon reaching adulthood that he had not such claim over Thor.  His brother would be with whom he wished, and he would be forced to just watch from the sidelines, unable to utter a word about what he felt or the fact that he wanted him.

It didn't matter now, not with how the cards had fallen.  His feelings for Thor would be ever present, and he would just let them stay the way they always had.  They would not interfere for what he had with Darcy, as he never would act on them, and Thor...he would allow him to be happy with Jane, since that was what he wished.  Sif, unfortunately, would have to suffer a similar fate, though he wondered if she realized it yet.  In due time, she would know.

Until then, he would wait.  

* * *

Thor paced about his chamber. This was the day they were to allow Jotuns to enter their territory with a friendly hand extended, and he had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to accept this easily, since all they ever did was fight. But after his time with Jane, he knew that there were far more than one side to a story. He was certain that the Jotuns felt the same about his people that he did about them, so he could hardly blame them for acting the way they had, since even just a short time ago, he’d have done the very same thing.

Now he would work with Loki and his father to try to bring this conflict to a close, or at least have a stronger truce that would last longer this time around. It was true that Loki was one of them, but Thor somehow felt he was different. Loki was raised to be Asgardian, so Thor would always feel him to be that way. And Loki was very special to him. They were always there for each other when they were growing up, and Thor vowed that he would now pay him even more attention, since his brother was deserving of no less.

He took one more deep breath as he attached Mjolnr to his hip and moved to the large meeting hall they used for important talks such as this. Loki’s room was on the way to the hall, so he stopped by to see if he was there, but the room was empty. He then assumed that Loki left early to talk over plans with their father before the meeting, so he moved toward the hall again. He met his friends where they said they would wait for him, and he was glad for their presence in such a time.

Sif, Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral were always welcome wherever he went, all of them providing him with support in his most difficult times. They never much liked Loki, he knew that, and this was likely why he pulled away slightly from his brother in the recent years. He would never allow anything to come between the two of them again, no matter what others in his life thought of Loki. 

He, the Warriors Three, and Sif walked largely silently to the hall lost in their own thoughts, all of them seeming to realize just how huge this meeting was in significance to the Asgardians. He would rule over all of them, and so he had to be able to deal with such situations on his own one day. He was so glad for Odin and Loki’s presence though, knowing that he felt far more confident with the both of them around.

He instructed the four of them to stay outside the door of the hall with Odin’s guards in case they were needed as he set his hammer by the door under their watch, and then he took in a breath and walked tall as he entered the large doors. He hoped that the hammer would come of no use in this meeting, but he found himself slightly comforted with its presence. 

He found Odin and Loki sitting on one side of the circular table in the room, and six exceptionally large Jotuns on the other side. He felt a pulse of nervousness course through him at the glares all of them gave him as he took his place on the other side of his father, but he tried his best not to let it show on his face.

He knew one never showed the enemy weakness in battle, and the same went with negotiations. He returned with his own hard look, and waited for his father to begin speaking.

Odin’s face was dead serious as it was in times of great importance and he spoke in a strong but grave tone, “It does the Jotuns great credit to come here peacefully to discuss the state between our peoples in a time that war seems imminent.”

The Jotun that appeared to be the largest and fiercest of them all replied roughly, “We only act to bring our people up from complete extinction due to recent…events.”

He paused to give Loki a dark and threatening look to which his brother just responded with an eyebrow, and then continued speaking, “We believe a truce with you will lead to this much wanted peace between us.”

Thor nearly shuddered at the way the Jotun said ‘peace’ since it was most obvious that he wanted no such thing. He kept looking strong though, knowing that years of hate between their peoples would take time to dispel. He even had to dispel more of it from within himself, hardly feeling as though this small understanding he’d gained with Jane’s help was enough to live by the side of these people in peace.

Odin nodded slowly and said, “That is what we wish to create here. A truce that will lead to the best compromise between our people to allow us to live side by side with as little conflict and bloodshed as possible.”

“Such is a wish that comes in good intentions, but is rarely enacted in a way that finds both sides satisfied.” The Jotun replied in a hiss, glaring at Odin.

“It is true that we both have acted in ways that were fueled more by hate rather than any desire to end conflict before, but I hope this truce will be one to end this once and for all.” Odin’s voice was slightly tired at this statement, but his look turned no less fierce.

Thor wasn’t sure how his father was able to keep himself together in a situation like this where one misspoken word could lead straight into chaos, and it was then Thor’s respect for Odin grew even more, knowing that he still had much to learn before he was able to do all of this on his own.

“We will listen to your idea, Allfather.” The Jotun’s smile was extremely disconcerting to Thor, so he looked back to his father and waited for his words.

After a tense and silent moment passed, Odin glanced at Loki for quick moment and said, “On the fact that Loki was Laufey’s last heir, we suggest allowing him to act as leader of your people, where he will act in complete autonomy with your leaders. We feel this way peace may eventually be reached.”

All of the Jotun’s faces curled in disgust at the idea and the leader hissed again in response, “You suggest this scrawny betrayer lead our people? Laufey left him to die, and he was right to do so. Our people will not accept such an offer, Allfather, not when we do not wish to be puppets to you and your royal family.”

Loki finally decided to speak up, his eyebrow raised at the leader again, “I agree that I acted out of aggression and I have great regret for those actions. I wish to begin making right that which I have ruined. I wish for your people…”

Loki’s eyes drifted to Thor for a moment, and he could see the great conflict there before Loki turned back to the Jotun and continued, “…our people to rise from the ashes.”

“You will not count yourself as one of us, puny brat. Odin’s forgiveness of your actions will be his downfall, but we will not suffer the same fate at the hands of the worst liar and betrayer we have ever known.” The Jotun growled his answer, raising a fist to pound on the table.

The table shook under the blow, but Odin was not fazed. He returned with his own glare to the Jotun then, and he spoke calmly but warningly, "It is true that we have extended a hand of friendship toward Jotunheim, but I will not tolerate insults to my house or to my son."

"I speak nothing but truth, Odin. Perhaps Laufey was right about one thing...that you are getting soft in your old age." he replied mockingly in a patronistic tone.

Thor wasn't one to tolerate insults to his family either, but Odin beat him to the punch, "I believe these negotiations are over. You may return when you are really ready to speak."

A chilling smile came to the leader's mouth and he said, "It is right that the negotiations are over, but we will have exactly what we please."

The Jotun quickly materialized a blade from the coldness within him, and he moved forward quickly, hoping to run Odin through. It was fortunate that his father appeared to be expecting this turn of events, reaching under the table to pull out his spear as he side stepped the heavy blow. It was then that all hell broke loose. 

The other Jotuns moved forth and began to attack, while his father yelled for his guards, and Thor called his hammer and yelled for his friends. They did not disappoint, quickly coming, as though they were expectang this as well, and jumping into the fray. He found Loki fighting with a new kind of vigor and vitality he'd never seen in the other before, and he wondered if his brother really did find himself when he found Darcy.

If that was the case, he truly was happy for him and proud that his brother found his true calling. His mind turned away from Loki as he gave himself to the fight as well, feeling the exhilaration of a good fight as he always did. Though, when he would have just thrown himself into any battle for the sake of the fight before, he now knew there was a time and a place, no matter how much he loved this feeling.

Perhaps now, with fights so few and far between, it made each one that much more thrilling. He grinned to himself at that thought and kept on fighting. When it seemed as though the Jotuns were beginning to tire and lose, one of them raised a hand and sent forward a gust of ice and pure cold, and the guard that was the misfortunate recipient froze immediately and shattered to pieces when he fell over.

Thor looked at that in horror for a split second, but he kept going, knowing that they most certainly needed to stop the Jotuns now before they were able to gain the upper hand. But he realized that it was most likely over for him since one Jotun was able to sneak up behind him to strike a blow that took the wind out of him, and the Jotun with the magic readied himself to cast the gust that would finish him.

Thor had no time but to brace himself, but the gust never came. Loki had jumped in front of him to take the brunt of the spell, Thor then only feeling a shiver as whatever did not hit Loki gusted over him. Loki did not freeze immediately as the guard had, but he shuddered strongly before he fell to the ground, most likely wholly due to the fact that he was a magic user and a frost giant as well.

Thor and the Warriors Three were able to dispatch the two Jotuns that were attacking him and Loki, and as the battle raged on, he crouched on the floor beside Loki and pulled him close to do a quick assessment of his brother's injuries. Though Loki easily fared better than the guard as a result of the attack, he was far from good as his brother seemed extremely weak in his arms.

"Brother, I will get you to the healers, do not worry." Thor said, feeling even more disconcerted when he saw some blood dripping out of one of his ears.

Loki's lips twitched upward just slightly and he said, "Please...t-tell Darcy..."

He trailed off as he coughed, unable to speak without difficulty.

Thor shook his head and replied, "No, brother. You will tell her yourself. You will be fine."

Next, as Thor kept holding on to Loki, looking around to see if there was a clear way out of this room without running into more fighting, he then looked back down and found Loki giving him a look so deep and serious that it made his breath hitch. He stopped realizing the battle around him, and just looked into his eyes, knowing that he was caught in Loki's gaze in a way he'd never felt before.

The look was affectionate, and yet it held something of far more mystery that ensnared him without chance of escape. Feeling his throat constrict, understanding finally and ironically rushed into him. Loki had told him that he never loved anyone here in Asgard before meeting Darcy, but Thor thought his words to be false, but was not completely certain. He knew them to be absolutely false now.

Loki had loved, deeply and passionately, and he was a fool to never have seen it. It was true that it was an odd situation to find himself in, but with moments so short now, he could not allow himself to think. He would not let this be Loki's last few moments, but in the case that it was, he would do anything that would bring his brother joy. He gulped slightly, and then he pushed forward, leaning downward to lock Loki in a passionate kiss.

His brother's eyes were wide with surprise right before their lips met, but he felt Loki kiss him back with whatever strength he had left, and when he pulled back, he found his brother giving him a look of absolute happiness, then speaking in the warmest tone he'd ever heard from him, "Thor..."

Then Loki's eyes closed slowly and his body went limp, and Thor felt the adrenaline rushing through him. He would not fail Loki, not this time. He scooped his brother into his arms and made a run for the door, luckily running into few obstacles along the way to the healing room. Though he did not want to leave, the battle was still going on, and he had to help end it, but he knew that this was far more important.

He knew Loki was in capable hands with the healers, and he would make sure his brother would live as soon as those treacherous Jotuns were dealt with. He would make them sorry for ever thinking they could hurt Loki this way and get away with it.

* * *

It had been three months.  Exactly three months, four days, and 10 odd hours that Loki left the earth with Thor, and Darcy keenly felt every one of those moments.  She knew that they had to go to deal with the whole situation brought about by Loki's actions, but it didn't mean that she wanted to be separated from him this long.

She wondered if he thought of her while he was gone, and every time she tried to tell herself that yes, he must.  She couldn't be alone in this loneliness and longing.  And she kept repeating it to herself every day that he was gone.  He would come back to her, she knew it, she just had to be patient.

Being patient was one of the things she was worst at though, so she was quite sure that everyone in her life could tell something was wrong with her.  Well, that was no matter, they would just have to get used to her like this as she got used to him being away.  He was a god though, she shouldn't have expected different.  Naturally people of his sort would have to deal with far more important things than her feeling this way, but it didn't stop her from wishing him back more strongly with each passing day.

She was especially depressed now with the coming of the summer and no college classes to keep her even partially distracted from everything.  She supposed she had to now throw herself into her hobbies, otherwise she would simply drive herself insane with all of the what ifs.  Obviously, she wasn't doing a good enough job, since her roommates decided to set her up on yet another blind date.

No matter how many times she refused, they still called the guy over and now this Brian was taking her out to have some sushi this evening.  She knew that she wasn't being the best of dates as the two of them rode out to the restaurant, but really, what could she do?  She'd already given her heart to another, and so it was very difficult for her to see someone else as someone she’d potentially want to date.

And, when Loki came back, it would all be for nothing anyway. She let out a sad almost silent sigh as the two of them pulled up to the restaurant and he led her inside. Darcy tried her best to smile as he talked about himself, actually vaguely interested to find out that he had a hobby in professional photography, even breaking out his phone to show her some of his work, but her heart just wasn’t into any of this. 

As the evening went on, she offered very little information about herself, and at the end of dinner, he carefully spoke, “Darcy…you were put up to all of this, weren’t you? Coming on this date with me, I mean.”

Without thinking, she began to answer truthfully, “Yes…wait, I mean, no…”

At the hurt expression that flashed on his face, she let out a sigh and said, “Brian, you really are a nice guy, and honestly, you’ve been the most normal and interesting guy that my roommates have set me up with. I do like you.”

He then raised an eyebrow and said, “…but?”

Darcy wasn’t sure how much to tell this guy, but she knew she had to tell him something, “But…there is someone that I’m kinda waiting for.”

“Waiting for?” his eyebrows scrunched in curiosity, obviously wanting a bit more information.

Darcy always felt a little embarrassed sharing about her personal life, but it was obviously necessary in this situation, “I was kinda seeing someone before, but he had to leave to take care of some…family issues. I’m waiting for him to come back.”

“How long ago were you two dating?”

Obviously Brian’s curiosity had no end, but Darcy decided to indulge him in this case, not really getting to speak with anyone about Loki much, and just having this outlet was nice, “About 3 months ago.”

“And why do you think he’d come back? I mean, has he even contacted you since he left?”

“No, he hasn’t. But…I don’t think he can. His family kinda lives in a place that makes it impossible.” Darcy could see the obvious disbelief on his face at this point, and this made her sigh again.

Other people might doubt her connection to Loki, but nothing would make her faith waver. She felt a kind of connection with him that was unlike anything she’d ever known before. She wouldn’t give it up for anything.   
Brian shook his head slightly in disbelief and appeared to give up on reasoning with her, and he let out his own sigh and said, ”He's lucky to have you...believing as strongly as you do in him.”

Darcy gave him a wry smile and replied, “Yeah, I guess he is.”

After that, an awkward silence fell between them, and Darcy felt a little bad for ruining this date, since he did genuinely seem like a nice guy, so she said, “Look, I don’t think I’m ready to date, but I’d definitely like it if we could stay friends. I’m really interested to find out where your photography will take you.”

Brian then gave her a small smile and said, “I think I’d like that.”

Darcy smiled and was glad that if nothing else, she’d gained a new friend from all of this, and usually she had very little to thank her roommates for. The two of them paid for their food and she left the restaurant feeling far less tense than she had when she arrived. When he dropped her off, she gave him a goodbye and promised to give him a call the next time she and her friends would be getting together for another concert or something, and then she went inside.

It really was too much to hope that she’d be alone when she returned, finding both of her roommates waiting expectantly for her in the living room, and Chloe asked playfully, “So how was the date?”

Darcy just barely managed to keep a straight face as she responded, “Great actually. But I’m not seeing him again, at least not in a romantic way.”

Both Sandra and Chloe’s mouths dropped open, and Sandra burst out, “What? Why? He was really nice!”

Darcy just had to smile a little at the looks on their faces and said, “He was really nice, but like I told you both a million times, I’m just not interested in dating, period.”

Sandra just raised a suspicious eyebrow at her, "It's not still about that Loki guy, is it?  He's been gone forever!  He's probably not coming back."

Darcy was feeling relatively amused before Sandra said that, and suddenly her eyes flashed and she spoke in a warning tone, "While I don't really have to discuss my personal choices with either of you, but he will come back.  Mark my words."

With out another thing said, she stalked to her room, her good mood all but gone now with the direct mention of Loki.  She was able to get her mind off of him for a few short hours only to have it all brought crashing back by her idiot roommates.  With a sigh, she kicked off her shoes and lay back on her bed, flipping through pictures on her phone.

She found one of both she and Loki the night of the concert they went to, and she looked at it both in sadness and longing, and just the tiniest bit of hope. Loki couldn't leave her like this, he wouldn't.  She just had to believe.  And more than anything, she just had to keep waiting.

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

Loki groaned lightly as he shifted and felt a rush of soreness through his whole body. He slowly opened his eyes and bright light rushed in, making him blink a few times as he tried to get his bearings. As his surrounding began to clear, he noticed that he was in the healing room of the castle in one of the pods. It all rushed back to him…the failed meeting with the Jotuns and the attack he saved Thor from that he was certain would have killed him.

Well, obviously he was made of far stronger stuff than he realized, since here he was. Groaning one more time, he forced himself up to his elbows to prop himself up slightly, and he saw none other than Thor. His memory definitely wasn’t faulty as the kiss they shared right before he lost consciousness came to his mind. His cheeks colored just lightly as Thor smiled brightly at him and said, “Welcome back, brother.”

“How long was I out?” Loki asked, moving carefully to stretch himself, knowing that he had to have not moved for days with how sore he felt.

“One whole week. Our healers certainly put their best efforts into your treatment, and I am sure that had nothing to do with me continuously wanting to be by your side during your recovery.” Thor spoke in humor, the slightest of grins still touching his lips.

Loki slowly sat himself up, taking a deep breath, just feeling so thankful to be alive, “And what of the Jotuns?”

Thor’s expression got harder at the mention of them, and he said, “Sif, the Warriors Three, and I were able to work with father to defeat them, and father was able to detain the leader. He demanded the Jotun agree to the terms of truce to not be killed instantly. Naturally, he did agree, and you are to leave for Jotunheim as soon as you are well.”

Loki felt himself wishing that he would be able to deal with that one personally when he took control of the situation, but he would think on that at a later time. He had much planning to do before leaving for Jotunheim, and he supposed it was fortunate that he had to rest, since it would give him time to think about everything.

It was an especially sensitive situation now thanks to him, and he was sure that there would be many Jotuns that would oppose his rule. He had to plan for all of this. It wasn’t as though he was a stranger to making plots and plans, but for once, he was acting for the good of everyone instead of the good of just himself. It was a liberating feeling, in a way.

He turned his eyes back to Thor, and found him looking at him with a strangely sheepish look then. He figured then that his brother was thinking on that kiss the two of them shared, and he realized that it was something that could not be ignored. He loved Darcy, yes, but that kiss…it did feel amazing. He wondered if that was because he thought it would be the last thing he’d ever feel, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it had nothing to do with any of that.

Even if it was extremely significant to him, he resorted to teasing as was his default, “Is there something you wish to say, Thor?”

Thor appeared to choke slightly and he coughed in embarrassment and said, “Brother, I…before I took you to the healers…right before you passed out…”

Loki’s eyebrow raised at him, milking this even if he knew exactly what Thor was having trouble over, “…Yes?”

Thor gulped and actually blushed, something Loki had never seen him do, and he stuttered slightly, “Loki…what happened between us…I-I...”

Loki had never seen Thor to be quite as much a loss for words as he was now, and something about this amused him as he spoke in a wry tone, “It certainly was an interesting way of saying goodbye.”

His eyes betrayed his true feelings though, as they always did when he wasn’t trying to hide them. He might be a trickster and one easy to make jest, but he never did so on matters so profound. This was definitely something he could not hide the truth about, though his words seemed contradictory. His eyes were warm and affectionate as he waited for what Thor was to say. He knew that his brother more than likely regretted the action now that they weren’t in a life or death situation, since he knew Thor never had any interest in him in that manner.

Thor broke eye contact with him and cleared his throat one more time, “I care for you dearly, brother, I do…but…”

Loki let out a sigh, unable to stop himself from feeling slightly hurt as he tried to smooth things over, not wanting Thor to feel bad over something like this. Loki never had delusions of ever being with Thor, and now with the involvement of Darcy and Jane, the idea of a relationship of that kind was completely out of his mind. 

“Do not even think on it. I understand it was an extraordinary situation.” 

Thor finally met his gaze again and he appeared to see the hurt look in his eyes as his look suddenly mirrored his own. Thor shook his head and then spoke fervently, reaching out to lightly touch one of Loki’s hands, “No, Loki. It was not just a flight of fancy. I…feel…”

Thor was silent then for a long awkward moment, carefully removing his hand and then speaking again in great conflict, “But…Jane…”

“Thor, listen to me. I understand, really I do.” Loki tried to speak in a calming tone, seeing that Thor was actually feeling more confusion over all of this than he anticipated, “I do not intend to pursue this, and I certainly do not expect you to, especially now that we have found those we wish to have by our sides.”

Thor let out a sigh, not appearing to not want let it go so easily, now that it was all out in the open, “Loki…how long…?”

A slightly bitter smile twitched on his lips at that, and he said, “Perhaps it would not do either of us much good to discuss how long.”

Thor nodded as he took in the information, staying silent again as he began to look more troubled, his voice softening as he spoke again, “I am sorry I never realized.”

Loki felt his heart lighten just slightly to hear how Thor cared for him in his voice, so he just shook his head and said, “It is of the past. With no more secrets between us, I hope for a better future.”

Thor gave him a small smile and nodded, “Aye, a much better future.”

Loki let out another breath and felt the huge weight of everything lift off of him, and he finally could relax for the first time. He closed his eyes and lay backward again, saying, “I do believe I could use more rest right now.”

He heard Thor get up from the chair he was sitting in next to him, and said, “Yes, please rest. I will be around if you need me. If I am not here, please send for me.”

Loki’s lips twitched lightly in amusement, “How you worry so now. A large improvement over the Thor that would have just left me to my misery as I got better in wake of more interesting pursuits.”

His words were jesting, but there was just the slightest bit of truth in them. Thor never volunteered himself to his beck and call when he was sick or injured before, so it was an interesting change for certain. He opened his eyes to see Thor fixing him with a tender and slightly apologetic look as he replied, “I am not the same any more.”

Loki’s smile grew just slightly, “Perhaps not.”

Thor reached forward to pat him lightly on the shoulder and say, “Sleep well, brother.”

Loki nodded and shut his eyes once more, hearing Thor’s heavy steps leaving the room. Yes, perhaps he would sleep more ease than he ever had before.

* * *

It was true that Loki finally felt as though he could start anew with everything cleared up with Thor, but they were not easy days with his father and other advisors stopping in constantly to talk over plans for Jotunheim, and that was certainly exhausting. After several hours of debate on many occasions to give Loki the rest he needed to recover, they came to the decision that Loki should not be the one to leave after all. He was still weak, and it would take him time to get over his injuries fully, and it would not do for the other Jotuns to see Loki as weak at all.

A strong face was most necessary at this time, and with disorder in the society being the way it was, a leader had to be put in place right away. Loki was also certain his father wanted to keep him as far from Jotunheim as possible, and at this moment, Loki couldn’t help but agree. His idea to help put them back together after what he had done was a good one, but he needed time to come to terms with the responsibilities of the task. He wasn’t ready for it, especially with the other business he had waiting for him on Earth.

Darcy was waiting for him, and he would not leave her. He knew much Earth time had already passed, and he just hoped that she still had faith in his return. The leader that was chosen to go in his place was Algrim, a Dark Elf that was one of Odin’s most trusted advisors. He believed Algrim to be wise and level headed, so this was not a decision he disagreed with. When the advisors left Loki this day, with him giving his final okay for this decision, he was paid another rather unexpected visit.

It was none other than Sif. He wondered what she might have to say to him, especially with how they last left things. 

”Lady Sif.” Loki said in greeting, bracing himself for what was to come, every talk with Sif leaving him on edge.

”Loki.” she replied stiffly, appearing to need a moment to gather her words, her discomfort clear on her face.

Neither of them said anything for a long moment, causing a tense silence to fall between them both. Loki was tempted to continue pushing her buttons, but he was curious as to why she would come visit him like this at all. It flashed through his mind that she might be here to finish the job, but he decided she would have acted already if that was the case. Sif was nothing if not direct.

Finally, she cleared her throat and said, “Do not take this to mean that I fully trust you, but…I wish to thank you for what you did for Thor in the battle. I saw the attack. You did not have to take the brunt of it as you did.”

Loki’s eyes showed his surprise at her thanking him, and he spoke truthfully to her for once, “It was nothing.”

She then looked at him closely and critically as though she was attempting to figure him out. Perhaps she really was.

“I do not understand why you would do such a thing.” she raised an eyebrow at him, appearing unable to come to any sort of satisfying conclusion about him.

Loki thought it was just as well. He did enjoy keeping people guessing about him.

“Thor is very important to me. It is not something that I would expect you to understand.” he finally said, just a bit of impatience sneaking into his tone.

She narrowed her eyes at him slightly, weighing his words, and she finally said, “What I do not understand is how easily you may turn coat as soon as it is convenient to you. If Thor is so important to you, why betray him the way you have?”

Loki let out a small sigh, so tempted to sideline her question with a jab as he usually did, but he held his tongue. She deserved an answer as well as all the people close to he and Thor did, no matter how irritating and close minded she happened to be.

“I am not trying to justify my actions, but I acted to gain the people’s respect. I have seen now that the only thing I have gained is distrust from everyone around me.” Loki’s guilt was in his tone even as he spoke to Sif, his shame about the situation being something he wasn’t able to hide long from anyone.

Sif’s voice got a little harder, “You almost killed all of us.”

“Another regret on my list. My emotions got me carried away.” Loki also admitted, deciding that if he was to tell her the truth, he would tell her all of it.

She was silent again for another moment when she spoke carefully, “I do not forgive you for your earlier actions, but…I do see merit in you putting yourself in harm’s way just to save Thor.”

Loki didn’t say or do anything, not sure if he could say something to add to this. He supposed that Sif wasn’t so bad a person, he always just had found her rubbing on him the wrong way, hence their mostly adversarial relationship if they bothered speaking to each other. Now this was different. It appeared she was willing to give him a small chance, and he would take that much, having enough conflict to deal with in his life as it was.

Finally when it seemed to Loki that Sif didn't have anything else to add, he just slowly nodded and said, "Thank you."

With grudging respect she nodded her head back and said, "I will leave you now."

On accepting her goodbye, she left the room and Loki was finally left alone to think. It was true that he was far from mending the relationships he had with the people he was relatively close with in Asgard, but he was happy to see that he had succeeded in improving her view of him to just above scum at the least. This was something, especially where Sif was concerned.

He then turned his mind away from them and back to Darcy, as his mind often would do when not thinking on something of political importance. Every passing day reminded him just how much he missed her, and his longing for her was growing to a level that he wouldn't be able to ignore for much longer. The moment he was well, he would return to her. There wasn't a single place in the universe that he wanted to be more than by her side.

She was his one reminder that yes, he had someone to live for and that he always had to strive to be a better person. He had to be worthy of her love in a way he never felt much worthy of anyone else's. He was fairly certain that he would never succeed at that, but he always had to keep trying. 

* * *

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Absolution](https://archiveofourown.org/works/548286) by [Sijglind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sijglind/pseuds/Sijglind)




End file.
